Tyler's kindergarten picture. I just love those freckles. I used to hate my freckles so I keep telling him how cute they are so hopefully he'll believe it:)

There are a lot of colds going around here that just seem to hang on for weeks and weeks. Tyler, Caden and Katie have all had it and I've been surprised that I hadn't got it yet. Well, I got it!!! Starting last night I was chilling and aching all over. This morning when I woke up I couldn't breathe and felt like a truck had run over me. I always tease Wayne when I feel like that and ask him not to run over me with his truck at night:)

The rheumatologist's office called today and talked to Wayne...not sure why??...maybe it was call waiting. Anyway, my liver enzymes are elevated so they are going to want to cut me back on the medicine. I guess it's good/bad news. I think the medicine has helped some and cutting back might bring back all the joint pain but I can't sacrifice my liver for that!! I am supposed to call them tomorrow...by the time I called tonight they had all ready left the office.

Katie told me a cute story about Tyler. Tyler brought home a paper explaining a wrestling program for kids K-6th grades. She explained that he enjoyed wrestling with Daddy on the floor...would you like to join a group at school that will teach you how to wrestle. He said .."Oh no, that would be too dangerous!" Smart little guy there if you ask me.

Alan took Rhebeca and a friend to the haunted house last night. She has talked about going to the haunted house now for 2 weeks. I even went over it with her that they wouldn't touch her...they might scare her but wouldn't touch her. She thought they would grab her and take her to another place but I told her I was sure they couldn't do something like that. The 3 of them got there and Alan asked one more time..."Are you sure you want to go into the haunted house? Won't you be too scared?" She assured him she'd go. He bought the tickets...I think they were $8-$10 a piece (I'm not the best listener:). They got to the haunted house and she wouldn't budge. Instead now she wanted to go in the maze. He bought tickets for the maze...after making sure she would go on this now and not change her mind...he bought the tickets and guess what? She got too scared to go into the maze too. Alan said he dropped $ 40 for nothing last night. He said he had to keep reminding himself that she's just 8 years old. She seems older at times because she's so tall but inside she's still a little girl. I can't say I blame her at all for being scared...I doubt that I'd be able to go through the haunted house either...I'd be to scared!! Beca, if you're reading this I think you're the greatest and there's nothing wrong with being scared of something:)

I heard some news tonight that is really sad. When Alan was in nursery school (3 years old) the teacher asked me if I would pick up one of the children whose mother didn't have a car. She would pay me $3 a week to take him to school and back home. I agreed and got to know the family quite well. The mother was from Japan. She was such a sweet person. We would take turns having the boys over to play at each others houses. It just so happened that they had a daughter a year younger than Kristi and they became good friends too. Well, I heard tonight that the mother comitted suicide on Thursday of last week. She had been in chronic pain with ataxia. The way I understand ataxia is that it is a degeneration of the central nervouse system. It affects balance, the hands and even the ability to swallow food. It also affects the spinal cord and the cerebellum in the brain. It sounds like a horrible disease. I'm so sorry she felt so miserable as to end her life although...I can say that I totally understand her desperation. If it hadn't been for this pain pump I might have felt like doing the same thing myself. It is so hard and hard isn't even a strong enough word to live in constant pain. I still have pain but I can get relief from it by changing positions and sitting in a comfortable chair. She was a beautiful woman inside and out and I'm sure she will be greatly missed by her family.

Caden and Tyler recently had their first visit to the pediatric dentist, Dr. Johns. He is the same dentist I took their Mommy to when she was a little girl. What amazed me most about these pictures is how much Dr. Johns has aged. It's probably been about 20 years since I saw him. I don't think I've changed at all...(ha ha!!) but he sure has. Caden had his teeth counted and Tyler had his teeth cleaned.

This is our daughter, Kristi, and her son Jacob. They went on a hayride with the MOPS group. And, in the next picture is Jacob petting the pony. Kristi said he kept running back to pet the pony. Maybe he has that love of horses in his genes. I know I sure love and loved horses. When I was a young girl I would go to sleep at night just dreaming of how much fun it would be to have a horse. When I was about 10 my grandparents bought me a horse. They got it at an auction and it must have been drugged. It was so quiet when I rode it there at the auction and was terrible when we got home. It would try to rub me off on the fence and just plain acted nasty but I didn't care...I had a horse. Jacob's Mommy sure loved horses too:)
Yesterday was a very rough day. I went into withdrawal from changing the medication in my pump. Being a Saturday the doctor's office was closed but I got an after hours number and called it and was shocked...the doctor called me back in less than 5 minutes. That happened when I had the pump implaned and had a few problems. That was Thanksgiving weekend and they also returned the call right away during that busy holiday weekend.

I am doing a little bit better today. No more withdrawals. Now I have to figure out if this is handling my pain adequately. If not, they said to come back in and they would increase the medicine some. My main complaint today has been my feet. I can go for weeks with no problems at all and then all of a sudden they are burning like crazy. I just hope it doesn't last long. I have used the anodyne treatment 3 times today and will do it one more time before I go to sleep.

Tyler came over here last Monday for a while. We were asking him about his trip that he took to Aunt Kristi , Uncle Eric and Jacob's house and then they went on to West Virginia to visit a vending broker. Wayne and I have been there before and told Tyler we had been there. He asked right away..."Did you see that dead deer?" We both thought that was so cute but didn't let him know we were a little bit amused. Wayne explained to him that the deer he saw dead probably wasn't even born about 5 years ago. He understood...he's a very bright little guy and catches on to things that are way past his 5 years.

Rhebeca called last week to let us know she got a part in her Christmas program. She will be singing with a small group!! I can't wait to go watch. I'll be there whether I'm having a good day or not. I missed the talent show last year because I was having the pump implanted. I didn't want to miss it but I had a deadline...the doctor's office was no longer going to accept Anthem insurance as of Dec 1st and my surgery date was Nov. 17th!

Yesterday was my pump refill. I have to have it filled about every 6-7 weeks. They always give me an option of a date close to running low or a little earlier. I always pick the earlier date. Anyway, I've had enough refills now that I know they don't hurt and it's just something that has to be done. During my visit for the last pump refill I had talked to the doctor and together we decided that this time we would try a different medication in the pump. I went from morphine to dilaudid. Dilaudid is the strongest of all the opiate pain killers. We are hoping it will help with my ability to stand in one place and in walking. I think they said it will take like 26 1/2 hours for the new medicine to start taking effect. The old med has to work its way through the catheter.

I had a new nurse help with the refill yesterday and they told me she is best at changing the medication. The pump has to be cleared of the old medicine and washed twice with saline solution. She told me she likes to stick a person with the needle only once. So, she actually grabbed onto the pump through my skin and ran her fingers around it to find the catheter port. It didn't really hurt at the time because she had given me a local anesthetic in the area. When I got home I kept having this nagging burning at the pump site. I was worried it might be starting to become infeted. Well I looked at it and it's completely black and blue where the pump is and around the surrounding area. It hurt so bad last night that I had trouble sleeping!

I couldn't figure out why the skin around the pump hurt so bad last night. I was getting dressed a while ago and noticed that all along the pump site the skin is blistered, puple and spots of red irritation. I love my doctor's office and think they're the best but everyone can make a mistake. I weill be letting them know on Monday what happened so the same nurse doesn't do that to someeone else.

About 24 hours to the dot from the time they refilled the pump I started to get sick. I had diahrrea, stomach cramps, a headcache and sweating profusely. I called the after hours number for the clinic and told them I needed to talk to the doctor on call. He called me back within 5 minutes. They are so good at getting back with you when there is a problem. Anyway, he talked to me and I explained my symptoms. He said it most likely is withdrawals. Most people don't have a problem but occasionaly someone does...and I do! I'll type more later...getting sick to my stomach again.

I had my repeat mammogram done on Thursday. The radiologist read the x-ray while I waited. He said that there is a mass of tissue but it doesn't look like anything to worry about. Just to be ont he safe side he wants me back in 6 months to see if there's been any change.

I had my eyes checked on Wednesday. I have always gone to the South Bend Clinic but decided to try to find someone in our home town. I looked in the yellow pages and found a clinic associated with one in South Bend that has several optometrists and also several opthomologists on their staff. I went in for my exam o Wednesday of this week and found out I have a little too much pressure in the eye...a sign of glaucoma. It is not enough to treat at this point and they dilated my eyes and looked at the optic nerve and everything else in my eye looks fine!

Check back laster today. I will be adding some pictures!!

Steve and Katie and the boys left Memphis today and are headed for West Virginia. It's a good thing that they're young and can do things that older people wouldn't dream of trying. The last thing Wayne and I tried like that was to drive straight through to Denver, Colorado, ski for 2-21/2 days and drive sraight home. It would have been an 18 hour drive home but it turned into an ice storm and it took more like 30 hours to get home. I can still remember how exhausted I was when we finally got home.

I talked to Kristi after they left and she hated to see them go. She said the kids had such a good time together. Caden and Jacob called each other baby. I'm surprised that Caden would let Jacob call him baby w/o correcing him because if we do he says..."I not baby, I big boy!"

I had a decent day today. I didn't do much except get some groceries and some more dog food so we won't run out before Belle goes home:)

Tyler, Halloween 2005
Tyler had a hard time deciding what he wanted to be last year and finally decided on a race car driver...without the hat. He is so shy when his school did programs that he wouldn't talk or sing so it would only fit that he wouldn't want to wear something outrageous or attention-getting for Halloween.

I am still having trouble with scanning and getting the whole page on the scanner. I cut off the bottom page today and the top of the page yesterday but at least you can get the idea of the layout.

Our son saw the neurologist this week regarding his low back problems. The doctor told him about a new procedure called x-stop. It is a very simple surgery and is done with local anesthetic. It widens the area where the disc is and holds it in place with this little titanium piece of metal. It is reversible unlike a fusion. He sees another surgeon on Monday for another opinion on it. I am excited because it sounds like something that might help my pain some. I have an appointment with the surgeon at the end of November. I would probably still need the morphine pump but maybe it could help me to stand and walk a little more.

While I am still trying to digest and accept the news about the rheumatoid arthritis I get another blow today. I got a letter from the hospital that did my mammogram that said they saw something suspicious and want to do a repeat on one side. That was the last bit of news I needed to hear. I just feel numb tonight. Hopefully it's nothing but my mind can't help but think of the other scenario also. I don't know if I'd even be strong enough to withstand chemotherapy. I guess I will cross that bridge when it comes. Until then I just really feeling down. I get the mammogram done on Thursday.

I keep our appointments on post-it notes and put them on top of the desk where the computer is. It is starting to get pretty full up there with all my appointments.

The next big thing is getting a blood test to see what...if anything ...the methotrexate (for the rheumatoid arthritis) is doing to me. They especially check kidney and liver function. I sure hope that comes out normal!!

My latest scrapbook project
For some reason the scanner cut off the top of my layout...there really is a top to the letters that say..."AT THE":) I am just begining to scrapbook last years fall/halloween pictures. Just in time to work on another set this year! Hopefully I'll have another layout to post tomorrow.

Katie, Steve, Tyler and Caden drove 10 hours to see Eric, Kristi & Jacob yesterday. They made it there about 2:00 am. Kristi called this morning to make sure I knew they got there safe cause being the "old grandma" that I am I was worried the one driving might fall asleep that time of day. Kristi said that Steve and Katie went right to sleep....but a little while later she started to hear noises. Then she heard Tyler say..."Caden, we need to find a flashlight." Kristi got up and saw that Tyler and Caden were playing with the toys. She told them where to play so they wouldn't wake up Eric (who had to work the next day) or Jacob (who, because he's a little guy needs his rest:) When Kristi got up this morning she said it looked like they got out every single toy...must have looked exciting to them. She said Tyler only got about a half hours sleep last night...he was just so excited to be there. This morning he was building train tracks and block creations for Jacob. Kristi said Jacob would try to do the same thing as Tyler so maybe he'll learn a little bit about building in the next few days!!

I don't even have to look out the window when I wake up to know that it's damp outside. I have been in more pain than usual today and that's the reason why. It's damp and rainy and even with heat and air conditioning I can feel the humidity. I'm probably more accurae than the doppler radar the news is always talking about.

The following 3 pictures are of Rhebeca and Kael at their 8th and 3rd birthdays. Kael was the first one to start eating like a little puppy dog and get his face all messy and Rhebeca followed right along. She just had a tiny bit of frosting on her face when her Mom said..."Beca, look at that flower on your cake." She looked and her Mom pushed her face into the cake. For just a split second she looked like she was going to get upset with her Mom and then was a good sport and started laughing. All of us watching got a real show!

I am still not feeling very verbal about my life and what is happening. Wayne and I had an experience a few afternoons ago that was hopefully healing for both of us. He was questioning me as to why I push myself so hard to spend time with and be with our Grandchildren. He thinks it would be better for me to do more resting. Anyway, I told him what had been in the back of my mind but hadn't verbalized yet. I am afraid I won't have too many more months or years where I can play with them or have them over. I want them to remember me for having a good time and fun when they come to see me....I don't want to them to see a Grandma that is always in pain and always in bed/not feeling well. We both sobbed for the longest time when I told him I'm worried that my time for being active is very limited. We can both see how much I have failed in the last two years. If I continue at that rate I don't know how much more I can push myself. I am sorry to be so down and depressing. These are the things I'm dealing with. I do hold in the back of my mind the fact that the rheumatologist said I need to be patient with her...she can get me feeling better but it will take a while. That is the hope I hold onto when I get the feelings of doubt.

I wanted to post pictures of the birthday party for Wayne and Eutemia from yesterday but I can't seem to be able to upload any more pictures tonight. I guess the rest of the pictures will come later!!

Tyler and Caden playing football with their Dad. In the next 3 pictures are Tyler and Caden enjoying a beautiful fall day!

Caden enjoys coming over to our house now and I can get along all right watching him now for a couple of hours. His two favorite toys when he comes here are this doll house and train track. The funny thing is that he played with it the first time on this "day bed" and now he thinks he has to play with it there everytime he comes here.

Kael is holding up three fingers because I asked him how old he is. Three

is a hard number for little ones to hold up their fingers but it looks like he's

figured out an easier way to do it rather than the traditional way. This pictures

was taken after Rhebeca's soccer game last Friday. We went out to eat at

Chick Fil-A after the soccer game mostly because they have a big play area for Kael.

He wanted to head right for the play area as soon as we walked in the door. We

picked out a table that faced the play area so we could keep an eye on him. Wayne and

I sat facing the play area and I kept a close eye watching to make sure he didn't

My latest layout done at 3AM Thursday morning It's one of the favorites of my layouts that I've done lately. Picture is of Eutemia and Kaleb.

Kaleb in Mickey Mouse sunglasses

These glasses originally were Tyler's glasses. I remember him wearing them. They were bought from Katie's garage sale and now will pass down a couple more times!

Kaleb was trying to get a soccer ball but couldn't quite figure out how to get in there:)

Kael in the Mickey Mouse sunglasses

I haven't posted for quite some time. I am still depressed over dealing with being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I thought that maybe after a couple of weeks I would begin to feel better about it but I just don't yet. While it's good to have a diagnosis it's not so good knowing what it is!

A couple of cute grandkid stories. I was talking to Kristi on the phone last week and she stopped talking for a little bit and said..."Jacob, I told you not to eat those tractor tires". Like the saying goes..."Your sins will find you out." While changing his diaper...there were the wheels:) I asked her if she was going to recycle and all she said was..."Gross"!! I think it meant no!!

Katie took me to the store yesterday. Tyler was riding on my cart with me (the electric wheelchair) and while we were in the checkout line he saw a little girl from his school. He started saying ..."Oh no!, oh no!!" I asked him what was wrong and he said there's a girl from my school. She was in the line next to ours and she was standing there looking at her. I told him to say hi and he fell into a heap on the bottom of the cart and said..." I can't!" His face turned beet red. I was really surprised he was so embarassed over this little girl. She was so cute and just kept smiling at me like she understood Tyler's problem. He wouldn't even tell me or his Mom what her name is.

Tyler visiting me during the day last week.

I get kind of lonely during the week . I get especially lonely on the days
that Wayne works a 15 hour day. He does that 2-3 days a week. I love
having Tyler come over for the afternoon on those days to keep me company.
Caden is a little young for me to watch for very long yet but his day will come:)

Caden having lunch here while his Mom went to the doctor!!

Wayne and I were fortunate to be able to attend Rhebeca's soccer game
last Friday evening. We enjoyed watching that healthy little body run
from one end to the other. I makes for a thirsty little girl:)
As you can see, my camera does a bad job with red eye. The flash
is too close to the lens. I usually doctor them up but didn't get this one
done yet.

My latest scrapbook project has been scrapbooking Jacob's 1st birthday.
He turned 2 in September so I'm somewhat behind but I keep plodding away.
He loved his cake and didn't seem to mind one bit that it was all over his face and hands.
You can't really tell by these layouts but they are 9x9 instead of my normal 12x12.
I thought maybe it would be nice to do a few of the kids books in this size. You can
still "doctor" the pages up about as much as the 12x12.

I sold a lot of my old scrapbook items this year when our local scrapbook
store had their annual "garage sale". I earned enough to buy a machine
called the "cricut". There are several different programs to buy but the
one that came with the machine is very good. It has all the basic shapes along
with the uppercase, lowercase and numbers on it. When printing it out you can choose
from 1 inch to 5 1/2 inches. The letters "All Gone" were made using the machines along
with the photo corners and the circles underneath the picture!

Young Love!

Anyone recognize this young couple? It's Wayne and I on our wedding day
just a few years ago!

Tyler and Santa in 2001
Tyler doesn't care a whole lot for Santa
when he was just a year old. The strips of paper are
on a white sheet of cardstock which doesn't show up in
the scan. It looks better in person than it does here.

Today was a very rough day for me. Mostly emotionally more than physically. I have been so depressed since seeing the rheumatologist and I'm just having a really hard time working through having the rheumatoid arthritis. I try to keep busy so I can't let my mind wander but it doesn't always work.

I took a class at the scrapbook store tonight and wouldn't you know it but the lady sitting next to me is on disability for her low back pain. I enjoyed hearing her stories and learning about what it was like for her in getting the disability. She did get one lump sum check for the 3-5 years before that plus a small amount

Our granddaughter was in a car accident a little more than 3 years ago. The car was totaled but thank goodness she and her Mommy were all right although Rhebeca's window shattered and Rhebeca had to have her forehead and under her chin stitched up. Yesterday, Alan saw a dark kind of blackish mark under Rhebeca's chin. Upon closer look...it was a piece of glass working its way out of her body. After THREE years! What a surprise. Her Mommy took her to the doctor today and Rhebeca threw a fit so they couldn't take it out in the office. She will have to be anesthesized on Oct. 23rd and they will remove it then.