Chronic Pain, Scrapbooking and My Family

2009-06-02T22:36:00.005-04:00

Isabella's 2nd birthday

Here she is enjoying her cake!!

She's more interested in eating the frosting than blowing out the candles!

She was more interested in eating the frosting than blowing out the candles!

The happy family.

Our son, Alan, is in the middle. I couldn't be prouder of him doing anything else than being the good father like he is.

I am still getting the massages on my feet and I can see that it's just starting to make a little bit of a difference in my feet. It feels SO good while she is doing it and I am just grateful that I have found something to help my feet. The funny thing is I haven't grown any hair on my legs for a couple of years and now with the massage it is stimulating the circulation in my feet and legs and I'm starting to grow hair. It will be a pleasure to have to start shaving:)

2009-05-27T00:48:00.002-04:00

The phone rang early this morning and it was one of those dreaded phone calls. My Mom was at the other end crying. She said my Dad couldn't breathe and was gasping for air. He thought it was the end and kept telling her how much he loves her. The ambulance was called and by the time I made it to the hospital he was breathing again. What a horrible feeling to not be able to get your breath.

The doctor said he was in congestive heart failure. It was early but I think the
ER doctor said it was because of high blood pressure. Maybe we'll know more tomorrow after he's been observed for a day. He was transferred by ambulance to St. Joseph Medical Center in South Bend and he's in the intensive care unit.

I had an appointment again today for a massage on my feet. She asked me where I was having the most discomfort in my feet yet and I told her in the ball of my feet. Man..did she ever dig into there and got some what she calls gunk out of there. It is amazing but the balls of my feet were even softer when I left there...not to mention feeling much better. I am so thankful for her and the help she is giving me. I just feel like a new person when that pain lets up.

Tomorrow is 2 to 2 1/2 hours in the dentist chair. Oh boy!! I will get my permanent caps put on the the top of my teeth. I will probably have to take a taxi there and the office girl said she'd take me home. It depends on how long I have to wait on her leave the office for the day. I may take the taxi back home. My Mom will be at the hospital and Wayne has to work tomorrow. I was glad he took off today to be with me and take me to my massage and then the hospital.

One nice thing I will say is that I got to have a nice talk with my brother. We have the commality (is that a word) of being raised in the said household and now I think it's just so much fun to talk to him. He keeps so busy in his job in Indianapolis that we don't get the chance to just chat. He is a doctor and sees patients for counseling. I'm not sure if he still does that but I know he is also a college professor.

2009-05-23T06:19:00.006-04:00

April 3rd is the last time I posted on here. The reasons I stopped are all the same reason...pain! Mostly my foot pain. It had gotten to the point where I almost couldn't function. I resigned from the design team, quit scrapbooking, quit blogging and just didn't feel well enough to do anything.

About 18 months ago Alan (our son) told me he would pay for me to go to the massage therapist because she had helped him so much. Well, I have not let anyone touch my lower back because even brushing up against it causes pain. So, what is deep tissue massage going to do? I don't know why...maybe Alan mentioned her again but I decided to give her a try. I was in hope that she might be ale to help my feet. The doctor's have all given me a very grim prognosis for my back and for my feet...my pain would not get better and would probably get worse. I went to the therapist...Paula...and the first session I had some relief in my feet and the back massage was actually not unbearable.. Wow!!! How exciting!!! Yesterday was my 4th visit and I have requested that she work only on my feet because that pain is something that is so unbearable and something I cannot get rid of like I can my back pain. I have the morphine pump for my back and can get relief for now but not my feet. Right now she is getting rid of knots of tissue that is blocking the flow of blood to my feet. It hurt so bad that it brought tears to my eyes but I knew the good it was doing so I grinned and bore it!! Paula just still can't believe that I decided to come after so much time has passed and she has a very positive attitude that she can get my feet and eventually my back better. She knows this because she has seen it time and time again. My feet are all ready better or I wouldn't feel like posting on this blog. What a relief for the moments of less pain that I have. There is nothing worse than nerve pain. So, please pray with me that she can continue to provide relief. I like the fact that she gives God the credit for the work she does.

Yesterday there was no one else available to go to Beca's talent show. My Mom had a doctor's appt. and Eutemia didn't want to take the 3 little ones and I don't blame her AT all. Well, with my feet being a little better Wayne and I were able to go and support her.

Hopefully I'll be on here more often and maybe I'll even be able to start scrapbooking again soon.

Since I am on disability and being on disability I am on medicare I will be getting the $250 Obama had decided to give us. I have had at least 10 or more things that I have wanted to buy with that money. Well, yesterday Paula told me about a program on the Wii that is an exercise program. I know I can't exercise but there is a yoga section on it. So, now I am thinking about getting a Wii. I will be looking into it a little more today and make a decision. Don't know when I"ll get my check but know it will be soon.

2009-04-03T16:45:00.003-04:00

This is the layout I just finished yesterday. This is Rhebeca a couple days old. I think she was such a beautiful baby and look at that hair!! Everything on here including the paper is made by a company called "Little Yellow Bicycle". I am really impressed with their creations.

Kelly, if you see this it started out being your March challenge but I didn't finish it in time. It also strayed a ways from your sketch:)

2009-04-03T01:11:00.004-04:00

Tie Die Isabella

Isabella found a tie die kit her Dad had in storage and we now have tie die Bella. Her Mom said she tried washing it off and it doesn't come off. We will get to see tie die Bella for quite some time.

Bella is such a cute sweet little girl. She always has a smile to give somebody BUT there is another side to Bella and that's naughty Bella. She's like all of us who are not all good and not all bad.

I have some things to scan when I write about my birthday party but can't find them right now and it's 1:20 am so I don't feel like looking right now either1

2009-03-18T10:36:00.005-04:00

Centennial Park 2003

You may wonder why I would post these pictures from so long ago. There are several reasons. First, they are really good. Beca has grown so much since these picturese. She is now 5'5" tall. She's now a little girl in a young woman's body. Another reason is I am saddened by how much my body has failed since these pictures. I was obviously able then to follow her around and take pictures. N0w, there's no way I could do that because of back pain and pain in my feet. But, these are good memories and I'm glad I was able to be active with the grandkids for a short time.

Follow me Grandpa!!!

I don't know of anyone else Wayne would climb up the slide for unless it was one of the other grandkids:D

Grandpa loves Rhebeca and Rhebeca loves Grandpa!! A picture that is priceless...to me at least.

I still have this real deep line on my skin where the shingles were. I looked at it yesterday because as any vain person (like me) I don't like the looks of what's left of the shingles. Well, when I looked at it I noticed all these little pimple looking bumps. It looked like the beginning of shingles again but smaller. It took me a while to process it but I think it's a new outbreak of shingles. I haven't felt well this week and have slept a lot during the day and maybe I'm fighting the shingles virus again. I called the doctor's office and they put me on my 2nd round of an anti-viral medicine.

It has taken me a while to understand medicare. When I was accepted as getting disability I was automatically on medicare. I have an insurance policy with Humana that covers most of what medicare doesn't cover. There are lots of insurance companies to choose from but Humana fit my needs the best. Well, I have learned that medicare has a very strange coverage of the medication. The first $2700 is like any insurance plan and we pay a copay with the Tier system. Generic is cheapest and regular meds w/o a generic the most costly. Then from $2700.00 to $4350.00 we pay 100% . We started with this insurance company February 1st and reached the " donut hole" (medicare terms) on March 14th. Maybe we're record makers:D

2009-03-12T16:31:00.002-04:00

The Treat Drawer

When I was little I can remember my grandparents having a special cupboard with toys inside. I wanted to do something similar that our grandkids would remember and get excited when they came so I came up with the treat drawer. It is a BIG deal, believe me. It's the first place they run when they come here and the last thing they check out when they leave. They always have to have a sack to put their finds into so they don't lose anything. This picture below is L to R...Isabella, Kael and Kaleb. Isabella loves the fruit roll-ups and this is the first time she's let me take the paper off the roll-up before she ate it. Otherwise I'd find little spit out papers all over.

I had a tooth pulled today. Tuesday I spent 3 hours in the dentist's chair and he tried to pull one of my teeth last thing. Well, the tooth was so painful that even with many many shots of novacaine it wouldn't get numb enough to pull. So, thank goodness he listened to me when I told him it hurt too bad to pull today. When I got home I thought it might be best to be put under to get this tooth out. I called the oral surgeon and he had an opening this morning at 7:45. I took it! The doctor about scared me to death. He was a little afraid to put me under because of the amount of medications that I'm on...especially the pain pump. He showed me the x-ray of the tooth that showed the tooth was really close to the nerve. He said since that's so close I could end up with facial numbness that didn't go away and I could lose my taste for food, etc., etc. If that wasn't bad enough they had me read and I had to put my initials that I acknowledged it might happen to me. Well, right after I talked to the doctor and filled out that paper they took my blood pressure. I don't think I've ever seen it so high. I was filled with so much anxiety that it pushed my blood pressure to 224/125. If that doctor wasn't scared before I'm sure he was then. He had the nurse put some oxygen on me to bring down my blood pressure and I prayed and prayed for the anxiety to go away. Both things helped because the next reading was 186/99 which is still high but nothing like the first reading.

He must be an excellent oral surgeon because I have had very little bleeding and virtually no pain! Yippee!!!!

2009-02-26T21:55:00.003-05:00

Well, here it is...my new hair color. By the time we took this picture it had faded a little bit. If you remember, my beautician had gone to a hair show in Las Vegas. I asked her if there were any new trends. She said they were using primary colors and just glimpses of them. We talked about it and decided on this color. If you can see, there are spots of red all over. Wayne wasn't sure he liked it at first but I think it's grown on him now. I really like it and I think I'll have her do it again next time.

You can also see that the shingles are leaving a scar...so far. I hope it will fade as time goes by. They aren't completely over...the one by my eye bothers me every day yet. I hope it goes away soon.

It's been a while since I have posted. I have had some real rough days physically. On those days I just don't know what to say sometimes. I don't want to always be negative.

One thing that happened is the doctor from the rehab hospital in Chicago called (he is the one that we held such high hopes for help) he said that there's nothing he can do to help me and he referred me to their pain center. I all ready go to a pain center but I will give theirs one try to see if they have any other ideas. That was really depressing that he couldn't do anything to help me and he's the one we held such high hope for some help. I'm used to it because it's happened time and time again but there's always just that little ray of hope inside that I can get some help.

2009-02-04T18:23:00.003-05:00

K & K Cleaners

Once in a while a cute idea hits me and I run with it. I decided it would be cute to label this as if Kael and Kaleb are cleaning.
I am just getting over the shingles or at least the pain from the singles and my back decides to act up. I just dread the feeling of the spasms starting in my low back but I have ways to get rid of them at least. I right away took my faithful old muscle relaxers and usually they work within 20 minutes but this time the pain was intensifying. So, I took some more muscle relaxers and it still didn't work. I paced and paced the floor because sitting and laying down both makes the spasms worse. They lasted all day and most of the night until they let up WEdnesday morning. That's Tuesday morning at 5:0oam until Wednesday morning around 7:00 am. A long 24 hoursQ

2009-01-31T19:18:00.002-05:00

Shingles, Day 8

I would love to say the the shingles are gone and I'll be writing on something else. But...they're still here. You know, what's funny is that I don't have any makeup on and my cheeks are very rosey. The scabs are healing nicely. The thing that is bothering me the most is that I have a scab right by my tear duct on my right eye. It is the one that feels liks sandpaper on my eye. It was so painful last night that it kept me up all night. My eyes are both starting to turn black and blue underneath but one side is worse than the other. I am really ready for these things to go away.

2009-01-29T23:18:00.006-05:00

A representative from Real Services came by today to explain to me and have me sign papers to sign up for Medicaid. The way I understand it is that they go by my income which is my disability check I get for $525 each month. The only snag we ran into is that my name is on the title for 2 of our vehicles. For some reason my credit is better than Wayne's right now so that's why we put my name on the titles and the loan. She's going to to check on it and see if it will present any problems. If I can get accepted there are some wonderful benefits. All my medical bills will be paid. They would go the Humana (private insurance) first then to medicare and what medicare didn't pay medicaid would pick up. I would get 5 hot meals delivered each week. I would have someone come to the house and do whatever needs done..cooking or cleaning. There are other things that I am probably not remembering.

Shingles Day 6

My biggest concern on day 6 is that I have several scabs on my eyelid and I can't tell if there are some inside my eyelids or not. My eyes feel like there is sandpaper on then. The good news is that I took a shower and washed and dried my hair today and that felt mighty good.

2009-01-28T11:31:00.004-05:00

This is how the shingles is progressing. I am so worried that it has affected my eyes. I go to the eye doctor in 2 weeks so he'll be able to look into my eyes and see if they were damaged by the shingles. My eyes burn so bad and I hate to keep trying to rub them so Wayne went out late the other night and got me some eye drops for dry eyes and that helps a little bit. I sometimes wonder what I've done in life to allow the suffering I've gone through. I have a few scabs in my hairline but my goal for today is to wash my hair because I can't stand it any longer this dirty.

By the way...you wouldn't think I would even care how I look but I do and I took this picture myself and my nose looks huge:) It's not really that br
1

2009-01-26T20:04:00.002-05:00

At the chance of grossing you out..this is a picture I just took of myself. Not having a great hair day..haha! This is shingles and it's the second time I've had it and I am miserable!! I am trying to keep busy and kep my mind off of my discomfort. My one eye that is almost swollen shut is the most uncomfortable. Shingles is a "cousin" to chicken pox and, in fact, I could give chicken pox to someone who has never had them.

I was supposed to have my beautician come to the house and put color on my hair today. I was excited about it because she just got back from the hair show in Vegas and said she had some different ideas for me. As long as it's not bright red or pink I am pretty open-minded. Well, I called her and told her what I have and she opted not to come because she has only had a light case of chicken pox and doesn't want to get a rip roaring case of them.

I hope this is on the downside of the worst pain. When it starts to scab over is when it is getting better. You can see that the worst spot is between my eyes and it is starting to scab over..thank goodness!!

2009-01-26T09:59:00.002-05:00

A couple of days ago I started to get what I thought was a pimple between my eyes at the top of my nose. Well, it has gotten bigger and bigger until this morning when I woke up my eye was almost swollen shut. It hurts SO bad. Wayne thinks it is a boil because he's had several boils and knows what they look/act like. Not that I didn't believe him but I went ahead and called the doctor on call yesterday and he told me I need to be seen today and called me in some antibiotics.

I have an appointment at 11:00 and will see what he thinks it is.

Wayne had a boil that was so big it swelled like this one and swelled his eye shut. I'm afraid that the doctor will want to lance it but if he does it might feel good and relieve all the pressure.

The good thing today is that my beautician is coming to the house to put some color on my hair. She just got back from a hair show in Vegas and said she had she had some good ideas for my hair. That will be fun!!

2009-01-18T18:24:00.003-05:00

The next two pictures were taken with my old very expensive camera...but look at the yellow cast it gave the pictures. I was so disappointed. I can work on them and get them decent looking but I'd rather have them come out nice to begin with. I could manually adjust this camera if I knew how but I don't know how...so...I got a new camera. After these two pictures all the rest were taken with the new camera. I love it!! It's just a small point and shoot but takes really nice pictures.

These pictures are taken with the new camera...no yellow cast/tint. These pics were another photo op I took so I could do some valentine pictures. Becca is always a good subject for anything my mind can dream up for her. Thanks Beca!!!

We are dog sitting this week and love having Belle come and stay with us. She is such a well behaved dog and never makes any messes. She loves her toys and they have to have a squeaker in them. You can see her pink toy behind her!

I saw these big suckers (or lollipops as Caden---in the red shirt-- informed me) for $1 and couldn't resist them for a photo opportunity and then some great scrapbook pages. It's nice to have these kids to use when I have an idea for a great picture.

Wayne worked 16 hours yesterday and it's a big big day for him but becomes a very lonely day for me so my Mom picked me up and brought me to her house. I was so glad because I enjoyed everyone's company. The time just flew by when I got there. Below is Kael and he was drawing me artwork and he is GOOD! I couldn't draw as well as he can. He drew me 7 pages of his private collection and I will date it a cherish it.

As you can see...Isabella is a little character. I told her to say cheese and this is the smile I got...how funny! I gave her some lotion and told her to rub it on my feet because they hurt and she was so tender and had such a good touch for a little child. She loved it and kept doing it until the the lotion started flying all over the room...whoops!

Isabella tried to join Kael and do some artwork of her own but didn't stay at it very long.

2008-12-28T03:04:00.003-05:00

Our son and his wife and their 4 children came over here Tuesday night for a meal and gift-opening. The kids were so excited that as soon as they came into the door they started asking to open their gifts. It was so much fun to watch their excitement...that's what make Christmas exciting...to watch their excitement and joy!

This is Kaleb and he is 3 years old. His interests are generally whatever his brother has at the time. One of his gifts didn't work right...figures:) Another was a doctors kit and he had fun going around giving everyone a shot and we were supposed to yell...after all...doesn't everyone yell when they get a shot...or at least want to and keep it hidden?

This is Isabella and she is about 19 months old. She loves baby dolls right now and I found this one that even I liked. It would drink from the bottle or suck its pacifier till it fell asleep and it did a bunch of other things but I couldn't take it out of the box before I gave it to her and once she got it there was no touching it.

2008-12-28T02:44:00.002-05:00

I put the kids gifts in big gift bags so they would know which gifts were theirs. With 4 kids to watch open it turned out to be a good idea. This is Kael. He is 5 years old and the big thing this year is Bionicles. They come in many many parts with directions. He studies the directions until he gets it all figured out. He talks about Bionicles all the time and usually is holding one in his hand. Last week he called me and he went on the Bionicles web site and explained everything to me for what seemed like hours:) He kept saying...see that Grandma Becky? Isn't that cool. I had to remind him that I can't see through the phone.

2008-12-28T02:41:00.001-05:00

This is Rhebeca and she is 10 years old. Her interests this year were items from the Harry Potter movie that you can buy from Noble Collections on the internet. I was reminded over and over again about the correct web site to find what she wanted. She also got a hair straightening iron and a bling cover for her cell phone and a book with the paints and directions to do face painting. She came up with the cutest face paintings on her brothers!

2008-12-19T07:08:00.002-05:00

Today will be our first Christmas party. Our son and his wife and their 4 children will be coming over tonight. They are leaving for New York Christmas Eve so this was one of the best times to be with them.

We decided to keep it simple and have pizza and DQ cake. Well, that wasn't enough for me...I had to make the layered salad because I like a salad with my pizza. It took me 2 hours to make the salad. Between frying a pound of bacon and boiling eggs and washing and drying the lettuce and sitting down to rest many times because my back would start to hurt it really did take me 2 hours. It better be good!!! That's one of my favorite salads.

After all that work and staying up too late playing games on the computer I woke up with horrible back spasms at 5:30. It's now 7:10 and they're just letting up. What I dislike the most about having to take these pills is that they will make me SO sleepy by this afternoon. So...I better get out to the kitchen and wrap the rest of the presents.

I'll have pictures from tonight for the blog tomorrow.

2008-12-09T18:49:00.007-05:00

Here are a couple of pictures I like of our grandchildren.

Beca giving her brother, Kaleb, a big kiss. She really loves her little brothers and sister.

Kael got himself ready to play baseball. I think he did it by himself...how funny! The black thing hanging over the front of his face is the strap for holding the helmet on.

I am feeling much better about the Chicago doctor and the treatments he wants to do today. I can't say I slept on it because I had muscle spasms all night...starting at about 11:00 pm
and ending about 5:30 this evening. When the spasms last so long it leaves me exhausted and my back hurtingl AND...what I dislike the most is it leaves me so sleepy. I've slpeepy..yawn,,

I reread what I wrote yesterday and it made no sense at all. I was really sleepy and kept falling asleep yesterday. My doctor said one more thing on Monday that I had forgotten about. He said the pain and my posture because of the pain has caused my bone structure to change. It is especially prevelent in my legs and hips. I think that he thought if I could get some of the relief from the shots if the shots relieved the pain enough that I would stand upright and differently. I could see it once he pointed it out and it is pretty scary to see my bone structure changed. But, I have hope that if anyone can help that this man can do it!!

Becky

2008-12-09T00:12:00.006-05:00

It has been a way long time since I have posted. I've lost interest in everything I do and I think it adds up to a little depression.

Today was the "big day". I had my appointment at the the Rehabilitation Institute in Chicago. We got there in the nick of time. It's further to Chicago than I remember. The hospital is downtown Chicago. It had a great view of Lake Michigan...except today it was all fog...no lake. The building appeared very old but it was spotless clean.

I really liked the doctor I saw...he was friendly and down to earth and honest. We started the appointment by giving my history which is no easy task. Wayne is always helpful in that area. The doctor examined me and then left the room while I got dressed and he figured out a game plan.

He came back in and said you (me) have had pain for a long time. It has to have affected your psyche, hasn't it? Holding back tears I said yes, it sure does! He then said something I have never thought of. I had told him that the drip from the pain pump is at T12. He said if you have pain that badly then that pump isn't covering everything. He wants to find out what it is that causes the pain. He will do several lovely tests...an EMG and Facet Injection were 2 tests he mentioned.

My job now is to gather information and mail it to him. He wants the report from when I went to Mayo Clinic last year and the reports from my last 2 MRI's. Then I'm to call him a week after he gets that and he will tell me what he wants to do first.

So, we felt very hopeful all the way home and then when we got home it hit me HARD! I've had those tests done before...what is different? Wayne and I talked about that and ended up sobbing in each others arms. No more to say except to ask for prayer that I will accept this new game plan even though it has evidence of "old solutions".

My Mom has had a really sore foot with a lump. It's been hard for her to even walk. She went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago. He said he thought there might be something inside the lump so had it x-rayed. The x-ray technician didn't see anything so he treated her with anti-biotics. Nothing has changed after a round of antibiotics and the swelling (and pain) was starting to go up her leg. She said he stood back and looked at it and said he still thought there was something inside that initial swelling. So he sliced it open and started looking and found a sliver of glass...the cause of everything. She's now taking anti-biotics again to fight any infection. He told her that he was praying that he'd find whatever it was and she was praying at the same time. They both agreed that it was an answer to prayer.

Becky

2008-11-12T01:25:00.004-05:00

Kael wanted to show me his sad look:( I asked him what happened to his cheek

and he told me his "broder did it". It's tough having those brothers ...even

when they're younger.

This is Kael's happy look!!

We were at a basketball game watching Rhebeca. The only problem was that Rhebeca's team was playing Tyler's school. This look is real...not put on. He really got into the game and wanted his school to win! Katie said she text Tyler's Daddy and said you'd think it ws the Super owl s upset as he was getting. Tyler's little brother (Caden) is the one in the background sticking out his tongue.

Rhebeca is the one with the ball. I'm just SO proud of her!

Beca is the one in the last row on the right hand side.

Here she is...ready for the ball to be passed to her:) She just loves basketball and I'm so happy for her to find a good hobby that she's so passionate about.

Bella was here for a short time today and the first thing she asked for was Papa Wayne. She just loves him.

2008-11-09T23:21:00.006-05:00

Jacob's 1st birthday
Do you think he likes cake?

Jacob driving at a fair in Tennessee...he seems to be enjoying
himself and he picked the backseat himself.

It's been a while since I posted. I tried a couple of times and things are a little different so I just gave up!

I was supposed to go to Chicago on the 20th of October. Unfortunately I was too sick to go. I was was very sick to my stomach. I had the flu and pneumonia shot the day before and don't know if that was part of reason?? Anyway, there was no way that I could have gone. I am now scheduled to go to Chicago for an evaluation on December 9th. I am a little scared to hear what they have to say about my condition and also a little hopeful that they might help me.

My Dad went through renal failure and staph infection in his blood last week. He hung on by just a thread. He wanted someone there with him and my mom stayed the 1st night and my brother came up from Indianapolis and spent the next night with him. These are the times I wish my health was better so I could help my family in a time of need! I am happy to say that his appitite has returned and he is on the mend. He gave us all a real scare.

2008-10-26T11:48:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was one of those days that are totally worthless....at least I feel that way. I woke up at 6:00 with strong muscle spasms that are located in my tailbone but my spasms are so strong that they make my whole body spasm. I waited an hour and moved around to see if the spasms would let up but they just got stronger. I finally gave in and took the medication and after I take that it is sleepy time. Well, the spasms lasted all day and I had to take meds 3 times. They finally went away around 10:00 pm.

I was so disappointed because I had wanted to go to my Aunt's 85th birthday party at Beef O Brady's. I haven't seen all that side of the family since I got sick about 10 years ago. I was really close to my cousins growing up. We always had a good time together.

Today is a big day for me...ha ha!! I get to go to WalMart and maybe the Scrapbook Store. Wayne had to work this morning but should be back around 1:30....and I'll be ready!!

2008-10-24T18:32:00.009-04:00

Finally!!...I have had a hard time getting in the post area of the blog. Maybe that's because it's been so long since I posted.

What's new? Lots:)

I had a root canal and 2 teeth pulled and a bridge work done at the dentist. This dentist is so good that I only had to take one pain pill for the pain. What I like the most is that the dentist uses conscious sedation. I was in the dentist chair for 3 hours and it seemed like a few minutes...it's the way to go for me!!

I have an apointment on Thursday of next week in Chicago at the Rehabilitation Center. They will do a physical exam and decide if they can help me. I believe that if they think they can help me I will stay there for a couple of weeks. I will have 3 hours of physical therapy every day...ugh! If I do go there I will have to find a way to get a laptop computer. Then I can use the computer while I have ice packs after therapy....just joking but may be a reality. I was a little bit relieved when they told Wayne that it would be different types of therapy...physical, occupational and etc.

I have noticed that I have really taken a step in my abilities. I am having a hard time keeping up on my design projects. Thankfully the leaders are very understanding telling me to just do what I can get done and don't worry about it. That takes off a lot of pressure.

2008-09-28T07:10:00.003-04:00

These are two of our grandsons, Tyler and Caden. They are our daughter Katie's (husband Steve) boys. I love this picture and how they are holding hands. They really do love each other and Caden really misses Tyler when he's at school.

Isabella, the cutest witch of the midwest:) Her mommy made her this costume. Her Mom has so much talent and creativity. She is selling many of her items at children's boutiques. I can't imagine how long this must have taken. That tulle fabric is so pretty but also so hard to work with.

2008-09-26T23:11:00.007-04:00

I'M BACK!!! I think this is the longest that I've gone since I've blogged and I was really starting to miss it. I went to my doctor and didn't like what he had to say and yet I knew there was a lot of truth to it. He said that I needed to get to a rehabilitation center or I would lose my ability to walk within approx. a year. I have experienced a lot of losses in that last few years but losing my ability to walk would be the biggest one to deal with!

So, we are working on getting me into the Chicago Rehabilitation Institute. I was talking to our supplemental insurance company today and before I accidently cut off the call they said in order to have my stay there to be covered I would have to have 3 hours of some kind of rehabilitation every day. And then my cheek hit the button on the phone and cut us off. I'll have to call back tomorrow and find out again how much they would charge us.

Today was another awakening of something I would have to give up soon! I wanted to get to the scrapbook store and get my secret pal a gift that is due on the 1st. By the time I got home I was sweaty, exhausted and in a lot of pain. It took several hours and some ibuprofen to get feeling a little bit normal. So, driving may be the next thing to go...but the good thing is there are people that are so willing to drive me places. My Mom, Wayne, Katie, and Barb (from the scrapbook store). So, what is a negative thing it can also be positive to know that there are people who love me and are willing to drive me places.

Now, I'll quit complaining and I do have a couple of cute Isabella stories. #1...she climbed into the bathroom sink and turned on the water and put her cute little cowboy boot under the faucet. #2...Isabella went to the toilet and took off her diaper and peed (sp?) right in front of the toilet. The second time she brought Grandma little pieces of toilet paper after she had gone pee in her diaper. These little stories and these grandchildren in general keep me going on my bad days!

2008-08-31T23:37:00.006-04:00

Tomorrow is a big day in this town...actually the last couple of days have been big with the Blueberry Festival. Tomorrow is the parade and Wayne and his Dad and two of our grandchildren...Rhebeca and Tyler will be in the parade with them. Wayne's Dad owns a laundromat and has rigged up one of his washers to where he sits in the middle of the washer and drives it and the kids carry balloons and dress up however they want. Rhebeca is Pebbles Flintstone this year and Tyler is Ben 10. Wayne is going to be a clown. I think he's got some really silly ideas planned. Sometimes I don't understand men. We got the clown costume in earlier this week and I showed it to Wayne. He hasn't touched it since. I sure hope it fits all right:) T0morrow morning Eutemia (Alan's wife) will put their makeup on. I'll be there if I can to take pictures of them getting ready.

I feel kind of sad that I can't go to the parade. I definitely can't walk that far and don't have anyone to push me in the wheel chair. Wayne used t0 drive and take our parents and my grandmother and Aunt. He would get us right close so we wouldn't have to walk very far. I have a lot of good memories associated with this weekend and I feel sad that all I can do now is stay at home.

The last 3 nights I have dreamed about my grandparents. I was so close to both of them and my parental gtandmother and I really had a special love for them. I'm thankful for the memories I have and I think that has made me aware of my own grandchildren and the memories I want to create with them.

2008-08-28T08:32:00.002-04:00

These two layouts are my latest. It sure helps to have great pictures to work with. The first layout is Isabella, of course:) The second one is Tyler when he was much younger. I think he was 2 years old...almost 3. The layout with Tyler was cut off on the bottom by the scaner...in real life the pumpkins really show.

Yesterday (Wednesday) was a big day for me. I am terrified of going to the dentist and go to one that puts me out...almost. I am conscious but am asleep at the same time. It's hard to explain but I am out of it enough that it takes the fear away. And, yet I'm awake enough to follow directions...like I don't know how many times yesterday he had to tell me to open my mouth.

I had a root canal yesterday and preperation for a bridge. It's so nice to not worry any more about that tooth where I had the root canal acting up. Many times I would have to run to the bathroom and put toothache medicine on it. What a relief!!

2008-08-16T04:07:00.004-04:00

This is a picture of my cousins and me. I am in the middle. They visited me last week andwereally had a nice visit and talking really comes natural even after not seeing each other for a long time. Debbie is on my left and has home schooled her children. She really puts her all into the home schooling. Her oldest daughter is entering college as a junior because of the research her mother did and getting her in the right classes. Brenda is on my right and is a judge in a big Ohio city. She is up for relection this year so she's looking at a very busy fall of campaigning!

I have been very discouraged for past few days. My pain levels have been elevated and I've had pain in places that are new. My knees have really been bothering me. It is a little bit scary to have a new area of pain but I am hoping that it's just an irritation from something I've done.

It's 4:00am so I think I'm going to try to get a little sleep:)

2008-08-02T16:39:00.004-04:00

Last night was one I was excited about. It was a design team meeting...potluck dinner...and we were there to crop till midnight.

I also had physical therapy yesterday and she pushed me more than usual. I felt the muscle burn but I'm also beginning to be aware that I'm leaning to the right and I feel some muscles getting a little bit stronger.

Therapy was at 3:30 and by the time we were done and I got dressed, got home and got my stuff ready to go we left at 6:00 and that's what time the meeting started. I said I was going to bring chicken so we still had to go to Penguin Point (my favorite chicken place) and get the chicken I was about a half hour late. I don't like being late...I'd rather be early but things don't always work out that way.

I got very warm at the scrapbook store and actually went through 4 wash cloths wiping the sweat off my face. I wouldn't expect them to keep the store at 66-68 like I do at home but being used to the cooler temps it makes it hard for me to adjust to a warmer temperature. I saw that my friend, Kelly, was packing up to go home at 10:00 so asked her if she would take me home too and thankfully she did. I hate to ask for favors but was feeling really kind of sick to my stomach from being so warm. Thank you Kelly for the ride home!!

The chicken was a hit. I think there might have been 1 piece out of 21 pieces left. I got 2 pieces for Wayne out of the bucket before he left and I am sure he enjoyed it.

Today I'm feeling the hurt from muscles that we awakened yesterday but it's a good hurt...not like nerve pain in my feet or like the back pain I have.

You'll have to check out our daughter's blog. They are traveling to Arizona for her husband's Grandfather's funeral on Monday. She is trying to post about their trip every evening. It's really nice to check on their progress as they travel.

The diaper covers that Isabella modeled yesterday are a big hit. Some boutiques have ordered 30 of them so far! Eutemia has been working on cutting them out and then she'll get to sew them all.

2008-07-31T04:08:00.006-04:00

This is Isabella at 1 year old. She is so smart and keeps everyone hopping just to keep her safe. She loves to climb and can figure out how to get just about anywhere. That activity level is much like her Dad's at the same level so I can understand what a handful she must be. She has a real developed sense of humor. She takes the paper into her great Grandpa every evening and will hand it to him and then jerk it away and laugh.

Our daughter-in-law is so creative. She has been running her own ebay business and has done quite well. What amazes me is that she knows just what will sell. These diaper covers are her latest creation for ebay. Isabella kind enough to model them for her. She even has her own studio in which to highlight her products well

Since I posted last I got some very good news. I got approved for disability. After 3 1/2 years it finally happened. We are working on talking with Social Security and our private insurance agent to make sure everything is a go before he takes me off of our private insurance. Once I am off I will be uninsurable. It's kind of scary when I think about it so I just try not to think about it:)

I am having trouble with muscle spasms every morning...again! If I take the muscle relaxers they take the pain/spasms away but then they make me so sleepy that I'm no good for the rest of the day! I have been trying to get a layout done for the design team for about 3 weeks. I will start to work on it and the next thing I'm sleeping with my head on the table!

2008-07-18T04:38:00.007-04:00

My day on Thursday was quite exciting compared to most of my days! I had tried to get a MRI at Elkhart General about 2 weeks ago but the pain was too bad and I couldn't hold still enough for a scan. So, yesterday I went to Memorial Hospital that happens to be the only hospital that will put a person like myself under general anesthetic for a MRI.

The bad news....I have known for quite some time that I have pulmonary hypetension. I thought things were better since I cant really see my lungs. So, if you can't see it and you can't feel it, you must be all right, right? WRONG!! That was my lesson of the day.

The good news....I asked him (the anestheologist) to please tell me when he puts the medicine in my IV to which I heard a little snicker and then my hand began to burn so I knew it was going in. I said..."my hand is really burning bad"....and that's that last I knew until I was in the recovery room.

The bad news... I should have kept taking the medicine for the pulmonary hypertension. I don't remember it but Wayne could hear the doctor and nurse say Becky, you need to take a deep breath. Becky, please take a breath... Wayne heard the nurse telling me for quite some I needed to sit down. Then he heard the doctor say that I could go ahead and sit up if that felt better. Wayne said when we came out of the MRI center that the doctor had his arm around me to help me sit up. When I met the doctor to begin with he told me that he has some very light twinges in his back and can really feel for someone like me who has pain all the time. So, that's probably why he was so understanding.

The good news... It is now 5:00 in the morning. I am still breathing...yeah!! My Mom is taking me to the pain center first thing in the morning to make sure my pump didn't get turned off during the MRI. I'm feeling pretty good but I don't know for sure what my symptoms would be and how long it it would take to feel the effects of the stopped pump.

2008-07-09T22:05:00.004-04:00

I took this pictue of Isabella about a week ago. She is one year old!

After a 2 day-10-12 hour drive from Memphis Jacob felt like going outside and kicking a ball around with Grandpa Wayne.

T This picture was taken of Isabella by a professional photographer for her year old pictures! I can't believe that little baby is a year old all ready!

Kristi and Jacob arrived here safely from Memphis. This is the first time she has driven here and got along just fine. They were going to take the train and found a great price. When she went to book it the pr ice had almost doubled!

Today was the first day without muscle spasms. I read over my entry from a day ago and couldn't believe how many mistakes there were. I guess that's what happens when I'm in pain and on the muscle relaxers. They relax the muscles AND they relax me too.

2008-07-07T00:53:00.004-04:00

Well, I thought I had these muscle spasms under control and then yesterday (Sunday) I had them all day long no matter what I took or what I did. It was so discouraging. I was even getting some scrapbooking done the day before and try as I might I couldn't continue on Sunday. I had to cocmpletely redo the scrapbook page above....the picture was crooked and it threw off the look of everything. I am very pleased with the look now. I tried to scrapbook today but kept falling asleep from the anti-seizure medication and even got an imprint from my on my face from my "Cricut" machine from falling asleep and my face ending my on the machine.

Now, it Monday morning and I am fine...so far! I'm just cringing thinking that they might start soon any time.

Steve, Katie and Tyler and Caden spent the weekend at the campgrounds. We have our motorhome parked there for them and they help with the maintenance while it's there. If we're not driving it, someone may as well be getting some good out of it. Well, Steve & Katie have no goo place to ride a bike at their house so while they were there, Tyler learned how to ride a 2-wheel bike. I guess he just took off in his bike!! He had forgotten his transformers blanker that he sleeps with at my Mom & Dad's house and my mom left it here for him. He was so glad to see his blanket that he told his mom "that really lifted me down" to get my blanket. How cute!!

2008-06-25T23:09:00.002-04:00

My health seems to be the topic as of lately. Believe me, I would like it to be anything but my health. Today I had 2 doctor appointments.

1st appointment was with my family doctor. He seemed perplexed with the situation. He thinks the only thing for me to do is to go to some sort of a rehab center to get the drugs looked at and get an exercise program going. He said I am on way too many medications...but, guess who gave me 90% of those medications? He did! That's what is frustating. It's so easy to blame it on the patient. I will say that he listened to and responded to our questions.

The 2nd appointment was with the pain doctor. This appointment was just plain frustrating. He didn't answer even one question or listen to anything we had to say. He had his own area of interest and just kept going on that way!

I am so discouraged tonight. Just frustrated!

Becky

2008-06-23T23:16:00.005-04:00

Every day seems interesting in its own way. This morning I had to take 2 valium for the muscle spasms. My Mom and grandson Kael came over to make sure I wasn't going to fall because that seems to be the consequence of taking those pills. I seemed fine...the spasms went away and I was feeling pretty energetic..enough to play with Kael, eat some lunch and work a little on my scrapbooking. I finally told my Mom she could go home that I was fine!

I sat down at the desk unaware that I was sleepy and started playing a game. Next thing I knew I was asleep and got a phone call from the disability attorney. I am always hoping that when they call that I am going to get the good news that my disability has been approved!! It wasn't that call. It was the monthly call to ask when I had doctor's and therapy appointments. What a disappointment. I guess I fell asleep because next thing I knew this time is that I was tipping over sitting on my heavy leather desk chairand me and the chair both ended up on the floor. I was scared to death. I also couldn't get up. I knew Wayne was out of town but I reached up to get the phone off my desk. Thank goodness that it was there because I'm notorious for taking the cordless phone to another room and leaving it there. I almost always keep my cell phone in my pocket in case I fall but you guessed it...not today:) Wayne called his parents and my Mom. His parents got here first and helped me get up. I mainly needed someone to hold onto the walker. Even though the brakes were on it would move when I tried to get up. It was a struggle but I made it up. I fell on my back and it was spasming at the time. Just as I got up, my Mom walked in the door. I kept thinking that his just isn't right. I should be helping any one of them. They must worry about who's going to take care of them when they get in this condition. Who knows? Maybe I'll be well by then:) That's one thing that would be really be difficult for me is to see my parents or in-laws needing help and we or I can't do it!

My Mom stayed and helped me get ready for my therapy appoinment. She washed and blow dried my hair. I got dressed and we were off for therapy. I went to the same lady that helped me so much with my feet. She was so good to me back then. This time she seemed a little brusk (is that a word?) and rather rough on what she expected of me. One of the most painful positions I can do is to lay on my stomach and she had me lay on my stomach the entire time. I guess I would have expected things to be a bit more gradual. She made it seem like this whole back problem was my fault...like I'd done something wrong. She wouldn't answer my questions...just ignored me. She acted the same way to my Mom. Wayne says to quit and go elsewhere and that's what I'm thinking at the time. We see my pain doctor on Wednesday and I think I will mention it to him and see what he thinks I should do.

When I came home Wayne was here. I was SO glad to see him and tell him all about it. I fell asleep and slept for 3 1/2 hours....I even slept through supper!

Tomorrow is another day...we'll see what that holds.

2008-06-20T09:03:00.006-04:00

It's been a rough week since I posted last. Last Tuesday I woke up with the worst ever muscle spasms I've ever had. None of the medications I had would even touch them. After about 3 hours Wayne called the ambulance to come and pick me up and take me to the ER. When they got here they had their bed and said they would have to strap me to it. I could sit up but they would still have to strap me to the bed. There was no way I was getting strapped to anything. So...they helped me get into Wayne's van and I kind of stood up till we got to the ER. The good thing about the ambulance being alerted is that we got attention right away. They first took my vitals and my blood pressure was 225/112. I think that alerted them that this was very serious. I DO NOT want a stroke. I had started getting a headache and felt like I could have had a stroke had they waited any longer. They gave me a strong pain reliever (same that is in my pump) and it didn't really take away the spasms but it put me to sleep. I don't care...at least I wasn't feeling the pain. Wayne said that even though I was asleep my body kept on spasming for quite some time.

That same afternoon I had an appointment with the nurse practioner for the physiatrist. (who is a doctor of physcal medicine...orders therapy, etc.) She was SO helpful. One thing she helped me with that no one had ever told me before is that valium is an excellent muscle relaxer. I know it is highly addictive and my doctor has limited me to 2 a day for a few weeks. After that he wants me to go to a place called "Doctor's Hospital". From all the asking around this place has an excellent reputation. They deal with people like me that have muscle spasms that are difficult to treat I can't begin to tell you how many days I have paced and cried with these spasms. I wish someone had told me about both things...the valium and the "Doctor's Hospital". My only ploblem with this hospital is that the patient has to stay there including overnight! From the time I was a little girl I have always suffered with homesickness. It starts right at dusk and continues all night but If I want to get getter I just have to do this. I can't continue to take valium because on that med I can't drive and I also can't continue on with these spasms or I'm going to have a stroke or worse!

Yesterday I attempted to have an MRI on my low back but couldn't make it trough the MRI because the pain was so bad. I stood it for the longest period I could but evidently it wasn't long enough. They are hoping there is enough good film shot to give the doctor the information he needs. I thought for sure I would be all right because they gave me 4 pain shots through my IV but it didn't even touch the pain. I think they believed me since my blood pressure also wernt up during that time.

Most of the time I am able to accept these limitations and be content but there are times that I watch people walk or stard in one place and wonder how they do it. I want to be normal like that SO badly but I just continue to get worse. I have probably another 30 years to live and it scares me to think what that future holds. Most of the time I don't even let myself think about it but there are times that it scares me to death. Just this morning we were watching the Early Show on TV and there were all these people standing and watching the group "Chicago" sing and it made me angry. I wanted them all to experience what I do for just a day !! Or there are times I am at the grocery store in my little electric cart and there stands a woman in her 70s or 80s standing there like she could stand there forever. It's these times that I have to regroup and think of the blessings that I do have that these people may not have. Three children who love and respect me, 7 grandchildren that LOVE to come here and a husband who knocks himself out for me and parents that would move a mountain to help me get well. My Mom has been coming over here every day for a while and cooking for me. I have been eating better and for some reason I'm sleeping longer too. I appreciate what everyone does to help me make it through the day!!

Have yourself a good day. I am hoping to get to go to the design teams meeting, carry in dinner and maybe even get to crop a little bit with them tonight!!

2008-06-09T07:28:00.002-04:00

No pictures today but really could use your prayers. I have had muscle spasms now for 2 days straight. I can get rid of them for a couple hours with the medications but the medicine also puts me to sleep. It is really very scary to me because the spasms have always responded to the medicine and gone away but this time the spasms come back within hours.

I will try to get in to see my doctor today but even then I don't know how I will make the trip there!

More later....
Becky

2008-06-05T22:11:00.004-04:00

This is our granddaughter with her new hair cut. She has the most beautiful hair. It is thick with a slight curl. All she has to do is wash and dry her hair and it looks adorable. Before this she had really long hair so this was a drastic change for her. She is our first grandchild and was born in Brazil. Her name is the same as mine...even last names. I try not to put last names on this blog ... for their own safety.

This is Caden with his catch of the day...turtle! Thank goodness his Daddy thinks like I do and insisted Caden let it go into the lake they live at. His Mommy said he cried all the way into the house. They painted Caden's name on the back of the turtle and they will hopefully see him this year.
This is my legs wrapped. I had walked in them a little bit and the big toes always try to peek out. Our daughter (Katie) came over this evening and Wayne taught her how to wrap my legs. He and Katie's husband are going to Chicago tomorrow and don't know when they'll be back so Katie will wrap my legs late afternoon for me...after I go swimming. I can't begin to say how grateful it makes me feel that our daughter would be more than willing to do this for me. All 3 of our children have the desire to help where they can.
This is my buddy. I try to not think about the fact that I need to use a walker and try to make it fun. One fun thing is that I can use the seat to carry things from room to room. I also try to use it humorously and cut Wayne off when we're walking and I become the champion!! Otherwise, if I really let it sink in that I have to use a walker it could be too overwhelming

I woke up with muscle spasms again this morning (actually it was yesterday) and it took about 4 hours to get rid of them and by the time they went away I was sooooooo sooooooo sleepy. Everywhere I sat today or anything I tried to do I instead fell asleep. The whole day went by without me even knowing it. I started to wake up around 9:00PM and I think that was becausre I drank a cup of coffee.

2008-06-02T22:27:00.005-04:00

Below is my latest scrapbook layout. I had a hard time with this one. I think it's because I've been feeling so lousy that it makes it hard to make decisions. This took a whole month to put together.

Last night was a design team meeting and I volunteered for 3 layouts (maybe even a couple of double layouts?) so we will see what I get done...I hope it's all 3 of them.

I had a strange thing happen yesterday. I bought some turquoise nail polish when I was at Walgreen's. I have several things that match that color. I asked Wayne to put the polish on for me and he grudgingly agreed:) About a half hour after he put on the polish my toes started to burn and tingle. They were that way all night and all day today! My toes swelled and were beet red. Then, this afternoon after I went swimming they started to get a rash on them. I called the doctor's office and explained my situation. It was after hours and they called me back when I was at WalMart. They asked me if I could come right in and I said I could. So I whizzed through the 20 items or less line and got out in the car and told my Mom what they had said at the doctor's office. She took me there and the doctor on call looked at my feet and said there was no infection...thank goodness!!! I worry about getting an infection. The physical therapist said if I get cellulites again that it is very possible to become septic (sp?) and that's what I worry about. He said they (my toes and feet) were just extrememly irritated from the polish. Who would have ever thought?? I guess there is one more thing I can add to my list of things I cannot do anymore.

Last night at the design team meeting I actually felt a little out of things because of not feeling well and always being sick. The others just seemed to be so different from me...like I used to be. It made me just want to cry...but I managed to hold it together till I got home and then I cried a little and felt sorry for myself just a little;( But Wayne was there and is always able to help me out of the glooms,

2008-05-23T02:03:00.002-04:00

It is 2:00AM here and I am awake trying to deal with a toothache!!It has settled down now and I sure don't want to eat anything in fear of it ating up again. I've got 2 weeks till the dentist appointment and a root canal....can't wait! It will be so good to get rid of the pain.

Not much new except for the fact that the pharmacy I've been with for several years (and spent thousands of dollars with) has been cheating me with one of my meds.We come right home and count it and this month it is 5 pills short. Last month it was 3 pills short. Now this doesn't sound like a lot but my doctor gives me just the right amount to last till refill date and not even 1 extra! So I am switching pharmacy's.

2008-05-18T14:52:00.006-04:00

This is Kaleb having a very rough day. Within a few minutes he was happily playing again. I can't even remember what he was so upset about...

If you ever wonder how important to a child/grandchild it is to attend their school programs remember these pictures. Tyler is in the back row in the navy/baby blue shirt...kind of right in the center by the little girl with long braids. In the first two pictures he is looking for his family in the audience and the third picture he spots us! I almost didn't go to this program because I didn't feel real good that night but I will always remember that face when he spotted his family there to watch him!

Looking....

Looking......

And...we are found!!!

I have been waking up in the mornings and just holding my breath till I know if I'm going to have muscle spasms. These spasms are what I would call violent spasms and it usually takes 2 kinds of muscle relaxers to get rid of them....and then I'm out of it the rest of the day...sleeping...sleeping!It always takes a little over an hour for the spasms to let up and the only thing I can do is to pace with my walker. I can't sit or even lay down. I wish I could lay down but that makes them worse.

I had the spasms yesterday morning and didn't have them this morning. I cannot yet find a reason for them...anything I do different one day than the next and haven't found a connection. If I ever do figure it out I will stop doing whatever it is...believe me! The spasms originate in my tailbone area and there's no way to stretch it out like I used to with the spasms in my lower back.

I have talked to my primary care doctor about the spasms and he doesn't have a clue. This week I had a pump refill (morphine pump) and talked to my "pain " doctor and he really didn't have any answers either. Tuesday I have an appointment with a physiatrist (doctor of physical medicine) and I hope maybe he can get to the bottom of this.

It's kind of a lonely Sunday afternoon for me. After I finish this I think I'll try to scrapbook some. Wayne is in Chicago at a restaurant convention. He was asked to come and help out in a booth for a wifi company. Wayne is thinking about buying a territory but wanted to see the reaction of the people to this at the convention. He called about 2 hours ago and said they'd only had 2 visitors to their booth...will be interested in knowing if it's picked up since then.

2008-05-10T23:45:00.004-04:00

Scrapbooking this picture brought back so many good memories of times showing horses and what fun we all had. I was so proud of all 3 children for their showing ability. Kristi is on one of her favorite horses, actual name is Musclebuster. We called him KB because there was all ready a Buster in the barn and we didn't want to get them mixed up. KB stood for Kristi's Buster. I thought he was such a beautiful horse!

I'm back. I haven't felt like posting for a couple of weeks. Physically I've been exhausted from lack of sleep. I was lucky to get 1 hour of sleep a night for long time. And, physically, it seems like I've lost ground. I have had to start using a walker in the house because of the back pain.

The neurologist increased the medicine (Lyrica) for my foot pain. It has helped considerably with the pain but has added a couple of side effects that I don't like. The one that really drives me nuts is the stuttering. I have a real hard time t getting out my thoughts. A person has to be real patient with me or they will give up on me.

Thursday evening was to be an exciting evening. There was a meeting at the local scrapbook store and the secret pals we h ad for 4 months were to be revealed. I'm the only one who had the person I gave to and the person who gave to me not at the meeting. And, to top it off, I was happily eating some cake when I got this horrific tooth pain. It was in the tooth that needs a root canal. Since Wayne was in Detroit I called my Mom to come and get me right away. I wanted to go home where I could yell if the pain came back. I couldn't believe how bad the pain was. I called the dentist and he called back and wanted to see me Friday morning at 8:15. I was there right on time and he looked at it and felt around and decided I have an abcessed tooth. He said the next 48 hours would be the worst. He said if it made it that long then I should pretty much be out of the woods of that tooth pain!

2008-04-22T08:29:00.005-04:00

What is sweeter than a dandelion bouquet from the hands of a child? Tyler told me he wantd me to keep it forever.

If you look real close Caden had a dandlion bouquet in his hand, too. He doesn't quite have the idea of getting a little stem with the flower!

Tyler is fixing up the flowers as to make it pretty for me.

This is my latest layout. This is Jacob...our daughter's (and son-in-law)'s son. They camped in northern Florida and enjoyed the Florida beach!

2008-04-19T03:18:00.006-04:00

One of my latest layouts of Caden. He isn't always cooperative with picture taking but sometimes if I"m persistent he'll give and give me a million dollar smile!

It's 3:20AM and I'm just coming down off of some really bad muscle spasms. I got in bed about 1:30 and it felt so good and I was so comfortable and then a familiar feeling started to come to me and not but a few minutes later I had an explosion of muscle spasms in my low back. I've come back later to say that these spasms lasted 4 hours! I finally started getting some relief around 7:00 AM. But now I'll be out of it the rest of the day. I just hate that. But I have to do something to get rid of those spasms.

I had one of he best days yesterday that I've had for a long time. My feet barely hurt and my back wasn't bad at all. We went to WalMart for some needed grocery items and then Wayne's sister and her husband came over to visit. They are here from Colorado and it was so good to see them and visit with them. He is just nearing the end of chemo therapy for a tumor in his abdomen. It was interesting to hear what he's gone through. Sounded so like what I've been through in the past couple of years with the feelings of why me? to the sleepless nights!

They did something kinda fun when he lost his hair. They had their friends and family send him hats as their way of showing they care. I thought that was so neat! Never heard of that before but what a unique way of showing support.

One of the reasons I started this blog was to write down some of the cute/ineresting things the grandkids do and say. This week our 4 year old grandson, Kael got his tadpole in the maill. He had the home and had to send away for the tadpole. He was SO excited. The only problem was he wanted to treat it more like a puppy dog and kept taking i out of the habitat and petting it and holding it. It didn't take long for the tadpole to die. The other big thing in his life was that he asked his big cousin who he adores if he l iked h im better or his big sister better. Well, Tyler (big cousin) said he liked the big sister better. It just crushed Kael. He and his family live with my parents (Kael's great-grandparents) and Kael kept talking about how sad both things made him. My mother told him that when she feels that way she prays about it and tells Jesus her feelings and it makes her feel better. So, he decided to do it but didn't want anyone to hear him so she told him to whisper. She heard him whispering and all of a sudden he said....How can God hear me if I whisper? She reassured him the God knew his heart and when he prays it and says it to God that he can change his feelings and his hurts.

2008-04-14T04:37:00.006-04:00

Do you know how hard it is to get a good picture of a toddler? I wanted to get a picture of Isabella's cute outfit and this is the best I could get. She left her hat on for about 20 seconds:)

I finally figured out that I needed to get my camera ready to shoot and then say Isabella, look at grandma and then ....shoot! Much better:)
She loved playing with this little car. It's so cute because I was holding her and she started pointing at the car and it took me the longest time to figure out she was pointing at the car and wanted to play with it. She points at things she wants and doesn't quit until she gets what she wants. When she wants to nurse she points at her Mother and says mine mine.
This is the only kind of picture I could get of Kael yesterday. Our son said he wondered if Kael was normal with all the things like this that he does and went to his friends house who has a son 2 weeks younger than Kael and there he was doing all the things Kael does. It made him feel better knowing all these silly things are just being 4 years old!
One of my latest layouts. One of the popular trends right now is to stitch on the pages so the vine with the leaves is all hand stitched.

I had such a good day yesterday. My pain level was really low...I had virtually no foot pain and it was a real treat for me. My Mom had us over for lunch for my birthday dinner and it was so much fun playing with Alan's kids. I even played hide and seek with them. After that I had a design team meeting at the scrapbok store and I always enjoy that !

Then at 2:30 this morning I fell out of my chair flat onto my face. Wayne heard the thud and came running in there to see what was wrong. Wayne thinks I might have had a seizure before I fell because before the big thud he said he heard the sounds of me kicking boxes. I have a lot of boxes in my scrapbook room right now because I'm going through things to get ready for a used item sale at the scrapbook store. Last year I made over $700. But anyway, back to last night... When I got home from my meeting I had signsthat I was going to have a seizure so that's why he had that in his mind. My feet and legs would just start twitching and jumping for no reason. I haven't been able to get back to sleep so I thought I would do some blogging and then play a game. Fortunately I will be home all day and can sleep when I want to.

I just feel so frustrated with this body. I want so badly to be normal but it just doesn't happen for me. When I try to do normal things that others are able to do then I pay for it.

It was so cute yesterday....our son's 4 year old son, Kael, is really warming up to me lately. It took a long time and I'm so thrilled. I feel like he has a special place in my heart (like each of the grandchildren do) because I witnessed his birth. It's the first birth I'd ever seen and it was so exciting to see a grandchild come into this world.

So, Kael was standing by me and looking at my face and said...why do you have those red lines on your chin? I said they are broken blood vessels. He said why do you have them? I said when y ou get older a lot of funny things happen to your body. Then he saw a mole I had and said...what's that Grandma? I said a mole. He said what's a mole. I said a big freckle....for a loss of words to explain a mole. Then he said why do you have water on your neck? I said because I'm sweating. Then he got me a napkin and tried to help me wipe the sweat off. It brings tears to my eyes even now now to think he would do that. Such a loving gesture.

Kael had scarlet fever this winter and it is still affecting him now. It had caused him to be so emtional. He cries at the littlest thing. And, he needs so much quiet. I think all the noise of everybody made him nervous so he went to the guest bedroom that he calls the green room because of the colors in the room and laid in the baby bed for the longest time. Wayne and I both went in at separate times to make sure he was all right and he seemed very content. He came out later and was just fine.

So as you can see I have the very good and the very bad things in my life and they always seem to been connected. Wayne is so protective of me and it upset him to see me overdo it yesterday but sometimes I just have to do it to feel normal once sometimes.

2008-04-10T08:58:00.002-04:00

I've had a rough week so far this week. I just have no energy and sleep all day long. There are things I want to get done but everything...even scrapbooking...seems like it would take too much effort. I am beginning to wonder if I'm not a little bit depressed. I see myself going downhill as far as my health goes and it's really hard to face. I think what started to make me look at this is that my drivers license is expired and I looked at my picture from 5 years ago and what a change!! I can see what a huge change in health I've taken in the last 5 years. I worry that if the next 5 years is that drastic what I'll be like. But.....I am trying to take this just one day at a time. Some days I'm successful at it and others I'm not.

I am thankful for so many things though. Wayne has stuck by me through everything. He calls me several times a day and really cares how I feel. My mother has been blessed with better health and is able to help somewhat. Right now she's busy with our son's family and helping our son's wife but if I would need her I'm sure she'd be here. Our children are all very respectful of me and of my limitations. I know they'd like Mom to be like she used to be and so would Mom like to be there but life doesn't always give us what we want. God doesn't always answer our prayers. Let me rephrase that....God doesn't always give us what we ask for. I have tried hard to figure out why this would be given as my cross to bear and I always come up short of an answer. I've always tried to please others and God and even spent many years traveling around the area giving concerts for just pennies.

2008-04-05T07:57:00.005-04:00

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me! Below is what I pooled my birthday money to buy. I have this machine only it is half the size. This one is much more versatile and I've had fun playing with it and seeing the capabilities. I am giving my old one to our daughter, Kristi. She loves doing crafts and I think she will really enjoy having it. There's nothing wrong with it and I've enjoyed using it for 2? 3? years.
It's a few minutes before eight o'clock this morning and it's all ready been quite an adventerous day for me. When my muscle spasms begin I can always feel them in my right leg first and I woke up with that feeling at 4:30. It didn't take long for the spasms to be full blown spasms. It's real hard to explain them except to say that they rock my whole body. I can't sit but have to pace using both canes. They lasted their usual time and that's about an hour and fifteen minutes. That's how long it takes for the medicine to start working on them. All I can say is that I'm so thankful for that medicine. I can't imagine having the spasms for more than the time I have them all ready. When they go away all I can say and feel is...what a relief!!! My body feels like its been through a battle...and it has:)

Yesterday was hair day. I got my hair highlighted and cut and get it all done here at home. Steve (Katie's husband) and Wayne got their hair cut while my highlights were processing. I love it that she comes to the house. First of all, it's a total convenience for me and 2nd of all it's about half the price. I save money and the beautician makes more money than doing it in a shop where she'd have to give a part of her money to the owner. And, the good thing is that she's really GOOD!! I trust her completely.

I hadn't written for a while because it's hard to write when all I do is stay here at the house...don't see anyone but Wayne at night and nothing exciting happens!

Since I posted last I had a birthday. My whole family remembered me and we're celebrating Sunday afternoon. It will be fun to celebrate with all the little kids. Our kids are all so good to me. They know I suffer with pain and I know I could turn to any one of them for comfort and they'd be there. That alone is the only birthday gift I would ever ask for or want but it's nice to get the icing on the cake sometimes too.

2008-03-31T07:15:00.004-04:00

This is my latest layout. I will post more later today. I was up at midnight with muscle spasms so am very tired this morning. I can't type much without lots of mistakes:)

2008-03-26T07:49:00.008-04:00

I did this layout for a weekly contest at the scrapbook store.

Kael enjoying the easter egg hunt. He is so expressive. His smile faded later that afternoon when he didn't get to be the character he wanted to be in a game they played. I felt so sorry for him....he ended up falling and hitting the coffee table on his ear and it's all black and blue.

Isabella has made up with Wayne. I'm still trying to work my way into her life a little bit:(

Caden put his own shirt on after taking it off because it was too hot. We all tried to offer to turn it around but he liked it just the way it is.

This is taken right outside the door at Tyler and Caden's house. I tried to get one nice picture of the the two boys but finally gave up! Notice that the shirt started out the right way:)

We made up bags for Easter for the grandkids. Everybody had gotten theirs by Easter except for Isabella. We got her the sunglasses, the broom and a baby doll. We've had the baby doll for a while and I was going to use it for a bribe tool to get Isabella to come to me...haha! Kaleb grabbed these right away and put them to use. He is so jealous of her that he probably thought he was pulling one over on her.

Isabella with her new baby doll. She's just SO cute!

Kaleb with Isabella's sunglasses. Do you think he put them on by himself?

Caden is going out for the Easter egg hunt. Notice his feet...we couldn't find his shoes so he went out with just his socks.

Look at those eyes....the windows to the soul.

I thought I'd finally gotten a good one until I got in the car and saw Caden's mouth:)

I really enjoyed Easter. I felt fairly well and was able to go out to eat and go to my Mom & Dad's and see the Easter egg hunt and see my brother, his wife and their son, Connor. They live in Indianapolis but I rarely get to see them. They are just so busy with their lives. He is a doctor in psychology specializing in the brain and she is a nurse. Some of the things he tells us he's learned about the brain is fascinating. He actually turned out to be a pretty good guy instead of the little brat that I once thought he was. I was 10 years older than him and didn't welcome being dethroned at that age. He was so little and so cute and I was growing to be awkward and into that tween age that can be so difficult to feel good about yourself.

I had a pump refill yesterday and was so thrilled that the doctor listened to me about the back pain I've been having. He actually bumped me up 2 miligrams a day. That is the biggest increase he's ever given me and I can feel it today....thank you Dr. Grove:). Since it's dilaudid in the pump he has to be careful not to bump it up too high or I could have breathing problems and just stop breathing.

Don't remember if I blogged after the neurologist appointment but he bumped up the medicine for my feet and they have been quite a bit better. Every day I would call Wayne and beg him to come home and rewrap my feet because it helps my feet so much. I know it makes him feel torn but he has to work to pay the bills.

American Idol lovers....who'd you like last night? I'm so disgusted...Wayne picked David Cooke to win and I picked David Archuleta. David Cooke really did a much better job last night than David A. Wayne was right again and I'm supposed to be the one who knows music:) Tonight will be interesting who goes home. I really don't have strong sense of who it will be like a lot of times that I do. I love the group numbers....hope they do another tonight!

2008-03-17T05:36:00.005-04:00

The above picture is of Isabella at just a few weeks old. Her Mommy keeps her looking so cute and it's usually in some shade of pink...that will probably be the first color she knows.

Today is the day I dread out of all the days of the week. Wayne works a very long day on Monday's. I always try to think of something to make him postpone it but it rarely works. He is the only one who knows how to wrap my legs and that is the secret to keeping my feet out of pain. He also wraps my toes in guaze...I have never figured out how or why that works to keep me out of pain when I can't even wear socks. The therapist said it's because each toe is wrapped individually instead of grouped all together. I have learned to wrap my toes but do a horrible job at it...I usually get it too tight. It's really hard to work on your own toes.

We never fully appreciate something until we lose it. This foot problem has really left me debilitated....or for easier words....can't go anywhere. It is much harder to accept and harder to deal with than the back pain. It makes the back pain look like a piece of cake.

I can't remember if I said this before but I am at the point where I'm probably going to get rid of all my shoes. I love them and it's going to be very difficult to do. I might have to give Wayne a sack and say go to it and just drop them all off at Goodwill. I cannot see a time where I will ever be able to wear them again. It looks like it will be crocs forever for me. I know there are many worse things that could happen to a person but right now this is what I am dealing with and it seems pretty yucky to me.

Don't forget to wear green today:) It was always such a big deal when I was in school to have that green on or get pinched! Happy St. Pat's Day and Happy Monday!

2008-03-13T00:53:00.002-04:00

Our middle daughter, Kristi, is married to Eric and they have a 3 year old son and they all live in Memphis. Eric's grandmother passed away last week so they all drove to Chicago for the funeral. I was talking to Kristi today and asked her if they took Jacob in for the viewing (or wake, whichever you call it). She said they did and didn't make any big deal about it but Jacob did have two questions. 1st....he wanted to know what guys got her which gave Krist and Eric a good opportunity to explain that Grandma was old and died from being old. When he saw her in the casket he wanted to know if she could move her arms and legs...what a good time to explain these things casually and not make a big deal of it.

Late Friday afternoon I called the company that makes the machine I've been using on my feet with a couple of questions. He didn't say but I think I talked to the inventor. He was so patient and so knowlegable about the machine and I'm so glad I called!! I was using the machine wrong. I read about 3/4 of the directions when I got it and then was ready to get moving with it!! I put adhesive pads with electrodes (?) on them and hook them to this little machine...looks a lot like a tens unit. The signal is supposed to go up one leg and down the other. The way I had been doing it I was blocking the signal. Lesson learned? Read the entire directions!!

The way I understand creation is that everything has a purpose. I would like to know what purpose dust has. It sure seems like we could have dne without it!

2008-03-10T02:48:00.009-04:00

I have continued to use the "Rebuilder" on my feet 2 times a day and am seeing an improvement all ready. I wonder if it's from the unit or something else?? I will continue to use it and hopefully it is living up to its claims. What a thrill to wake up without that terrible nerve pain. Wayne continues to wrap my legs and toes 3 times a day because of the lymphedema. I will have to have that done for the rest of my life....a life sentence!

This morning I got up and my whole right leg had no feeling and I had no strength in it. I used 2 canes to walk out to the kitchen and when I got to the kitchen I took a step alone on that leg and I went flying backwards and ended up on the floor. Well, I tried as hard as I could to get up and couldn't so had to crawl back to the bedroom. I kept trying to move the leg and it took about an hour to get the strength back in it. I would like to know what is causing this. It is the 2nd time it's caused me to fall and it's really scary.

Our oldest grandchild, Rhebeca, came here for the afternoon. Did I feel like having her? No, I didn't but didn't want to refuse her. I am glad she came because she really lifted my spirits and we had a great time together and did a lot of laughing...good for both of us. We tried doing several things but we ended up doing a game together on the internet... one where you have a picture and have to find objects in the picture. We had fun looking and trying to find the objects. There was a story line behind it which made it even more fun.

American Idol alert:) Just a little bit about American Idol to close this today. I pretty much agreed with the elimations last week except for one. I really hated to see Danny leave so soon. I loved his voice and liked his personality. He was really funny and Idol could use that personality! Oh well....I'll have to watch and see what happens with him. Maybe some company will sign him and he'll have a CD out in the near future!

2008-03-01T23:17:00.004-05:00

There are certain things that you look back on and wonder what was going on in your mind. These pictures are both our middle daughter, Kristi. The picture on the right is the one I am talking about. That piece of furniture is our chest that goes with our bedroom suite. She is standing on the middle drawer and hanging on the doors and there I am taking a picture. Everytime I look at that picture my skin crawls. Thank goodness it is a heavy piece of furniture and didn't fall on her. But even saying that it's heavy and if it did fall on her I don't want to think of what could have happened. I just have to think that God spared her life many times.

The other picture is just for Kristi. She is at the point in her life now where she has a little guy making all kinds of messes and wanted her to see that she's getting her fair payback...ha ha!! I love that picture of her with chocolate all over her face, hands, and everywhere. (By the way, that was in 1976 and the wallpaper and flooring were in style, believe it or not:)

I found a company on the internet when I was searching neuropathy which is what is wrong with my feet. It is called "The Rebuilder". It is supposed to rebuild the nerves that are causing all the pain. I have had a lot of pain in my life and I think this pain in my feet is the worse pain I've had. My back still spikes into terrible pain but it still isn't anything compared to the nerve pain. This unit is supposed to rebuild those damaged nerves. I have a 30 day trial on it and if it doesn't help in 30 days I can send it back for a full refund. So far, things are just a tiny bit better. I drove myself to the scrapbook store which is a real indication that things were a little bit better. My toes and the ball of my feet are where the worst pain is and I can't stand to have anything touch them...not socks, shoes or a blanket. So, I wear crocs and as soon as I get into the scrapbook store I take my shoes off and put them in the bottom of the cart. I know people wonder what kind of wierdo I am to be going barefoot but since it helps my feet I really don't care what they think! Back to the Rebuilder....their claim is that this unit will repair the damaged nerves...I certainly hope that is true.

2008-02-26T18:57:00.002-05:00

Above is my latest Design Team project. I was supposed to do a layout on "why I scrapbook". All those little faces are truly the reason why...they are a great motivator.

I am at peace tonight. All day Friday, Saturday, Sunday and most of Monday the foot pain was at the unbearable. Monday afternoon my Mom took me swimming at Swan Lake. When I got out of the pool I didn't know how I was going to walk to the car because the pain was so bad so I looked in my purse and had 2 toe wraps. I sat down and wrapped my toes while my Mom dressed the two little grandsons that swam with us. The pain let up significantly. I went home and took my foot medication and all of a sudden the pain relented. My Mom said she was increasing her prayers to pleading with God for some relief and Monday afternoon I got it. Thank God for the relief. Was it the swimming? the prayers? the pills? or all of the above? I don't know and really don't care except that it went away.

I hadn't driven for weeks and within a half hour drove to WalMart for some things I needed and I enjoyed just looking at things and being by myself and not worrying that I was keeping someone from something because they were waiting on me. Now, I want to say to the ones that take me places...I really appreciate every single thing you do. Mom, for all the errands you help me run...Katie, for all the Starbucks you bring me and Wayne, for sitting in the car while I shop at different places. You are all so good to me. But, there's nothing like being able to do it myself.

That said, this was a one time thing and I will probably be needing you again soon:)

I sent Wayne the cutest card for Valentines Day. It was one of the ones you open up and it plays music. The song I sent him was..."You're Still The One". I asked him while I was cleaning things up Monday night (during my freedom from pain) if he wanted to save the card and he did. He just came into the computer room to show me how the card works. He had it all torn apart and found out the chip the made it work and showed me the speaker it needed to hear the music. I told him I thought the card was much prettier when I sent it to him and he said he liked it torn apart much better so he could see how it worked..ha ha!! The difference between men and women?....maybe one of them:)

Tonight is the big night...the top 10 boys singing in American Idol. I all ready have my favorites. They are David Archuleta (if you have some free time go to "You Tube" and type in his name and scroll down and listen to him sing "Mary, Did You Know"?...it is so beautiful it gave me chills), David Cook, Jason Castro and DAvid Hernandez. We'll see how my guys do tonight!

2008-02-23T06:42:00.004-05:00

Kelly, thank you so much for the acronym on fear. I'm going to print that out and keep it somewhere that I can see it frequently. I have a lot of fear I deal with...not just fear about the foot pain so it think can benefit me in many areas of fear in my life:)

We got no help at all from the foot doctor. He told me he is an orthopedic foot doctor and what I need is a neurologist who deals with nerve pain. So, I called the neurologist and will go see him at the end of March. The last time I saw him he made me mad but I will give him another chance. At the end of my last appointment he told me I was on a lot of medication. Well, like I didn't know that all ready. When we got to the car I went over the list of meds with Wayne.

There's meds for thyroiditis...gotta take that
there's meds for my foot pain (3 pills)...gotta take that
there's meds for high blood pressure...gotta take that, don't want a stroke
there's pills for back pain, really need those ...that's 2 pills
there's a pill for high blood sugar, really need that
and last but not least are pills for laxatives...anyone with a pain pump like me needs those

Now, why didn't the doctor go over the list like that with me instead of making me feel like I'd done something wrong? I think if he brings it up again I will ask him what he suggests I cut out of the list? Other than this one incident I have really liked him so maybe he will give me some help with my feet...I always continue to hope!

Yesterday (Friday) was a rough day for me physically and mentally. I can usually keep my spirits up and don't get depressed very often. The foot pain yesterday was just almost unbearable. When I went to the foot doctor one of the questions they asked me is if the pain ever gets bad enough that I want to cut my foot off? I thought that was a rather odd question for a doctor's office to ask me until yesterday...then I understood. I was ready to cut off my toes the pain was so bad.

I take quite a few pills (unfortunately) in the mornings and to guard against stomach upset I usually take the pain pills first. I take 3 different kinds of pills for my feet and when I first wake up I take those and the pain pill for my back. I don't take much for my back since getting the morphine pump installed...thank goodness! Sometimes in the mornings I'm so sleepy when I take those pills for my feet that I can barely focus my eyes. The pain was so bad yesterday that I was really depressed about my situation.

Around 4:00-4:30 in the afternoon I was going to take the rest of my morning pills and what to my amazement was one of the foot pills I forgot to take. That certain pill is called Tegretol and is actually an anti-seizure medication but they have found the the anti-seizure medications help with nerve pain. I would imagine that not only did my feet hurt from not getting the tegretol but I think I went through some withdrawal from not getting the Tegretol...it is a very strong medication!

It makes me so thankful for these pills that keep the pain under control most of the time. I cannot imagine my life without them:)

2008-02-18T19:58:00.005-05:00

I had to reschedule my last appointment with the foot doctor. Tomorrow is the day we go to see him. I cannot wait to go. I can't help but be very full of anticipation that he may have something to help my poor feet.

Today is the worst day I've ever had with foot pain. Wayne said that there is a front coming through tonight and I have begun to notice that my feet are worse when there is a front coming through. I just couldn't do anything to get out of pain and feeling that way I didn't get ONE thing done in the house today. Didn't put my dishes in the dishwasher, fold the laundry or didn't even feel like getting dressed. I just ordered a pizza because it sounded good and I did make my way into the bathroom and brushed my teeth since I have to open the door:)

You know what my fear is? I get very fearful when the pain gets so bad and I finally figured it out today. I am so afraid that this will be the time when there is no relief from the pain. Every other time I have found some way, taken a pill, used the foot massager, wrapped my toes and feet/legs...and I've gotten relief from the pain. When I am in an episode of pain like today I get afraid that this is the time it will stay like this forever and I don't know if I could bear it! Oh well, enough for the worrying because by about 6:00pm after I took my foot pills and wrapped my own toes (and that's no easy feat) then all of a sudden the pain relented and was almost gone completely. Go figure:) I don't really care why it goes away...I just care that it does go away!!

My Valentine - Martina Mcbride

2008-02-14T08:58:00.001-05:00

Wishing everybody a Happy Valentines Day!! May you be with the people you love most and have that love returned. After 35 years of marriage we have learned what love is all about. It's waking up at 3 am and wrapping my feet or telling him to drive carefully instead of hurrying home. It's caring for the others needs instead of your own. And, it's enjoying each others company no matter what we do. I am unable to go to the movies many times and even though Wayne would like to go out to eat or out to the movies he cares enough about me to stay here and be content. That's true love and I am so thankful for the love of my spouse on this day that we celebrate love. I don't need jewelry or candy or flowers. I just need that person who loves me and cares about my needs above his own which makes me want to do the same in return.

2008-02-13T05:21:00.001-05:00

I usually don't post this early in the morning. It is 5:22 am and I am awake and in a quandry all ready today. My right leg is so numb this morning that it will not support the weight of walking on it. The last time I tried to walk on it l ike thia I ended up falling. It's just all so frustrating! I am also just barely starting to get slight muscle spasms in my low back so I guess I need to bite the bullet and get walking and hope this leg starts getting some circulation in it and quits feeling numb.

Sunday was probably the best day physically I've had for months. The pain in my feet was virtually gone and it felt just SO good. I felt like doing so many things that I didn't know what to do frst...so I ended up going to my father-in-law's 80th birthday party and then on to WalMat to get some groceries. I didn't want the day to end...but it did and woke up yesterday with the same old pain as usual.

I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon in Elkhart with a physiatrist..... not a phyciatrist but a doctor of physical medicine. One of he things he will ddo is to fill out the forms for my disability but I'm hoping he might have some good ideas to help me.

Jacob on his gocart

2008-02-12T05:53:00.001-05:00

Before you watch this video you may want to go to the bottom of the page and pause the music so you can hear our daughter talking. YOu will see two small straigt lines on the left side and just click on that.

Jacob looks so little to be riding a big go-cart like that and then I remember our kids showing big quarter horses when they were 3 years old. They looked pretty little on those big horses too:)

2008-02-09T18:10:00.000-05:00

Today is one of the roughest days I've had for a while. My back is ready to spasm and my feet hurt really bad. Some days I feel it more because I see how fast I'm slipping as to what I used to be able to do and it scares me. I try not to buy into the fear but at times it overcomes me and tonight it is really nagging at me.

Wayne just left to go to Mishawaka. Our son organizes a fight occasionally and tonight is one of the fights. He has begged his Dad to come and see what he has put on. It has become a big thing but it is really so far from what we are interested in. For me, I can't imagine why someone would want to get into a situation and bang up their good body and good health. If you've got the health, try to keep it!! But, Wayne went tonight to support Alan as a person. Of all nights for him to leave tonight is one of the worst. I have a certain time of day when I get depressed and it's always around sunset. As a child that's when I would get homesick at a friends house and have to go home. So, tonight it's about sunset time and I'm feeling really sad and wishing he were here. I can put up with some long hours during the week because that's what I've come to expect but Saturday's are our day together!!

I will try to explain how my feet feel. I know as someone who knows me or reads my blog you must wonder how my feet really feel and why I complain about my feet so much. If you can imagine a rubber band on each toe wrapped around so tight you can't get it around again...that's a beginning to how my toes feel. I am so hoping the foot doctor has something that will help me. If I could get my feet out of pain it would improve my quality of life tremendously!!

I am participating in the scrapbook store's secret pal swap. If my secret pal is reading this please understand that I am not complaining....just trying to explain how this illness affects every part of my life. I got a beautiful gift today. It is from Bath & Body works and is Lotion which I need BADLY!! My poor dry legs and feet will drink that in and I love the fragrance. I also got a body wash which I'll enjoy and a bath soak which I wish I could use but can't because I can't get in a bathtub without my back really flaring up. I will give that to my daughter and she will love it! When I see something like that it's just another reminder that I can't do things other people can.

2008-02-05T18:38:00.001-05:00

This post is all about American Idol so if you're not interested or not a fan you can hang on till my next post.

Mikalah Gordon and Matthew Rogers have been the hosts of American Idol Extra on Fox channel...same channel as American Idol. Things are going to be a little different this year because they have chosen Gina Glocksen and Constantine Mouralis to host the show this year. That should be prety interesting! The first show will be March 17th at 10:00 eastern time.

If you like surprises don't read the following....but here is a list of the Top 24. So...here it is.... This list is subject to change but is the closest people can find to the Top 24 names. If you would like the site I go to to find all the American Idol information it is http://mjsbigblog.com/

The top 12 girls:
1. Asiah Epperson
2. Alaina Whitakar
3. Alex Lushington
4. Amanda Overmyer
5. Amy Davis
6. Brooke White
7. Carly Hennessy Smithson
8. JoAnne Borgella
9. Kady Malloy
10. Kristie Lee Cooke
11. Ramielle Malubaf
12. Syerha Mercado

The top 12 Boys
1. Chickreze Eze
2. Colton Berry
3. Danny Norieza
4. David Archuleta
5. David Cook
6. David Hemandez
7. Garrett Haley
8. Jason Castro
9. Jason Yeager
10. Luke Menard
11. Michael Lee Johns
12. Robbie Carrico

2008-02-05T05:47:00.000-05:00

This is what I worked on during the crop with the design team Saturday night. It was very time consuming because the layer under the circle was done in about 2 inch segments and had to be added under the circle. It is Tyler in the picture holding the dggs he'd found!

Here it is 5:48 am and I've all ready had a rough morning. I woke up with slight muscle spasms in my back at 4:30. I know they will develop into big ones so was getting up to take a muscle relaxer. They take about an hour to work so I need to get them down me as soon as possible. Well, my right leg was numb and gave out on me and I fell right on my back...just what I didnt need. Wayne was sleeping and heard me fall and has been up keeping me company through these horrific muscle spasms. At one point I asked him to shoot me and he refused. Now I'm glad he didn't but at the time would have welcomed it. I have never had pain as bad as these spasms right into my tail bone. They are so strong they rock my whole body.

I had a tooth pulled 2 weeks ago and got along fine. I just haven't done real well in the healing process. I think the dentist is starting to understand me. When I was in the dentists office yesterday getting it packed for the 2nd time he said...you're not a real fast healer, are you? I thought...you're getting it now. I've been dealing with a dry socket and they are pretty painful...enough so that it's woke me up several times at night. He put me on an anti-biotic and gave me some pain medicine.

I had such a good time Saturday night. Both design teams got together to scrap. I had really missed some of my friends from the team last year...mostly Kelly and Charity (Jen too!). Kelly and Charity were both there and it was so good to see them They are both such positive people and have become good friends. I have missed having friends since I've been sick and have needed it SO bad. Also good to see Molly again who is my cousin's daughter...is that a 2nd cousin?

Most of you who know me know that I am very warm most of the time. Well, here at home when Wayne isn't home I open the windows and turn off the furnace when I'm feeling that way. That's when I love the cold weather. Anyway, I hadn't locked most of the windows all over the house so I could have easy access to just lift the window up. Wayne noticed a draft coming from one of those windows several weeks ago during one of those cold spells. We went around the house and locked all the windows sealing out the cold air. We couldn't believe what a difference it made in our utility bill. Last month was $270 and the one I got a couple of days ago was $220. $50 dollars!! I am sure that is the reason why because it sure hasn't been a warmer month in January. Just a tip for anyone else that might want to check their windows.

Tyler spent several hours here one day last week. There is a computer game that we like playing together. I can't believe how competitive and childish I get when I start playing with him. I have to keep remnding myself that I'm an adult and he is a child. Well, the whole time he was here I kept asking him if he was hungry or if I could fix hi a sandwich to eat at the computer. I kept getting the same answer. Finally he said he would drink a milkshake if I made one for him. Well, his Mom called after she picked him up and said I have to tell you a story. She said I know better than this but you will laugh. She said he started working on her to go to a drivein and kept saying Becky wouldn't get me anything to eat...only drinks! I know he wasn't saying it against me...he was just trying to work his Mom and trying to get her to go to a drive-up...and it worked..ha ha!!

2008-01-28T21:00:00.000-05:00

Kael's cast for his broken arm. He chose dinosaur's for his cast. I guess he thinks showing his cast for a picture is pretty serious business.

Kael was here for a few minutes th is afternoon and Wayne called me to come quick and bring the camera. Wayne found something unexpected in the crane. As you can tell by his big smile..Kael liked that!!

I had one of the worst mornings today that I can remember. I slept for about 4 hours straight and woke up with that familiar feeling...muscle spasms. Sometimes they are bearable but this morning they were totally unbearable pain. They were so violent that you could see them shake my whole body when they would spasm. I took my muscle relaxer but knew it would take an hour to take effect. Wayne was supposed to go out of town today and I begged him not to leave until I was feeling better. He decided to change around his day today and I was so thankful. He worked in the warehouse (which is our garage revamped) all day. We got a shipment of new cranes in and he always has to go over them and make sure everything is working properly.

He only had to leave for about 3 hours to go get the cranes this morning but waited to see that I was doing all right. I had to take another type of muscle relaxer along with the first and they finally started working but I was sleeing-unable to wake up I was worried that I took too much and asked Wayne to make sure I kept breathing. That is the danger of taking too many muscle relaxers along with the medicine in my pump. It slows the respiration and many times a person will just stop breathing.

Once I was awake this afternoon, Katie brought me a Starbucks...always a welcome treat. She had to run to the bank so I said Caden could stay here. While he was here, Jacob called me crying (our little southern grandson from Memphis) Jacob was upset because Mommy didn't know how to hook up the Nintendo game and wouldn't call Daddy at work. Caden heard me talking and

said...give me the phone. I want to talk to Jacob. They are just a few months apart and are good friends all ready at 3 years old. I heard him say I will come and fix it for you Jacob when my Mommy gets here she can bring me. There was a pause and he said...because I love you. Oh, how to tug at a Grandma's heart!!!

Now I'm gonna try to get some scrapbooking done. I's my best time of day and I really need to get some work done for my projects due this week!

2008-01-24T02:35:00.000-05:00

This is my latest layout that I just finished a few minutes ago. I didn't even have to do it for the design team this time ... although one of the members put a sketch up on the design teams board for the members to try out and see how different all our layouts turn out. I love how feminine this one turned out!

Here it is 2:35am and I am wide awake. I went through with getting my tooth pulled today and it went great. My dentist offers the use of sedation and because of a bad dentist I have a lot of fear of the dentist. I am very hard to get numb and it wears off real quickly so my former dentist would get impatient and go ahead and drill and wowee! did that ever hurt

I am now remembering what novacaine does to me... I can't sleep when I've had it and because of my problem getting numb the dentist uses a LOT of novacaine! So, I am just starting to feel a little bit tired.

2008-01-22T23:02:00.000-05:00

If all goes well I will get my tooth pulled tomorrow. I am going in phases to get a bridge done..one of two that needs done. I am starting to have concerns that I have cellulitis in my right hand. It is swollen and very red...just like my leg looks when I have cellulitis.

I am not sure what to do about the dentist but will do some reading online and then show the dentist when I go in there in the morning.

I had one of the worst days today that I've had for a long time. I woke up in horrific pain and by noon it let up to a bearable level. I am thinking it might be the front that moved in this morning.

Not much else new cause I don't do much when I feel like this:)

2008-01-18T22:03:00.000-05:00

Layout done for the design team!

I just finished this layout today. I love how it turned out. It is one that I did for my new design team. I love this picture of Kaleb. He is such a handsome little boy...just look at those eyelashes:)

I am thankful that I had a decent day today. My best friend from high school is here in town because her father passed away. It was so sad to see my friends mother...she looked so sad. They had been married for 57 years and worked side by side all those years. He was a doctor in LaPaz and his wife was his nurse. My friend lives in California near
San Francisco and she wants to take her mother home with her and it sounds like the mother is willing to go. Every time I had seen the mother (Evelyn) recently or actually in the last few years she would hug me and say how happy she is to see me and the tears would just flow. She is a Canadian raised woman and was alway so proper but put up with the antics we two girls would think of. I can rememer her always saying..."Oh dear" and there would be a smile on her face. I feel sad that she will be so far away from us now and now my friend, Andrea, won't have any reason to visit Indiana.

Whenever Andrea and I get together you would think there had been no time lapse in our being together. We can pick up talking after 10-15 years of not seeing each other. My heart feels so heavy that they won't have a reason to visit here anymore. Maybe if she weren't so busy she would stay with me for a few days. I guess after all this settles down I can write her and ask her if she would be willing to do that. She and her husband work together as realtors in the San Francisco area.

They were worried about getting the cats (2 of them) and their golden lab out to California. The airlines won't fly them unless it is above a certain temperture and we are way below that. So, I came home and looked up in the internet to find courier services that drive the animals to their destination. I found 5 places. I was surprised how many I found. I called Andrea and left the numbers for the places on her cell phone.

My feet have been slightly better lately. Wayne and I think it's because I stopped eating pretzels that are so high in sodium. I had been eating them as a snack because if they are baked that means they are much lower in calories. You just can't win sometimes!! Anyway, maybe a little bit of the swelling went away from the lack of sodium.

My next big hurdle is to try to get a little more sleep at night. A good night is 4 hours and that just doesn't cut it for me. Lately it's been lucky to get 1 hour of sleep at night. So many times I have gotten out of bed with terrible muscle spasms or with my right side completely numb. So, now I don't want to get in bed because I don't want to wake up with muscle spasms or with my right side numb. I'm going to work on talking to myself about this and getting in bed and trying to sleep. My solution is to go from the bed to the recliner and keep moving back and forth even when trying to sleep.

2008-01-14T06:10:00.000-05:00

Magnetic Park/Bird Park...whatever you call it this is the natural well that is usually in the middle of a grassy field.

Behind this building is where Tyler played t-ball last summer. He'd need a boat to go back there now.
This is the covered bridge that is in the Centennial Park.

I have just gone through the worst 10 days that I can remember. I could not get control of the burning in my feet and I was just miserable. I tried walking in the pool, kept taking my medicine for nerve pain, kept going to physical therapy and it continued to get worse. I didn't feel like scrapbooking or driving or doing anything....not even blogging. When the pain is so intense I just can't get myself interested in anything. And then on Friday the pain all of a sudden let up to a bearable amount. I wish I could understand what makes the added pain come or even what makes it leave. I had to wake Wayne up in the middle of the night several times to massage my feet. When I'm in pain the nighttime is the hardest time. I feel so all alone ... even though I know Wayne's here...I just don't want to wake him up unless it's absolutely necessary.

I hope hope hope that the pain stays at a low level today because tonight is the first design team meeting at the Memory Zone for 2008. I have looked forward to this meeting for several weeks and don't want to miss it and don't want to be in pain either. Then, I hope I' m able to do my assignments in the next few days that I get tonight.

My Dad had a biopsy in his neck on Friday. There is a mass there and the doctor's want to rule out another spot of cancer. We're hoping it was all confined in his kidney. My Dad acts so brave about it but I know he has to be a little worried. I think the hardest part of this cancer ordeal for him has been that he had to stop takng the medicine that helped his arthritis. Now his pain is so much worse but what I understand is that he has to be careful what he eats and what medicine he takes so the remaining kidney doesn't get overloaded.

Our daughter-in-law, Eutemia, and Rhebeca (9 years old) and Kaleb (2 years old) took the South Shore to Chicago last week. They all had such a good time. Eutemia had to go to the Brazilian consolate to try to iron out some mixed up paperwork. One of the stops the South Shore made a lady got on the train wearing a big fur coat and fur hat. Kaleb looked at his Mom and asked her why that bear is on the train. I have laughed over that several times...out of the mouth of babes! Kaleb has had a hard time adjusting to having a new baby sister and she has to be watched carefully so he won't hurt her. Well, this trip and being with his Mommy did him a world of good. He has even been nicer to his sister. We all decided that when Kaleb starts getting mean to Isabella againt that they would go to Chicago again:) He just need that TLC from the Mommy that was "his" before Isabella.

2008-01-03T22:23:00.000-05:00

You never know what you've got till you lose it. I'm sure we've all heard that and at times it really rings true. I've discovered it with my health...I really long for the old days when I felt well most of the time and could sing every weekend...driving myself there. Well, the last few days I've been without sound on my computer. It's just a little thing but I really missed it. I had gone into my add/delete programs and got carried away in cleaning off what I thought I didn't use and accidently vanished my sound too.

It has been snowing here the past few days. I think it started either Monday night or Tuesday night. Sitting in my nice warm home and looking at it from the inside made it look so beautiful. If I had been in my car and trying to get somewhere in a hurry wouldn't make it look so pretty. I took the above pictures out the front and back doors or our house. I thought the trees looked like a winter wonderland! The snow has stuck on the branches all week and I have just loved watching it. Today it still looked that way only the sun was shining and it was even more beautiful. This would have been a day my Grandpa Al would have loved! He appreciated the beauty of nature and passed it on through his daughters.

This weather and the snow brings back memories of our neighbor man when I was about junior high age. His name was George and he was the nicest man. He would hitch up his horses to either the sleigh or the wagon with not wheels but sleigh wheels. It was SO much fun. He had paths through his woods and would take me or me and my friends for a ride. As an adult I realize how much work that must have been to hitch up those horses and take us for rides. I wish he was still alive so I could thank him still...but since that's not possible I have to pass it on and do things for other people that goes beyond the expected.

I have been really worried about my feet this week. I am taking the highest dose of 3 different medicines for my feet and none of them can be upped. The pain has just been almost unbearable. When I was taking my pills tonight I noticed that one of the pills to ease the foot pain was missing in all the evening pills. YIPPEE!!!! I was so happy to find a reason for the added pain. I went in and added that pill for the rest of the week and tonight I feel better than I have for several days.

I'm thankful for small things...like one little pill that packs a lot of pain relief in it!!

Poor little Kael has the stomach flu. Today he had stomach cramps and diahrrea (sp?) 10 times in just an hours time. He kept saying he just wanted to die. How sad for a little 4 year old. Thank goodness that he will get better and as a healthy child he will get better fast!

Katie took me swimming today. Tyler came along and went swimming with me. I love to ask them questions when it's just myself alone with them. I asked Tyler how old he thought I was. He thought about it for a moment and then with his hands spread out to 10 fingers he flashed them 9 times meaning I was 90 years old. I asked him then how old he thought his Mom was. He thought again and then flashed his fingers to count out 100. So, Katie is 100 and I'm 90. I told Katie and she was shocked that he thought she was older than me. I told her I thought it is probably because she has more authority over him than I do. Children can be so interesting if we just keep our opinions quiet and let them talk.

2008-01-01T20:22:00.000-05:00

Isabella at 5 months

Isn't she beautiful??

I was cleaning up my emails this afternoon and found this picture. I had about 250 emails and had somehow missed this one and was sure glad I found it.

I also found a coupon from Staples....buy $50 and get $25 off. I was getting my order ready and found out it expired Dec. 22nd. How disappointing.

2007-12-31T07:08:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!!

Wayne and I would like to wish you the very best in the year 2008.

I started physical therapy last week after about 6-7 months of a break from it. I think it's supposed to help but I have been much much worse since starting it. My whole feet have been burning and my right leg is almost constantly numb and it's swollen up past my knee. I am really afraid she's made things worse. I will be calling my doctor today and trying to get him to call me back and see what he thinks I should do.

I am working on the album for my Aunt & Uncle's deceased daughter. I needed more paper for it so went into the scrapbook store last night to get some paper. I got there and started feeling really light-headed and was sweating profusely...not like I usually do but like turning up the volume onthe sweating. It was 4:30 and I was afraid they closed at 5:00 so I asked the owner how late they were open and thankfully it was till 6:00. I told her I wasn't feeling well and I'm sure she could tell so she brought me some cold water and a cold cloth. That helped me so much..it took a few minutes to get feeling like I could get some more shopping done! I found some great paper and was on my way to WalMart. I had to get a few groceries and it was dark when I got out of the store. I walked out to where I thought the car was parked but couldn't find it...I was really stressing and decided to press the open door on the remote door opener. Come to find out I was standing right next to the car. I called Wayne in tears because I hadn't noticed the car and he said to remember that I wasn't feeling well...he said there's nothing wrong with your mind.

I woke up to the worst foot pain this morning at 2:30. I always feel panicy when the pain gets this bad. I think part of it is not knowing what is going on with my feet and legs. I'm so afraid of losing the use of them. I just hope that if I keep walking in the pool that it will strengthen them.

Wayne took Beca and I to the pool on Saturday and I noticed quite a bit of the fence was knocked down. I told him I thought some kids were probably messing around and took it out and Wayne said it looked more like an accident. Well, funny thing is when I was in the scrapbook store the employee started talking to me when I was sitting and resting. She said the owner had totaled her van the night before (I think?) and took out part of the fence by Swan Lake. Wayne was right! It was an accident. I was sure glad she wasn't hurt. I guess she managed to hit every side of her van...kind of like a pinball machine bouncing around.

Happy New Year to you and the best of the new year!!!

2007-12-27T10:07:00.000-05:00

I changed the song this evening to this song by Celine Dion. It is kind of sad but expresses so well the feeling a parent has when their child moves out and leaves home. I think that was the saddest time of my life...when our children moved out for college, marriage, etc. I won't leave this song on long but thought it was beautifully expressed in this song.

I started physical therapy again Monday. My doctor thought I should because of he recent bouts with cellulitus I had. It had been a long time (about 6 mos) since I had therapy so she had do to another evaluation. I have to lay on my back on a hard table for that and it really hurts my low back. I wanted to be a good sport about it and not complain but when I got home my back was just screaming in pain. I ended up having to take extra pain medication. I just hope that this helps with the feet and legs.

There was a student in the office learning physical therapy and I am somewhat of an oddity so she asked a lot of questions. I kind of knew it all but I will try to explain it here. Before I got the morphine pump I was in so much pain for so long and I didn't move around much...it was just too painful. It caused the fluid in my legs to start pooling in my ankles. I went to my family doctor many times with the swollen foot..especially worse on the right side. He finally sent me to a foot doctor who said it was plantar faciitis and treated me with shoe orthotics. That seemed to help a little bit for some reason. But the swelling came back again and then I started having burning in my feet...especially my toes. Well, with the burning pain my doctor thought I probably had pheriferal neuropathy. Not sure the spelling is right but it's close. It was 2 Christmas's ago I started on medicine for that and I remember that because the first 2 weeks I was extremly sleepy. I slept almost the whole time at my parents house. I went to Mayo Clinic last winter and they finally diagnosed it as lymphedema. We were so lucky to have someone trained in wrapping legs right here in Plymouth...Rosie!! (forgot to mention that in the last year before the diagnosis I had several bouts of cellulitis in my right leg) The therapist taught Wayne in several sessions to wrap my legs and he's been doing it ever since....2 sometimes 3 times a day.

What I had forgotten or maybe didn't want to remember is how dangerous the cellulitus is. If the infection gets out of control it can be life threatening. Now I know even more how important it is to exercise in the pool to keep that fluid moving and to keep them wrapped.

Tyler came over here this afternoon and we found a new game. We have been playing a series of games on the computer called Granny in Paradise/Super Granny. We found Super Granny 4 today and it's brand new. The fun thing about it is that we can play it together and work together in winning the game. We both laughed so hard and I think it did both of us a lot of good to laugh. When we got to his house today he was crying so hard because his bionicle that we got him for Christmas that he worked so hard t0 build had broken and he didn't know how o fix it. So, me with my added pain and Tyler with his frustrations both needed a good laugh. I know I sure felt better after we played that game.

2007-12-25T07:17:00.000-05:00

Wayne and I want to wish you all a wonderful Christmas Day today. We pray that you will feel the joy of the season as you celebrate with friends and family!

We got some really bad news yesterday about a family member. Our brother-in-law has cancer in his lymph nodes and a mass in his stomach. He has been having stomach problems and this is the reason why. Please remember him in your prayers as he starts chemotherapy and radiation. His name is Ken and his wife (Wayne's sister) is Vickie. Our hearts are heavy today as we have this news in our minds even as we enjoy our grandkids and their excitement of the day.

Merry Christmas!!

Lightfoot Christmas 2007

2007-12-24T23:05:00.001-05:00

2007-12-21T13:09:00.000-05:00

This is the smile Jacob give for every picture taken. It was so comical. I had to try to get him when he wasn't aware of the camera. His Mom, our daughter Kristi, remembered that when she was about his age (actually I think she was 5, not 3) that her smile was like this but maybe a little worse..her mouth was wide open. I was trying to get a picture for Christmas cards so I made her go into the bathroom and practice smiling in front of the mirror for a while. I apologizd to her and she said I didn't have to apologize because she remembers that it worked for her!

Isabella Amira on Sunday, December 16th ...what a little cutie!!

Kristi and Jacob heading to church on a very snowy morning. I think the pine tree across the street is so pretty with all the snow on it. It looks like a winter wonderland!

Left to right is Jacob, Kael and Rhebeca. They look cold but they had a good time sledding. Remember the story about getting the hand, scarf and gloves from The Gap and how bad my back was hurting? Well, if you'll look at Kael in the middle..he is wearing the set out in the cold and snowy weather. I'm so glad I made it there to get the set for him. He loved it!

2007-12-20T06:20:00.000-05:00

One of the scrapbook sites that I visit asked people who blog to answer this question......You can go back to your childhood for one day. What day and age will you choose?

After a lot of thought I would go back to my early teens when I was showing horses. That was a really fun time for me. I remember going to church and changing my clothes ont he way home so we chould head off to the horse show. This was also a time when my friends and I would ride our horses to each others houses and have fun with them. We would try circus acts or just tie up the horses and talk to each other.

Right now I suffer with chronic pain so this was a time when pain wasn't a part of my life. I hadn't had any surgery yet and so it was a very innocent time of my life without the experience of anything "bad" that comes with living life:)

2007-12-18T11:53:00.000-05:00

This is my consolation picture. We had scheduled this group plus Isabella to have their picture taken at Olan Mills on Friday evening. When we got there they told us it would be at least 1/2 hour wait. Children this age do not wait well...so we cancelled the picture. I really felt bad because Jacob isn't here that much and I want a picture of all our grandchildren. So, I took this one on Sunday but couldn't get Isabella in the picture because she was sleeping. Left to right is Kaleb, 2, (Alan & Eutemia's), Rhebeca,9, (Alan & Eutemia's), Kael,4, (Alan & Eutemia's), Tyler ,7,(Steve & Katie's), Jacob,3, (Kristi & Eric's), and Caden,3,(Steve & Katie's).

This is Isabella (8 months) and Alan, her Daddy
Kristi had hoped it would snow while she and Jacob were here and she got her wish plus a little more. Kristi took the kids sledding and carried Kaleb the whole time. I think Jacob is having a good time.

I haven't been online for a while because our daughter and our grandson stayed here for a few days. I loved having them and our grandson...Jacob... really made up with both of us. They left this morning and I feel so sad to see them go. I cried when then left and still could cry but am trying to keep myself busy and keep it off my mind.

I put myself out so much that by last night I couldn't go another inch. I felt badly that I didn't make it to my inlaws Christmas party. I tried real hard to push myself but I couldn't do it. I had a fever and my back and feet were in terrible shape so I stayed home and slept. I am still exhausted this moring but hopefully by the time Tyler comes here this afternoon I will have recouped a little bit!!

2007-12-14T03:13:00.000-05:00

Okay...I've been tagged twice now and I guess I better get on the ball and respond to it. When a person is tagged they have to list 7 things about themselves and then tag 7 people. I have been tagged by:
Tricia at http://triciastreasures.blogspot.com/
Willa at http://www.scrapbook.com/myplace/index.php?mod=blogs&u=126195

7 things about me:

1. I love Starbucks. My newest favorite drink there is the Chai tea latte with low fat milk. It is fairly lowfat and tastes delicious:)

2. I have always loved horses. When I was a little girl I would go to sleep at night dreaming of owning a horse until one day my Grandpa bought me one. I don't own one now because of health but loved owning them in the past.

3. My favorite TV show is American Idol. I am so excited that another season is starting in Janurary!

4. I am left handed and do everything with my left hand except bowling.

5. I used to love to read until this illness hit me...now I'm thinking about getting some books on tape...does the library carry them? They're expensive.

6. I have always loved sweets but it's even worse ...like them even more...since I haven't felt well.

7. I love the water...lakes/ponds, the ocean. I think it is so soothing to be by the water.

I don't know 7 people to tag so I'm probably wimping out but anyone I go to and try to tag has been tagged all ready and it's like...how many times does a person want to be tagged? So, it ws fun to be tagged and I enoyed reading my friends list of 7 things about them that I didn't all ready know!

2007-12-13T17:19:00.000-05:00

Latest layout done for the design team. I just love this picture of Kristi (our daughter) and Eric's little guy, Jacob. In fact, Jacob is flying in an airplane as I type this to come and visit and I'm really excited to see him and his Mom. Isn't this look one of just pure joy of living?

Tomorrow (Friday) we have an appointment at Olan Mills to have all 7 of our grandkids picture taken. That ought to be quite a hoot. Can't wait to see what they're able to come up with.

I haven't had a very good day today. I don't know if I'm extremely tired or what. One thing is I have a toothache on the area where the dentist was going to work on 2 weeks ago. I am so glad the tooth started hurting today because the dentist isn't in the office on Friday's. He won't be in till Monday morning and if the tooth gets any worse I will have to use the pain medicine he gave me. He wanted to give me vicodin but I told them that I take vicodin every day and it won't cut it for a toothache. I told them I would probably need percoset and that's what he did!! It's good to have it just in case that toothache gets to screaming:). My appointment to have this tooth worked on is the middle of January and that seems like a long ways off when a tooth is screaming in pain.

I always buy the "girls" (Kristi, Katie and Eutemia) something from
Bath & Body Works. I told Katie that I would like her help this year. It's nice to have someone of
that age group to help pick out what they would like. So, she picked me up this afternoon and she took me to the store. Caden came along and I took my walker that has a seat on it. He loved the walker and I pushed him on the little seat on the walker unless I needed to sit down. He was pretty slow in giving it back to me but eventually he would get off and let me sit for a little bit. It was a lifesaver today and I need to take it with me more often.

2007-12-10T03:32:00.000-05:00

This is the layout I finished Sunday for one of my projects for the Design Team. I had to use the brown paper in some way. I couldn't stand to use all brown so added some of the orange paper with it. This is a picture of Beca being a "bride" when they lived in Greenwood. She was about 4 years old.

The weekend has turned into quite the interesting days. I'll try to shorten they acocunt as much as possible.

One Friday Wayne said he'd take the day off work and take me to the hospital to see my Dad. Katie called and said she was working and needed us to take care of Tyler. I thought that would be fine and he'd like seeing his Great Grandpa Dick. We picked him up at school at 12:2o because they had a half day. Tyler was a little disappointed that we were heading to South Bend right away but seemed to accept it okay. As we got closer to the hospital he got a little angry acting. We had played a game of travel battleship and my pegs spilled all over his lap and that was very upsetting to him. The rest of the trip he seemed to be angry with me for some reason. When we got to the hospital he refused to go inside. I still didn't realize what was going on with him. Wayne dropped me off at the front door so I could get a wheel chair for him to push me upstairs. It took the longest time and they hadn't come in. Wayne finally called me and said Tyler was refusing to go into the hospital. A long time later I see Wayne carrying a crying Tyler into the hospital. I realized at the moment that he was scared to come in. I forget sometimes that he's only 7 years old and doesn't have the life experiences to make him mature. He's so smart that it seems he at my level at times. We started up to the room and he was still crying. We told him he didn't have to go into the room and that seemed to be a little better for him. I went in to see my Dad and Wayne and Tyler went to the lounge where they found my Mom. I told my Dad about Tyler and he said not to stay...to leave since he was scared...he understood. Even on all the pain medicine he understood Tyler's feelings which I was thankful for. I went to the waiting room and let Wayne see my Dad and then we took off.

Wayne had to fix a crane while we were out. Tyler wasn't too thrilled until he found out they had video games. Wayne gave him huge handfuls of quarters to play the games As soon as we left the hospital he was fine and seemed so happy. It was pure fear that made him act the way he did. I've never seen anything as cute as him playing those games. He kept talking to himself .....even when he was playing the games. I was happy too because I had taken some scrapbook magazine to look through.

After that I had to stop by University Park Mall. I had called the Gap and they had a hat, scarf and mittens for Kael that I wanted so I needed to I pick those up. There's no quick way to get to the Gap so I had to walk quite a ways. I made it to the Gap okay although I was sweating like mad and my hair was even getting wet. It was after I left the Gap that my back pain began and I didn't know how I was going to get out of the mall. I remembered all those times I had spent hours there walking the whole length of the place. I wouldn't be doing that again. Back to today...(actually Friday). I had to stop and rest 2-3 times to make it out to the car. I even felt like I was going to pass out. By that time the sweat was dripping off me onto my blouse, hair and the floor. It is so embarassing. I finally got the strength to make it to the car. Wayne couldn't believe how awful I looked. I was upset physically and emotionally upset that I couldn't do a simple task like that.

Saturday morning I woke up with horrific muscle spasms. I have noticed that they come after I have had a big day the day before. I took a muscle relaxer right away but it took just over an hour for it to help. You can't believe how slow that hour goes when you're in so much pain. I did nothing the rest of the day. My aunt has given me magnets to sleep to prevent the spasms but I haven't found a way to keep them on. I need to get an elastic band with pockets in it. I will try to find one online today.

The rest of Saturday was spent doing very sendentary projects. I worked on a layout due this week for the design team. It is the one at the top of this post.

I woke up with muscle spasms again Sunday morning. I had taken a muscle relaxer when i went to bed Saturday night so thank goodness the spasms weren't as severe and didn't last as long as Saturday morning.

I can't believe it but Sunday was our 35th wedding anniversary. We were both teenagers when we got married so I'm sure many people didn't think we would make it. They didn't know how much we loved each other:) I am unable to travel so a trip for our anniversary is out of the question. I had wanted to go to Red Lobster for lunch and then to a movie but after the day I had on Saturday I didn't feel like going. Wayne is so understanding of my abilities and disabilities and was fine staying home with me. We went to WalMart together and just enjoyed each others company. We got a carry-out from Christo's for our anniversary dinner and after being out so long my back was hurting so I sat in my most comfortable chair which is the computer chair. We ate in different rooms so I could get my back under control. We both understand that this is the way it is. Would I like to change it? Sure I would but I know I can't right now. Even though I'm crying as I type this I am usually very accepting of my situation. Things could be worse and I'm so happy for the abilities that I do have!

2007-12-06T01:09:00.000-05:00

Tuesday I went in for a pump refill. I hadn't felt well ever since I stopped the anti-biotic and when they took my vitals before the pump refill I had a fever. It wasn't high but was lowgrade at 99.7 ....so I called my family doctor today and asked if he would call in another round of the anit-biotics. He said he wanted to see me. He examined my legs (where the cellulitis is) real well and said my legs are still hot to the touch meaning the cellulitis is still there. He wrote me a script for another round of anti-biotics. I could tell he really felt bad for me..and it's so nice to have a doctor who really cares. I don't know if it's because we were neighbors when I felt well and now he sees the change in my abilitites, etc...or maybe he might just like me as a person:)

Right before I went to my doctor appointment I went to pick Tyler up from school. I get there early so I can be in the front of the line. Well, I kept falling asleep...now I know it's probably from the infection in my body but I just couldn't stay awake. I called and told Wayne and he called Katie who came right over and picked us both up. I have always said I won't drive with any of the grandkids in the car if I don't feel sharp enough to drive. I won't risk their lives. Tyler was so excited to see me and then when he saw his Mom in the car he couldn't figure out what was going on. We drove over to Starbucks and then she took me home for the hour before my doctor appt.

After the appointment I told Katie that I thought I could drive home. I got out of the car which was parked at the school and it was a sheet of ice. My first foot out of the car went sliding and I ended up flat on my face and halfway under Katie's car. It really shook me up for a while and I know it did her too. She came running out of the car to see if she could help me up.

Today (Thursday) is my Dad's surgery. He has kidney cancer and he will have one of his kidney's removed today. I felt so sorry for him yesterday because he couldn't have anything to eat all day Wednesday and then to top it off he had to drink that horrid stuff to make you go to the bathroom and have an enema too. What a horrible day it must have been for him and to have the antcipation of the surgery on top of it. I called him Wednesday night to let him know that I would be praying for him. He changed the subject and told me that the slippers I got him on Tuesday night fit him perfect. I was so glad I could do anything to make things a little more pleasant for him. He is determined he will be hom on Saturday even though the doctor said he'd be in for 5 days. He loves his home and is comfortable there ...I hope that if he still feels that way after the surgery that the doctor will listen to him.

I joined a new group at http://www.scrapbook.com I am setting up a page there and will put a link to it when I'm done with the page. There are just hundreds of scrapbookers on that site that you can talk to or make friends with that have the same passion for scrapbooking. I've enjoyed looking around the site. I think I could spend days there looking around.

2007-12-02T21:54:00.000-05:00

Below is Isabella's Christmas present this year. It is from Gymboree...one of my favorite kids stores. This outfit isn't a bit practical but I thought it was SO cute and I emailed it to her mother before I bought it and got her approval and she loved it too. At 8 months old I figure Bella won't need much in the line of toys this year because she won't know any difference. There is a long sleeved shirt underneath the sweater that has the word ballerina on it. The tights have ink lacing that look like they were the ballerina tights laced up. How cute! (in my opinion)

This is my lastest layout. It's been rather "messy" getting my layouts done the last couple of weeks because I'm rearranging my scrapbook room. I am purging everything I haven't been using and I think it will be easier to find things if I have less. I love this picture because when I first printed it I thought there was something wrong with it because of the big black speck on the bottom. Then I saw all 3 boys looking at the black speck and realized it was a bug and saw that Beca had no interest in the bug at all but all 3 boys sure did!

We have had a peaceful weekend. It's nice to have been married so many years that we now enjoy being quiet and doing nothing. It might be our age or maybe my illness that makes me a little less active. I really think it's the illness because before that I was active every minute of my day and fell into bed exhausted at night.

Friday afternoon Wayne and I both felt like we were getting the flu. I had a fever and chills and was nauseated and Wayne was achy all over and had diahrrea but we were supposed to watch Tyler for the night. I thought maybe he could stay with my parents and be all right but he called me around 5:30 and wondered when he could come over. I told him to give us an hour and we'd sleep and hopefully be feeling better. Well, I thought he had hung up the phone but he thought I had hung up on him. I would never do that no matter how sick I was. My MOm called about 40 minutes later and said he hadn't stopped crying so I told her I was on my way to get him. He gave me the biggest hug when I got there and I appologized to him and he seemed just fine then...he jumped in my car and we were off. I still felt sick when we got home and told him he could play games on the computer and there is a bed in that room and I would lay down and rest. He was fine with that. The amazing thing is that when I woke up I felt fine and felt much better the rest of the evening. He and the 7 webkins slept with Wayne and about crowded him out of the bed:)

2007-11-30T09:57:00.000-05:00

This is Alan, Kristi and Katie when they were younger. In case you don't know them...they are our (Wayne and me) children. It almost brings tears to my eyes to see this picture. It seems like yesterday that they were this age and yet it's been years. I loved being a mother...not that I'm not now but a mother to this age of child. In this picture they were in my parents barn waiting for a pony to be delieverd...what an exciting day that was!!

I was headed back to the computer with a hand full of fairly healthy pretzels and Wayne called and said I've got something for you if you'd come to the door. He had a little package of Krispy Kreme donut holes. There goes my healthy snack..ha ha!!Of course, I could choose the pretzels but not with the Krispy Kreme in my hand!

I sometimes feel so pathetic but last night was the design team meeting and I get so excited when there's a meeting. It's my chance to get out and be with other women with a similar interest and it sure does my psyche a world of good!

Tyler will be spending the night here tonight. His Mom & Dad have a wedding to attend in Indianapolis and it's a treat to be able to have him here for the night. He told us yesterday that his bed time is 7:30 but on the weekends he gets to stay up really late. We asked him how late that was and he said it's 8:00. I got so tickled by that. I was thinking maybe 11:00 or later...but I think I can make it to 8:00.

I'm going to try to get a different look on my blog and put some music on it. I don't know if I'll be successful with the music...if you dond't hear any it means I need to work on it a little longer:)

2007-11-25T21:03:00.000-05:00

For about 2, maybe 3 years we haven't put up a tree. It just seems like a huge ordeal. So, this year I bought a 3 foot tree to put on our little foyer table and decorated it in blue and silver. The lights don't look as blue as they really are but it's such a pretty little tree. I was able to use another function on my camera taking this picture. It's fun finding out new things on it all the time. I've only had a about a year now:)

Wayne and I had a nice day today just relaxing and not going anywhere. I tried to get my layout done that's due this week for the design team. It was using a tool that demonstrated it. I had it all planned on what I would do and what picture I would use. Well, it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. I asked Wayne if he would do it for me and he had a terrible time and couldn't do it either. So, I gave up my first idea and settled with a much simpler idea. I will post it when I finish the layout. I should get it done tomorrow some time.

Katie and Steve took her boys to cut down their Christmas tree today. Santa Claus was there and Katie said that their 3 year old, Caden, ran right up to Santa and sat on his lap. Katie was kind of embarrassed by his repsonse of what he wants. He said he wants p.j.'s and food.. How halarious!!

That's all for today...except to say that S unday night is my worst time of the week. Wayne's bbeen home all weekend and on Monday I know he will be starting another work week. I also know that tomorrow I will start another work week where I'll be home lonely again. At least this week will be a design team meeting!!

2007-11-24T11:17:00.000-05:00

He's 7!!!!!!!!

What a big deal it is to turn from 6 to 7. I remember how slowly time seemed to move when I was that age. So, even more so it's a big deal to have a birthday. It's sure been a fun 7 years getting to know and love and cherish this little boy. We are thankful for his little life and for the chance to live close to him and get to be a part of his life.

So, in your favorite color, Tyler

Happy Birthday and many many more!!!!!!!!!!

2007-11-23T20:59:00.000-05:00

After eating my fill of turkey, dressing and sweet potato casserole I always go "play" with the kids. It's fun to watch them play (and referee, if needed) and see what pretend game they are playing. Tonight it was Beca instructing everyone on how to exit in case of a fire...only thing is they all caught on pretend fire on the way out. Before all the fire games started though Caden ran to his Mom & Dad's desk and pulled out his Dad's guitar and started singing a made up song to me. I thought it was so sweet. You can see him singing in the picture.

Tyler had to show me his muscles yesterday and took the shirt off his arms so I could see how his muscles move when he flexes his arms. (so cute!!) Better watch out for that one in a dark alley:)

Our daughter and son-in-law had us over to their house for thanksgiving dinner. We all brought some dishes to help her out a little bit and everything was wonderful!! My Mom does the best turkey and does well keeping it nice and moist. Wayne and I made a salad and sweet potato casserole. It was so nice too that my brother and his wife and son made it here this year. She has been battling breast cancer and is doing much better this year than last.

For being in so much pain all the time I usually am able to stay pretty positive. But, the last 2 days have been difficult for me. I've been crying off and on all evening and don't quite know how to pull myself out of this! Wayne goes to bed so early that I"m here by myself all evening...that alone gets depressing. I would appreciate your prayers:)

2007-11-19T22:48:00.001-05:00

I just love these pictures of Bella. They are on her Mom's website trying to help sell the Coach headbands her Mom makes. The baby ought to sell hundreds of them alone:) Isn't she a little doll? She started crawling at 6 months and now at almost 7months she is crawling all over the house. The unusual thing is that her sister came here to the USA from Brazil at 9 months old. She crawled with one knee and the other leg was her foot kind of running along...make sense? Bella crawls just like her big sister did.

I spent the day reorganizing my scrapbook room today. It need it so badly. I just couldn't find anything I was looking for. What a job!! I all ready have a good start towards next years used items sale. I figure if I haven't used it since we moved here that I'n not gonna use it.

I am fighting depression tonight. I don't get this way often. I try to keep my spirits high with continuing to do activities I enjoy. Last night I went with Katie and helped her while the 2 boys got their picture taken. I couldn't believe that poor little Tyler got an upset stomach because he got so nervous about the picture. He ended up really enjoying himself and the pictures we saw this afternoon were wonderful!! I can't wait to get mine (and start scrapbooking:)

Wayne worked another long Monday. He left the house around 6:00 and got home around 6:00. I try not to let his long hours bother me but the lonliness sometimes is overwhelming:(
I don't know quite how to work through this or maybe I can't! Lonliness is lonliness. I usually have Tyler in the afternoons and today his Mom didn't work so I didn't need to pick him up.
Oh well, now I'm rambling.

2007-11-18T00:13:00.000-05:00

Wayne stayed home and didn't go to work yesterday. We had a 1:00 appointment and flu shots at 2:00.
After that I did a little Christmas shopping for the grandkids. Wayne couldn't believe that I could stay in WalMart for 2 hours. Well, men just don't understand how long it takes to look, think, put it in your cart, go back and take it out of your cart and then go and check out and wait in line. Anyway, I got a good start on the grandkids Christmas and that is the hardest part. I would like to save shipping if I can and buy it locally.

I've had a couple of unsettling things happen that I have to keep a positive attitude if at all possible. One day last week I drove to WalMart to do some grocery shopping. I was looking at the toys trying to get some ideas while I was there. I kept falling asleep and the toy I had in my had would fall to the floor. I was there by myself and knew I had no business being on the road when I'm like that. It's not fair to other people or to myself. I called Wayne and asked him what to do so he called his parents and they came and picked me up. One of them drove their car to my house and the other drove my car. He is close to 80 and she's a few years younger and it shouldn't be them helping me...I should be helping them. I DO appreciate their help though!

I have more to say but keep falling asleep:)
As usual, please overlook any typos:)

r

2007-11-14T10:47:00.000-05:00

Above is a layout I did for the design team. I am applying again to be on the team for the next year and they asked that we do a bio page this was SO hard for me to figure out and for me to do. I hate pictures of myself and I also don't like to talk about myself...but I did it:)

I've been having trouble sleeping. The night before last I took a sleeping pill and I sleep walked. Every time I sleep walk I end up in the kitchen trying to do some kind of cooking. Many times I've gotten out bread or poured some cereal and just left it there. So, even though I take a sleeping pill it is a very restless sleep. I didn't take a sleeping pill last night and slept all night in my chair at the computer. I think every time I think of getting in bed I realize that I might get muscle spasms so I wait and the last few nights I don't end up in bed at all which makes me really tired the next day. Such is the life...the fun life of someone with chronic back/feet pain.

2007-11-13T02:53:00.000-05:00

These pictures are Tyler with the webkinz. Someone had a great idea with these webkinz. They come with their own special number that you enter on their website. They come with their own room and enough money to decorate the room. There are lots of choices when it comes to decorations and clothes to dress the webkinz in. You play lots of different games, answer questions and take quizzes to earn more "kinzcash". You have to feed your pet and get it lots of rest. They can get sick and if they do you take them to the doctor. It's a whole world of its own. There is something about this that kind of sucks you in:) You see how many pets we have? I have trouble saying no when the grandkids ask for another pet...and they know how to press my buttons to get one too...like the pouting lip and the disapponted look:(

I got news today that Molly is home. That is good news!! From what I gather when they did her cath. of her heart they accidently punctured an artery. She started bleeding inside and no one figured it out until this young doctor came in her room at 3am and figured it out and applied pressure to that vein and got it to clot and stop bleeding. Molly, if you're reading this...I was really worried about you along with many others. So glad to hear you're home.

My Dad will be going in within the next few days to have his cancerous kidney removed. He will be in the hospital for 5 days. With the short stays anymore that's a long time. I hope and pray that this will take care of the problem and he will be here for many more years. He's an important part of our family...like the firm or strong foundation.

Wayne had an interview with Namco last night in Merrillville. He pretty much has his choice of where we could go. The one that sounded best to both of us is Indianapolis. He would be the regional director of Indianapolis, Terre, Haute and Louisville. He would be gone for 2 nights a week. They would pay for us to move to Indy. It's really a hard choice to make. If I would end up getting disability then we would be better off staying here. So, we have a big decision to make in the next few days.

2007-11-09T20:49:00.000-05:00

My latest layout!!

It's been a full week and I'm really tired tonight. That's quite unusual for me because I don't usually get tired till about 2:00 in the morning.

Take a look at Tyler's boots (the pirate) in my previous post. I made those for him. He was so excited about his boots until he saw them. He was totally disappointed with them. I know he was expecting real boots with a sole and he got these strange looking boots that would fit over his shoes. By the time he put them on he saw the look and loved them. That's when a grandma is proud of her work and the 6-8 hours spent making them is worth it!
We have been We've been watching "The Great American Band" because there's a young man on there that we knew from our church. It is especially fun because he came with me to one of my concerts when I was singing and I had him sing a song by himself. He loved it and was a natural. I think he was like a Sophomore in high school at the time he came. He went to a music school in Nashville (I forget the name right now) and started his own band and they are AWESOME. Their name is Denver and the Mile High Orchestra. I hope they continue to do well!!

Every once in a while I hear about someone who thinks they have been healed. They give God the glory claiming him to have have heard prayers on their behalf and to have intervened in their life and healed them. That always brings questions to me ...The first one, of course is why haven't I been healed? I've had prayers on my behalf for years. Along with myself are people like my doctor's first wife, Jane who had 2 young children and another young man with 4 children who has MS, and is unable to function and take care of himself. If anyone was to be healed, it would them and yet Jane passed away and Mike continues to suffer the effects of MS..being no more than a vegetable unable to even communicate with anyone.

I'll step down off my soapbox:) This last week I picked up Tyler from school on Tuesday. It was a really cold day and we were getting some occasional snowflakes coming down. I needed to go to the scrapbook store for a couple items and surprisingly enough he waned to go too. He had an agenda and that was to check out the children's design team that they will be having for children soon. While we were there he was playing in the children's play area when he heard a customer come in and say it's snowing outside. He came over by me and was SO excited. He said...Can I go outside and see if there's enough snow to make a snowball? I told him to stay on the sidewalk and it would be fine. The funny and cute part about it is that it was only spitting snow and with a chilld'a innocence he really thought he thought he could make that snowball!

My cousin Molly who is just in her early 30's went to Northwestern Hospital in Chicago for a heart catheritiztion. (sp?) I found out today that it didn't go well. She started bleeding and they couldn't get it stopped. That was yesterday and she is now in intensive care and has had several blood transfusions. Please pray with me for her to be all right. I guess they found out that it's not her heart that causing trouble but her lung. I don't know if that's good news or bad news...let's hope it's good!!

Forgive any typos today...I've fallen asleep while typing this about 10 times:) Guess it's time to go to to bed.

Sleep well!!!

2007-11-07T02:58:00.000-05:00

Happy Halloween!! (and Beca's birthday...I'm 9!)

Each day has it's own challenge. Living life itself brings an adventure of its own and it seems we don't get to pick our challenges. I wish we did cause they'd sure be different than the challenges I've to work with. I get so frustrated with dealing with pain every day...grrr:) When I pictured my life at this stage of life I thought I'd be this "hip" grandma that was active and my grandkids and I would have all kinds of fun adventures. Well, we have adventures but they're of a different nature than what I pictured. Nothing can compare with picking Tyler up from school and seeing the glow in his eyes when he sees that I'm there to pick him up. He always runs to me with a great big hug.

We got the bad news this week that my Dad has kidney cancer. Things look positive so far that it's just contained in the one kidney. He's doing lots of tests this week to try to see just what he's dealing with for sure. He will have surgery soon to have the kidney removed. He may also have to have chemotherapy. Time and tests will tell. We would appreciate your prayers for him.

It's currently 3:10 and I woke up with muscle spasms in my my low back. There's no way I can go back to sleep until the spasms let up. It should be anytime now because I took the muscle relaxer about a half hour ago.

2007-10-26T08:26:00.000-04:00

Beca was here a week or so ago and stood looking at my "photo table". It's a long kind of skinny table that's only purpose is to keep the grandkids pictures on. She thought hers was really out of date and I agreed with her. We both decided to go out in the back yard..natural light and do a photo shoot. These pictures were the result. She's such a natural in front of the camera.

Wayne and I have both been so sick this week with what I'd call either the flu or a bad cold. It really got us both down. We ended up getting antibiotics 2 days ago and are starting to feel just a little bit better. I still ran a fever all day yesterday and he hasn't been to work since Monday when he put in 14 1/2 hours and came home sick and exhausted. But, what a blessing that he did that and we got the money banked and he could just be sick and sleep and take it easy the rest of this week. I have alwasys said that it's a treat when you're sick to be able to just BE sick and not have to go to work or take care of little kids...which I did for many years and I'm sure many others can identify with that. He talked about going to Angola today but we'll see. It's unusual that he's not up at 7:30 am so he's probably feeling a little "punk" as he calls it yet.

Katie called me Sunday afternoon and asked me if I had any ideas for Tyler's party at school. I said..yes, I do. When I was at the design team crop Friday night I saw several of the ladies using a new die cutting machine and making the cutest little bags to take treats in for the "Fall Parties" (which used to be able to be Halloween parties). I had an hour before the scrapbook store closed and ran over there right away and we were able to get just the right amount of bags made with the last of the Halloween paper I liked so well. She went home and put in the fake ugly teeth, a small yoyo, a sucker and some other candy. That morning when she took a shower Caden had a hayday with the bags. He opened all the suckers (that's 25 of them) and ate the M&M's out of about 6 of the bags. I called her yesterday to tell her that I was sorry I didn't make Caden a bag but that paper I used was that last of the paper. She said...don't worry, he's had his fun with the bags:)

I woke up with muscle spasms in my low back again this morning. They're not nearly as bad as a week ago and I took a muscle relaxer right away. My Aunt that lives in CA said she talked to her physical therapist about my muscle spasms and she suggested getting magnets to place under that area when I sleep. I have heard of that helping pain years ago and think I'll check into it. She had a couple of other suggestions but the magnet ideas seemed like the easiest way to begin. I need to find something to help because I hate waking up with these spasms:(

2007-10-23T12:53:00.000-04:00

Last Friday night the design team got together at the scrapbook store and we all cropped together. I had a really good time and this picture was my only accomplishment. I have noticed that I'm a little slower than many of the ladies but I'm sure it's all the meds and the pain that slow me down because my nature has always been to be the fastest at everything I do. Thanks to Jennifer for helping me with this layout...I love it!!

I paid for all the fun Friday night because I woke up with horrific muscle spasms in my low back Saturday morning. It took an hour for the muscle relaxers to work and I can't begin to tell you how horrible that pain is. It seems I always have to pain for my fun:(

Today is Wayne's birthday. I totally forgot when I got up until I got on my computer and saw the date so I called him right away and sang to him. He is so carefree about what should happen on his birthday compared with me..his wife..who thinks I'm princess of the day:) and milk it for all it's worth. I guess that's one of the things I really love about him...his selflessness. He's been a good example through the years to watch and learn from.

I am also frustrated this morning. I have been fighting a cold and heaping that on everything else I just feel worthless. I have several pages to get done for the design team and a huge I mean HUGE pile of laundry to fold and put away. Wayne does the laundry and piles it all on the chair in the bedroom. My whole house is a mess and I really like it orderly. I need to unload the dishwasher and here I sit...not wanting to do a blessed thing. It's all ready ONE O'CLOCK!!! I will give myself a little bit...maybe another hour and then try to do one thing at a time.

I have myself pictured in my head as the person I was before all the health issues....and the weight gain. I'm trying to take a picture for the bio page I need to make for the new design team and every one I take I look so fat and sick and unlike the person I feel like inside. It just emphasizes all the changes I don't want to accept. I read email from family and friends and it seems like everyone's life gets to move on except for mine. I am stuck in this horrible pain and I look like crap and feel even worse. Sounds like a great bio, doesn't it? My house used to be so clean and neat and now I haven't been able to clean it for about 8 months or more. I clean the bathrooms and Wayne cleans the kitchen floor and sweeps and that's all that gets done. I guess men don't see dust but I do and when I try to dust the pain just gets too out of control...so I am stuck with a dusty and what seems to me a dirty house. I would love to go back to the house we had to sell because of medical expenses and have it clean like it used to be with everything in its place. That's really who I am:)

I went to the dentist yesterday because I lost a big hunk out of my tooth eating a pretzel. I almost had a panic attack when he was telling me what he's going to have to do and showing me the x-ray and seeing all the decay. The tooth that I lost the hunk out of has decay down to the bone and he is afraid he will have to cut out some of the bone. The one next to that has decay..the one next to that has decay under the crown and the last one has decay and needs a crown. So, his plan to save money and make it easier on me is to pull the tooth with the hunk missing out of it and make a bridge between all these teeth with a mere cost of....$3600. The only good thing is that I can be sedated while he does this...otherwise he wouldn't like how uptight I get when I have my teeth worked on. I saw a little girl in the dentist chair having her teeth worked on when I was walking out and she was doing so well. I had to tell myself I used to be that little girl but a lot has happened since then making me the person I am today.

2007-10-15T06:17:00.000-04:00

That little house may look simple to make but believe me it's one of the hardest projects I've had to do for the Design Team. Wayne helped me and it took us all weekend to complete. Wayne's comment when we were done was...if we ever have to do another one we're hiring a contractor. I thought that was pretty funny!

Other than working on that nothing else is new. I thought in the middle of the night that I was catcing cold but after sleeping several hours and takin osme medicine I feel a little bit better. I hope it was just exhaustion from no sleep for 2 night. (Friday and Saturday) I think I was so worried about getting that houwse done that I was too woried to sleep.

2007-10-10T07:50:00.000-04:00

Kaleb was so interested in the dandelions in our yard...and he had quite a few to choose from...so I had to make it a photo opportunity. Is it just me...his grandma? or is he absolutely adorable?

Tyler is so excited and proud to have a loose tooth. He even wanted me to take a picure of his loose tooth and usually he shuns the camera.

I haven't posted for a couple of days because I have been too sick. It was a lucky circumstance that helped me to figure out what was wrong. I was so sick to my stomach and had a headache for 2 days. I thought maybe it was related to the pump...but...Wayne had to leave really early yesterday to service our machines in the Toledo, Ohio area. He didn't want to wake me up to wrap my feet and legs but I had wishedhe had because I was in so much pain. So, I called the physical therapist and asked if she could just wrap my legs and she worked me in. As soon as she saw my legs she just stared at the for a while and then told me I had cellulitis again. She told me to call the doctor right away and get some antibiotics. I did just that as soon as I got in the car. I have now taken 3 pills and feel better all ready. The nausea is gone and I am feeling a little more energy all ready. Why did I get it again? Who knows but I'm sure glad to figure ou what was wrong.

2007-10-05T00:40:00.000-04:00

I had an interesting day today. I didn't sleep well last night and fell asleep watching TV in the recliner. That made me wake up with th muscle spasms. The reason I didn't sleep well is that on our way home from my psychological testing I saw a Panera's. We hadn't eaten there for ages so Wayne was a good sport and stopped there so I could get some carryouts. We split the new chicen condora (or something close to that) tasted really good. It was a little rich but I still liked it. Well, it must have been richer than I thought because I burped about every 60 seconds all night long. I tried tums and they didn't help, tried Gas-X chewable and they didn't help. When I woke up, Wayne told me to take kaopectate and I couldn't believe it but it helped!

I went with Katie to run errands and had a great time even though we ran out of gas. We were right in the middle of an intersection when the car stopped but lucky that we were right in front of a gas station. I took charge of Caden and we went into the gas station and I got hom some Cheetos and by the time we paid for them the car truck was at the pump filling up!

That's my biggest excitement for the day. I was thankful when we had to walk to the gas station that I was having a good day since I had to walk to the gas station. It may not seem like a big deal to the normal picture but when I have to walk any little distance I panic knowing how painful it will be:)

2007-10-03T23:35:00.000-04:00

This is a picture of a brain and my brain got a real workout today. I had no idea what I was getting into when I went for my neuro-psyche test. It took 3 hours!! It was interesting and it was difficult. I had to do things like math in my head which got harder and harder. He also read 10 words that were not at all connected and throughout the test I would have to repeat as many words as possible. I had to know what is in the current news and past history. I had to draw and had to remember tje drawings and repeat them again and again. That's just a general idea of what I had to do. It will be interesting when he calls my neurologist and tells him the interpretation of the test. I see the neurologist on Monday!

Tyler told this big story to my Mom and me on Monday when I picked him up from school. He said he and his friend Cam (I think that's the name) were both getting groups of very big boys together in two groups. They would each be in charge of their own team (or is it gang:) and they were gonna FIGHT!!!!
Rhebeca was in the car when he was telling this story and we all tried to tell him different ways to work out their differences but after each idea he said...nope, we're gonna fight. It was a real "boy" moment. Well, I think today was the day for the big fight so I called his Mom to see if he was still alive (...ha ha!!) and ask how the fight went. She said the fight didn't go down because they found a bull frog and played with that during recess. I laughed so hard.
Those tough little gangsters all liked playing with a frog instead of fighting. I just love this age. They are just precious.

2007-10-03T00:38:00.000-04:00

Brrrr! It's cold in here!! Poor Wayne has to live with a cold house and sometimes he feels it...like tonight. He came home from work exhausted and feeling a little sick and I came home from the grocery store very overheated and in much pain. So, by the time I carried in the groceries and fixed some supper I was dripping with sweat and turned the temp down to 66. Wayne knows my saying is that he can bundle up an get warm but I have no way to get cool. I really feel bad when he gets cold like that but if I turned up the heat for him I would just be miserable.

I had a little more pain than I like to have today. Back pain and foot pain. My feet were worse today than they've been for a LONG time. I'm on that new medicine and it didnt help today. I hope tomorrow's better. Tomorrow I have a neuro-psyche test that the neurologist ordered. I can't imagine what the test will be like...I'll post here tomorrow what the test was like.

Becky