It's been a rough week since I posted last. Last Tuesday I woke up with the worst ever muscle spasms I've ever had. None of the medications I had would even touch them. After about 3 hours Wayne called the ambulance to come and pick me up and take me to the ER. When they got here they had their bed and said they would have to strap me to it. I could sit up but they would still have to strap me to the bed. There was no way I was getting strapped to anything. So...they helped me get into Wayne's van and I kind of stood up till we got to the ER. The good thing about the ambulance being alerted is that we got attention right away. They first took my vitals and my blood pressure was 225/112. I think that alerted them that this was very serious. I DO NOT want a stroke. I had started getting a headache and felt like I could have had a stroke had they waited any longer. They gave me a strong pain reliever (same that is in my pump) and it didn't really take away the spasms but it put me to sleep. I don't care...at least I wasn't feeling the pain. Wayne said that even though I was asleep my body kept on spasming for quite some time.

That same afternoon I had an appointment with the nurse practioner for the physiatrist. (who is a doctor of physcal medicine...orders therapy, etc.) She was SO helpful. One thing she helped me with that no one had ever told me before is that valium is an excellent muscle relaxer. I know it is highly addictive and my doctor has limited me to 2 a day for a few weeks. After that he wants me to go to a place called "Doctor's Hospital". From all the asking around this place has an excellent reputation. They deal with people like me that have muscle spasms that are difficult to treat I can't begin to tell you how many days I have paced and cried with these spasms. I wish someone had told me about both things...the valium and the "Doctor's Hospital". My only ploblem with this hospital is that the patient has to stay there including overnight! From the time I was a little girl I have always suffered with homesickness. It starts right at dusk and continues all night but If I want to get getter I just have to do this. I can't continue to take valium because on that med I can't drive and I also can't continue on with these spasms or I'm going to have a stroke or worse!

Yesterday I attempted to have an MRI on my low back but couldn't make it trough the MRI because the pain was so bad. I stood it for the longest period I could but evidently it wasn't long enough. They are hoping there is enough good film shot to give the doctor the information he needs. I thought for sure I would be all right because they gave me 4 pain shots through my IV but it didn't even touch the pain. I think they believed me since my blood pressure also wernt up during that time.

Most of the time I am able to accept these limitations and be content but there are times that I watch people walk or stard in one place and wonder how they do it. I want to be normal like that SO badly but I just continue to get worse. I have probably another 30 years to live and it scares me to think what that future holds. Most of the time I don't even let myself think about it but there are times that it scares me to death. Just this morning we were watching the Early Show on TV and there were all these people standing and watching the group "Chicago" sing and it made me angry. I wanted them all to experience what I do for just a day !! Or there are times I am at the grocery store in my little electric cart and there stands a woman in her 70s or 80s standing there like she could stand there forever. It's these times that I have to regroup and think of the blessings that I do have that these people may not have. Three children who love and respect me, 7 grandchildren that LOVE to come here and a husband who knocks himself out for me and parents that would move a mountain to help me get well. My Mom has been coming over here every day for a while and cooking for me. I have been eating better and for some reason I'm sleeping longer too. I appreciate what everyone does to help me make it through the day!!

Have yourself a good day. I am hoping to get to go to the design teams meeting, carry in dinner and maybe even get to crop a little bit with them tonight!!