I went to the pain doctor today and he spent a lot of time with me going over the MRI of my neck. I have put an arrow by the disc that is herniated....as you can see it is indenting the spinal cord. The doctor showed me exactly where the herniation is and also told me it is a pretty large herniation. There are 2 choices of what I can do. I can have an injection or see the surgeon and have surgery to remove the herniated part of the disc...I'm not sure how it's spelled but it's called a discectomy. I would not need a 3rd neck fusion because this would cause even more stress on the neck. This last herniation is most likely because the 3 levels below it are fused and it put too much stress on this level that 5 years ago was fine.

I sure don't want another surgery so I'm going to try the injections and hope that they help with the pain a little bit. Dr. Grove said that a lot of times the injection will reduce the swelling the neck just enough to reduce the pain. Let's hope that works for me. I am scheduled for a pump refill a week from tomorrow and he will do an injection that day also. I've never had one in my neck and I'm a little nervous. I asked to be sedated and that always helps with the nerves.

He also told me to start taking Lyrica for the neuropathy in my feet since the Pamelor is making me so tired. He has talked to the company that makes Lyrica and he called it a purer drug than many of the drugs used for the same reason. One of the number one reasons for use is peripheral neuropathy which is what I have. I can't wait to try it and start having a little more energy. I started Pamelor just before Christmas and all I've wanted to do since then is sleep.

The herniation in my neck is from the fusion I had in my neck 5 years ago. It is called a "domino effect". It simply means that the fusion has put stress on the other discs in my neck causing two more levels to herniate. The level right above the one that is newly herniated is beginning to go bad too.

I go to a lot of forums and see what other people with similar problems are saying. I read so many times that people go to the doctor's office with back or neck pain and the doctor can't find anything to cause the pain. I know it's frustrating to these people but I would love just one time to hear them say that...I can't find anything wrong.

Tyler was with us all afternoon. We picked him up from school and he was excited about going with us. I gave him the choice of whether to go in to the doctor's office with me or stay in the van with Grandpa Wayne. He wanted to stay with Wayne. I had bought him some things to do at WalMart on the way out of town so they kept him pretty well occupied. I don't think Wayne is used to so much talking though...I'm usually pretty quiet and so tonight he's hibernating by himself and said he doesn't care to do too much talking tonight. I read part of the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (or is it the other way around?) Anyway, what Wayne is doing tonight is what the book calls men going into their caves. And, Wayne needs a lot of cave time:) We have both had so much stress with health and what bad health does to our finances that we can't handle a lot of "anything". I sure hope that gets better for both of us in time.
I'm enjoying the quiet tonight too! Tyler couldn't have been any better. He was so good all afternoon! He is such a cute little boy and comes up with such funny things.

Tyler at his 4th birthday
I always take the kids picture at
their birthday and have them hold
up the amount of fingers as how
old they are.





















Grandpa Wayne and
Grandma Becky with Kael




















Grandma Becky with her namesake
Rhebeca
I love having a Granddaughter with the
same name as mine. It's kind of strange
sometimes to hear another person being
called Rhebeca Stockman. It took
Rhebeca a long time to believe me when
I told her my actual name is Rebecca and
my nickname is Becky.



Rhebeca and Santa
December 2001



Kael's 2nd birthday
Kael and Rhebeca came over to
our house to celebrate their
birthdays together since they
are only 6 days apart. They
each got their own cake to eat
and Kael thoroughly enjoyed his
cake!



Kaleb Richard at 2 Days
Kaleb was born in August of 2005.
I (Becky) was able to be present in
the room the night he was born.
What a thrill it was to see this baby
come into the world.




I hope you enjoy seeing some of my scrapbook pages. Anyone that is a scrapbooker is welcome to "scraplift" anything you see. Scrapbooking has been a very healing hobby for me. There has been very little I have felt like doing the past few years but scrapbooking has been something I can do and use my creativity. I used to use it with showing horses and then with singing and when I had to give those things up because of my health this took over. Wayne likes it better than horses...a lot cheaper!!

I took Rhebeca and Tyler to see the movie Hookwinked today or by now it's yesterday. Rhebeca had seen it yesterday but wanted to go again this afternoon. That was great...I hadn't taken her anywhere for a long time!! I had to have a little talk with Tyler on the way there about the bathroom situation. I don't think it's safe for him to go by himself into the men's bathroom so I told him he would have to go in the women's with me. He put up a little fuss and kept repeating the phrase...but boys go in the mens and girls go in thw womens. I finally told him that when he was with Grandma Becky that boys go in the womens with their grandmas. And, he finally let it go and was fine about it after that.

Tyler sat on the edge of his seat the whole movie. Rhebeca sat by me and kept telling me what was going to happen next. She enjoyed seeing it again though. Especially with all the junk food. She and I got a #1 deal with popcorn and pop. Tyler wanted a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and fruit juice. When we got in the theater and picked out our seats (which wasn't an easy task), Tyler noticed that the people behind us had cotton candy. He wanted to know if he could ask them for a bite. I said no you can't but I will get you your own. They both went with me back to the concession stand and couldn't agree on a cotton candy color. Beca wanted pink and Tyler wanted his favorite color....green. So, I got them each their own..$7 worth of cotton candy...WOW!! We all enjoyed eating it though. I hadn't had any for years and I still like it as well as I did as a child.

I have tried all week to not let the MRI results bother me. But today it finally got to me and I have felt weepy about it all day. I want to get the crying out of my system before I see the doctor on Monday. I really don't want to break down in his office when he tells me what he thinks I should do about the herniated disc and the stenosis. I think I'm feeling bad because I know the options...fusion or continued pain. And, I don't want either one. I will hold out for the small hope of a new procedure I don't know about yet.

I have enjoyed watching the cooking channel the past 2 weeks. I have wanted to try so many of the things I see. I have really learned a lot!! My grocery bill has gone up too. The only problem is I can't stand more than 5 mintues and that's even stretching it before the pain becomes unbearable. I usually end up my cooking sessions in tears and Wayne has to finish up and do all the dishes. I talked to another lady tonight that lives in Arizona who got her pump a year before I got mine. She said she still has problems with standing. I guess I will just have to find new ways to do things. I try to sit as much as possible but it's hard to do that and get everything done I need to do. Pain really seems to affect about every area of my life...never knew a simple task could become so difficult.

I feel bad that I left out two of the grandkids pictures in the scrapbook pages tonight but I kinda lost my time on the scanner because I was working when Wayne was ready to go to sleep and I was afraid the scanner would wake him up. So, I'll post pictures of Caden and Jacob tomorrow so no one is left out!

I was supposed to go to the pain management doctor today but had to reschedule it for Monday. I felt kind of stomach fluish. I don't know if maybe it's because I took my morphine about 8 hours later than I usually do because it felt more like withdrawals than the flu.

I did talk to the nurse and she read me the MRI of my neck. It's not real good news. I have C5-6-7 fused with a metal plate. It puts a lot of pressure on the levels above and below. Well C4-5 is causing the problem...the level right above the fusion. It sounds like it is herniated and there is also stenosis there. I couldn't tell how bad the herniation is but I suspect it is bad enough to cause the problems I had with therapy. He also told the nurse that I am to discontinue all therapy. Good! That's what I was hoping since it was making me worse.

I didn't do anything today...I just felt too sick. But, yesterday Tyler came over. Katie was telling me that Rhebeca told Tyler that when he grows up he will have to leave his Mom & Dad and live far away from them. This is really upsetting to Tyler. He wanted to talk about it and I tried to explain to him that when that time comes he will feel differently. His Mommy never wanted to leave us and when she met his Daddy she wanted to get married. All of a sudden he just burst into tears and sobbed the longest time. I hugged him and told him not to worry about it...he can live with his Mommy and Daddy as long as he wanted to. Then I tried to redirect him and refocus his mind. It was so sweet to see the innocent love for his parents...knowing well that he'll go through a period like most teens do that he'll think they don't know a thing:) But the good thing I also know is that they all come back around to think we're all right and now I get to talk to all 3 of our kids on almost a daily basis.

This is Tyler, Katie's oldest boy who was 5 in November. I picked him up from nursery school today and he spent the afternoon with me.

For lunch he wanted peanut butter and jelly (no crust) and milk. I asked him on the way home if he'd like a banana cut up and I could sprinkle colored sugar on it. He said no, Becky ( he calls me Becky). He told me he didn't want the sugar srinkled on it because sugar is bubbly fat. I said..where'd you hear that and he wouldn't tell me till later in the day. He finally told me he heard it on "Spongebob". After he said that, I could see or imagine Spongebob saying that.

It was a pretty uneventful day. My pain was rather on the low side as long as I didn't do much. I was tired from not getting to sleep till about 4:00AM. I tried a couple of times taking a nap in the same room Tyler was in but he felt the need to do a lot of talking today. That was fine since he's so cute!

I canceled therapy until I talk to the pain doctor. I could tell the therapist didn't like that too well but I will feel better talking to the doctor before I go back to therapy.

The title of my blog includes scrapbooking and I haven't added anything about scrapbooking yet so tonight I thought I would post 5 of the layouts I have done. Top picture is Jacob, Kristi's little boy. He was born September 20, 2004. Next picture is Katie's little boy. He was born November 21, 2000. The next two pictures are both Kristi's little boy on the day of his birth. And, the last pictures are Wayne's grandparents...his mother's parents, Fred and Letha Randt.

The only reason I have so many more layouts of Jacob here and not anyone else is that most of the time I send Kristi a copy of anything I scrapbook about Jacob so those layouts are downloaded onto the computer. The others are close by and I don't have to email the layouts...I can just show them to whoever wants to see after I make them.

Rhebeca came over today. She is SO active. I can't believe all the things we did today. She loves to have someone play with her. I wasn't having a great day today so I had a hard time keeping up with her. She got here at 1:00 and we hadn't had lunch yet and I hadn't made it yet. I had to try to think of something quick to make so she wouldn't have to wait around. I decided to make Corn Chowder. I let her do most of the cooking...at least what she could do. She couldn't get things chopped quite small enough but I let her start doing the chopping. Well, when it was done I asked her if she wanted to taste it. She did...in a tiny little ramiken. She loved the soup...probably because she helped make it and even though she'd just been to Christos buffet for lunch she also ate a big bowl of corn chowder after her "little taste".

Then, she wanted to paint. I got all the paint, markers, colored pencils, etc. out and she painted several pictures. Then she wanted to play restaurant so I ordered some things that she could get and she loved that and I wrote her a "pretend" check for my food. She wanted to know if she took it to the bank, if they would cash it. I explained to her that it didn't have any account numbers on it. Then (reminding me of her Dad) she asked me to write my account numbers on it. I quickly changed the subject:) After that she wanted to play jewelry store. She loves that one. She uses my jewelry and I'm the customer that comes in to buy the jewelry. I also had to be the cash register repainperson and the decorator that was going to redecorate her store. Then we played Trading Spaces in the basement...we tried to rearrange a few things. Then she put on the pajamas I keep here for her...afterall, I hadn't gotten dressed yet either:) Then she painted again. It seems like I left a few of our activities out but that's how busy we were for 3 1/2 hours. I really enjoyed every minute of her though. She is a wonderful, sweet little girl!

She brought her class picture from school and her report card. She didn't have one negative thing on her report card. What a wonderful student and bright girl.

Pain was bearable today and I'm always thankful for days like that.

It's very hard to describe to someone what it is like to have chronic pain. I thought this letter written by Ben Oberlin decribed pretty well what I have gone through for about 8 years. It isn't meant to be critical of any of my friends of family because everyone has tried so hard to help me. My family, especially, has been wonderful for me. So, here is the letter:

Letter to Normals from a Person With Chronic Pain

Having chronic pain means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand even a little about chronic pain and its effects, and of those that think they know, many are actually misinformed.

In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand: These are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me.Please understand that being sick doesn't mean I'm not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably don't seem like much fun to be with, but I'm still me, stuck inside this body. I still worry about work, my family, my friends, and most of the time, I'd still like to hear you talk about yours, too. Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been sick for years. I can't be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So, if you're talking to me and I sound happy, it means I'm happy. that's all. It doesn't mean that I'm not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I'm getting better, or any of those things. Please don't say, "Oh, you're sounding better!" or "But you look so healthy!" I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. If you want to comment on that, you're welcome.

Please understand that being able to stand up for ten minutes doesn't necessarily mean that I can stand up for twenty minutes, or an hour. Just because I managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesn't mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you're either paralyzed, or you can move. With this one, it gets more confusing everyday. It can be like a yo-yo. I never know from day to day, how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain. Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, "sitting", "walking", "thinking", "concentrating", "being sociable" and so on, it applies to everything. That's what chronic pain does to you.Please understand that chronic pain is variable. It's quite possible (for many, it's common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I'll have trouble getting to the next room. Please don't attack me when I'm ill by saying, "But you did it before!" or "Oh, come on, I know you can do this!" If you want me to do something, then ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally. If you are able, please try to always remember how very lucky you are, to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do.

Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don't know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time. Telling me that I need to exercise, or do some things to "get my mind off of it", may frustrate me to tears, and is not correct. if I was capable of doing some things any or all of the time, don't you know that I would? I am working with my doctors and I am doing what I am supposed to do. Another statement that hurts is, "You just need to push yourself more, try harder". Obviously, chronic pain can deal with the whole body, or be localized to specific areas. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more damage and physical pain than you could ever imagine. Not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. You can't always read it on my face or in my body language.

Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldn't

you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months or years?), but it is not created by depression.

Please understand that if I say I have to sit down, lie down, stay in bed, or take these pills now, that probably means that I do have to do it right now, it can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm somewhere, or I'm right in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.

If you want to suggest a cure to me, please don't. It's not because I don't appreciate the thought, and it's not because I don't want to get well. Lord knows that isn't true. In all likelihood, if you've heard of it or tried it, so have I. In some cases, I have been made sicker, not better. This can involve side effects or allergic reactions, as is the case with herbal remedies. It also includes failure, which in and of itself can make me feel even lower. If there were something that cured, or even helped people with my form of chronic pain, then we'd know about it. There is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with chronic pain. If something worked, we would KNOW. It's definitely not for lack of trying.

If, after reading this, you still feel the need to suggest a cure, then so be it. I may take what you said and discuss it with my doctor.

If I seem touchy, it's probably because I am. It's not how I try to be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you will try to understand. I have been, and am still, going through a lot. Chronic pain is hard for you to understand unless you have had it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating. Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to cope with this, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot literally understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as is possible, I am asking you to try to be understanding in general.

In many ways I depend on you, people who are not sick. I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out. Sometimes I need you help me with the shopping, the cooking or the cleaning. I may need you to take me to the doctor, or to the store. You are my link to the "normalcy" of life. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of life that I miss and fully intend to undertake again, just as soon as I am able. I know that I asked a lot from you, and I do thank you for listening. It really does mean a lot.

Understanding is the key that works for me!

Adapted from a work by Bek Oberin

Chronic pain is the pits!! I get so sick of dealing with this all the time. I went to physical therapy for my neck again today and came home with a headache, nausea and pain down my arm that I haven't had since prefusion in May 2000. Now, I can't believe this is what is supposed to be happening.

I also started the heart medicine today and had a horrific headache by noon so ripped off the patch. I am dealing with enough without having one more thing to deal with. I still don't think the problem is my heart anyway. Mostly because the Mylanta took away the pain when I had the attack. The doctor just wanted me to take this med to be on the safe side till I see the cardiologist anyway.

Tyler spent a few hours here today. I had made oatmeal pancakes and bacon for lunch and thought he would enjoy some pancakes but I can never get him to eat when he's here...he has too many things to do. Of course, when his Mom picked him up he started saying how hungry he was and I couldn't fix him anything because I had to leave for therapy.

That's my wonderful day. I'm looking forward to the weekend and having Wayne here for the weekend:)

I canceled the therapy in the pool this afternoon and went to my general practitioner about the chest pains. He said I should have called an ambulance when I had the problem last week and next time it happens get myself right to the ER. I guess I didn't want to scare Tyler by calling an ambulance although if he stayed with me he might have liked it. I also didn't want my ice cream to melt..after all, what's more important?

My doctor prescribed nitroglycerin patches for me to wear and also told me to take a baby aspirin every day. Then he is sending me back to my cardiologist. She will probably do a stress test and then we'll see what happens!

Not much else happening. Doctor appointments, physical therapy and pain...that's my life:)

If anyone wants to come up with a new invention, I have a suggestion for you. Someone needs to make those tables you lay on for a MRI a LOT softer. It's like laying on a hard board. So, do I need to say more? I had a hard time with my back during the MRI today. They gave me 10mg valium to begin with. It did help to settle me down. But, as soon as I layed down on the table I told them I'm never going to make it through this without some pain medicine. The nurse had to come in the room 3 times in a row to give me the medicine through my IV. It was obvious I was in pain because my blood pressure kept going up and up. Finallly after the 3rd dose of dilaudid I felt like I could make it or else was too drowsy to care. It only took about 20 minutes and it was over.

Then I had to go upstairs to the pain clinic to see if the MRI stopped my pump. Lorraine is the nurse I have seen most at the pain clinic and she saw me walk in and told me to have a seat. She checked the pump and everything was just fine...the MRI did NOT STOP THE PUMP!!!!

I finally got groceries on the way home but I sweat like crazy from all the pain meds they gave me. The good thing about the medicine they gave me is I made it through the store, the ride home and putting away the groceries without much pain. That was really nice!!

Kristi took Jacob to the pediatric orthepedic doctor this morning because they believe he has Blounts Disease. The good news is she just wants to watch it for 4 months and then if there is any change for the worst, he will have to have braces. He would not like that but I'm sure, knowing Jacob, it wouldn't slow him down much at all. I love that spirit of his...maybe because he reminds me so much of his Mom.

I kind of took it easy all day today. I needed to get groceries but wanted to save my energy for therapy this afternoon. I've eaten toast for every meal for 2 days now. I went to physical therapy at 3:00 this afternoon to have them work on my neck. I went backLaFree Physical Therapy. He's a good therapist and uses sense in knowing how hard to push a patient. He took a lot of history and gave me two exercises. I tried each one once and started getting a headache. He told me he doesn't want to push me too hard or I will get headaches. I told him I all ready had one and he used ultrasound and heat. It helped keep the headache from "exploding". I hope I can do these exercises at home without a flareup.

While I had the heat on my neck I asked him about his cousin, Debbie. Debbie used to cut my hair for about 2-3 years and then married a Japanese man and moved to Chicago. I have wondered how she is doing and if she's still in Chicago. He said he saw her last year under kind of morbid circumstances. Her brother was killed after drinking and driving and wrapping his car around a tree. He said he enjoyed talking to all his cousins even with the bad situation. There were six in her family and eight in his family. They are all very successful people. I was so glad to hear the Debbie is still doing well and still married. She was really popular with Katie and all her friends when she was in high school. She would do all their prom updos and cut their hair. She was/is a real character but it made her all the more likable. Before going into cosmetology she drove a backhoe for her Dad's excavation business.

I came home after that and was just exhausted. I couldn't believe that wore me out. I'm still working on getting my stamina built up.

I need to stay up till midnight tonight and get up at five in the morning. I am having a MRI on my neck tomorrow and they want me tired so the sedation will work better. I have 57 minutes to go till midnight so I think I'll make it and Wayne will wake me up at five!

All together we have 5 grandsons and 1 granddaughter. Pictured here is the grandson that lives the furthest from us at his first birthday party This little guy lives in Memphis with our daughter, Kristi and her husband Eric. This is Jacob and he turned one in September. He gets to visit us about 6 times a year and I'm grateful but would love to see him more often. He is probably the most active of all the grandchildren. He's a climber and a very bright little boy that needs to investigate almost everything he sees.

Well, I finally did it..I'm number one in the nation for playing "Drop Heads" from nickarcade.com. I started playing these games with Tyler and got hooked on them myself! I have played this game till my eyes were watery from the concentration. Now maybe I can get something else done.

I had to cancel physical therapy today because of increased pain. I am still suffering from overdoing it in the pool on Tuesday. When this happens it can sometimes take several weeks for my back to settle down. I hope it's not the case this time. Hopefully the pump will help shorten the time span.

Tyler spent the afternoon with me today. We really have a good time together. I took him to WalMart to get some groceries and he talked me into a toy and a game too:) I'm a softie when it comes to these grandkids! I have been taking a LOT of motrin because of the increased pain this week and when we were leaving WalMart I started to get terrible chest pains. I was pretty sure it wasn't my heart because I've gone to the ER a couple times and it's been a hiatal hernia. I knew I couldn't drive yet so I gave Tyler some quarters to play the arcade games while I sat on the bench in the vestibule. I was feeling sick enough that I almost called an ambulance. What shocked me the most though is I was sitting there in obvious pain. The pain made me sweat something terrible and I know I was pale as could be and kept telling Tyler how sick I was feeling. Not one person asked me if I was all right or if I needed help. Not even the 2 employees right there in the vestibule. I think I could have died sitting right there in the store without anyone offering to help. It was a disappointing lesson in the lack of concern of people in this country.

But it did cause something really funny to happen. Tyler was opening his toy on the way home and got a paper cut...or really a cardboard cut. He started complaining how much it hurt and I told him we'd take care of it when we got home. I said I felt too sick to talk right now. He must not have liked that and told me he was sure that what he had hurt a lot more than what I had. He said it several times and as sick as I was I still chuckled over that! Thank goodness I had called Wayne and he met me at home and took care of Tyler's injured finger while I drank some mylanta and layed down for a while. He even stayed and played the new game with Tyler till I felt better....what a great guy!!! I think he's a keeper:)

I am a little disappointed in the pump increase today. I was hoping to have the pain let up almost completely and it hasn't. It was a substantial increase too! It is discouraging. I wanted to cook supper tonight but the pain was too bad. The only other thing it could be is from exercising in the therapy pool. I think I might have overdone it. I pushed beyond my "backs" capability.

I got to watch Caden this morning. He is so cute and at 18 months he is trying so hard to communicate. I think the cutest thing he did this morning was to sit on the little chair just his size with a box of kleenex and pulled out one kleenex after another blowing his nose but his way of blowing his nose is making the noise with his mouth. He also enjoyed my electronic piano. He sat on the bench and played the piano so nice and danced to the music he made. I have added a picture of Caden blowing his nose at the top of this post.

I got the refill on the pump today. It is amazing what a small amount of medicine goes into the pump. It sure has helped. While I am not pain free, I sure am a little bit better. The doctor increased me from 3 mgs. a day to 4.5 mgs. a day. Hopefully that will make a big difference w/o making me too sleepy. Each mg. that goes through the pump into the intrathecal spinal space is about the same as taking 300 mgs. of morphine per miligram of medicine in the pump. So, I am now at a level of 1250 mgs. a day. That's a lot of morphine!!

Instead of doing an injection on my neck right away, he is doing a MRI next week and starting me with physical therapy. The therapy in the pool is going quite well. I go to a therapy pool and it is kept at about 95 degrees and feels so good when I get in. I am able to walk in the pool for about 25-30 minutes. That is sure better than the no excercise I got for about 5 years. The MRI can stop the pump from working so after the MRI I will have to go right to the doctor's office to see if it is still working. Kinda scary to think of it not working...I'd hate to see how bad the pain would be. Hopefully they can start it right away if it does stop. It is really amazing how they program the pump. They just put a device right on top of the pump and program it for what they want done and it speaks to the pump right through my skin.

Every day usually brings a funny grandchild story. Today it was from Rhebeca. She is taking an art class one day a week after school. She is usually starved after school and her Mom didn't send anything for her to eat today before the art class. So, her Mom took her some food after school. Rhebeca is only in first grade but was just mortified to see her mother at school...and with food too! She told her Mom to take the food to the car and she would eat later. I think all of us at one time have felt embarassed by our parents and can identify with her!

Tomorrow will be my first pump refill. It's a little scary but I have high hopes that the doctor will increase the daily amount of morphine. I cannot stand more than 30 seconds without the pain starting. I still cannot sleep in bed...still stuck in the recliner. I am also going to check into getting an injection in my neck because that's what's causing the pain now that the low back pain is better.

Tyler called today and left me a message on the phone. He did such a good job in leaving the message. He said they were leaving to go to McDonald's playground and would I like to go...I got home too late to join them. Then he went on to tell me that he's been playing "Drop Heads" and got 2 pieces of the map. I am amazed that he can do that because it is a very difficult game that takes a lot of eye/hand coordination. He's a smart little guy.

Can't wait for American Idol to start next week. It's fun because Rhebeca and I have that in common to talk about....hopefully we'll get to go to the concert again this summer. I'm sure we'll both have our favorites again this year although I can't imagine anyone better than Constantine:)

NBC news did a special last week on chronic pain and the doctor they talked to that runs the pain clinic at Cleveland Clinic quoted what life is like for a pain patient and I thought it was so accurate. He said..."Typically, the people that you're dealing with when you're treating this syndrome (chronic pain) are people who have spent the last three, four, five years of their lives on the recliner, watching television, dark room, no socialization, no work, no hobbies, no family life, no sex life. Their lives have literally stopped." What an accurate statement for my life the last 3-4 years. It's obvious this man knows what CP can do to a person.