This is Isabella at 1 year old. She is so smart and keeps everyone hopping just to keep her safe. She loves to climb and can figure out how to get just about anywhere. That activity level is much like her Dad's at the same level so I can understand what a handful she must be. She has a real developed sense of humor. She takes the paper into her great Grandpa every evening and will hand it to him and then jerk it away and laugh.

Our daughter-in-law is so creative. She has been running her own ebay business and has done quite well. What amazes me is that she knows just what will sell. These diaper covers are her latest creation for ebay. Isabella kind enough to model them for her. She even has her own studio in which to highlight her products well

Since I posted last I got some very good news. I got approved for disability. After 3 1/2 years it finally happened. We are working on talking with Social Security and our private insurance agent to make sure everything is a go before he takes me off of our private insurance. Once I am off I will be uninsurable. It's kind of scary when I think about it so I just try not to think about it:)

I am having trouble with muscle spasms every morning...again! If I take the muscle relaxers they take the pain/spasms away but then they make me so sleepy that I'm no good for the rest of the day! I have been trying to get a layout done for the design team for about 3 weeks. I will start to work on it and the next thing I'm sleeping with my head on the table!

My day on Thursday was quite exciting compared to most of my days! I had tried to get a MRI at Elkhart General about 2 weeks ago but the pain was too bad and I couldn't hold still enough for a scan. So, yesterday I went to Memorial Hospital that happens to be the only hospital that will put a person like myself under general anesthetic for a MRI.

The bad news....I have known for quite some time that I have pulmonary hypetension. I thought things were better since I cant really see my lungs. So, if you can't see it and you can't feel it, you must be all right, right? WRONG!! That was my lesson of the day.

The good news....I asked him (the anestheologist) to please tell me when he puts the medicine in my IV to which I heard a little snicker and then my hand began to burn so I knew it was going in. I said..."my hand is really burning bad"....and that's that last I knew until I was in the recovery room.

The bad news... I should have kept taking the medicine for the pulmonary hypertension. I don't remember it but Wayne could hear the doctor and nurse say Becky, you need to take a deep breath. Becky, please take a breath... Wayne heard the nurse telling me for quite some I needed to sit down. Then he heard the doctor say that I could go ahead and sit up if that felt better. Wayne said when we came out of the MRI center that the doctor had his arm around me to help me sit up. When I met the doctor to begin with he told me that he has some very light twinges in his back and can really feel for someone like me who has pain all the time. So, that's probably why he was so understanding.

The good news... It is now 5:00 in the morning. I am still breathing...yeah!! My Mom is taking me to the pain center first thing in the morning to make sure my pump didn't get turned off during the MRI. I'm feeling pretty good but I don't know for sure what my symptoms would be and how long it it would take to feel the effects of the stopped pump.

I took this pictue of Isabella about a week ago. She is one year old!

After a 2 day-10-12 hour drive from Memphis Jacob felt like going outside and kicking a ball around with Grandpa Wayne.

T This picture was taken of Isabella by a professional photographer for her year old pictures! I can't believe that little baby is a year old all ready!

Kristi and Jacob arrived here safely from Memphis. This is the first time she has driven here and got along just fine. They were going to take the train and found a great price. When she went to book it the pr ice had almost doubled!

Today was the first day without muscle spasms. I read over my entry from a day ago and couldn't believe how many mistakes there were. I guess that's what happens when I'm in pain and on the muscle relaxers. They relax the muscles AND they relax me too.

Well, I thought I had these muscle spasms under control and then yesterday (Sunday) I had them all day long no matter what I took or what I did. It was so discouraging. I was even getting some scrapbooking done the day before and try as I might I couldn't continue on Sunday. I had to cocmpletely redo the scrapbook page above....the picture was crooked and it threw off the look of everything. I am very pleased with the look now. I tried to scrapbook today but kept falling asleep from the anti-seizure medication and even got an imprint from my on my face from my "Cricut" machine from falling asleep and my face ending my on the machine.

Now, it Monday morning and I am fine...so far! I'm just cringing thinking that they might start soon any time.

Steve, Katie and Tyler and Caden spent the weekend at the campgrounds. We have our motorhome parked there for them and they help with the maintenance while it's there. If we're not driving it, someone may as well be getting some good out of it. Well, Steve & Katie have no goo place to ride a bike at their house so while they were there, Tyler learned how to ride a 2-wheel bike. I guess he just took off in his bike!! He had forgotten his transformers blanker that he sleeps with at my Mom & Dad's house and my mom left it here for him. He was so glad to see his blanket that he told his mom "that really lifted me down" to get my blanket. How cute!!

My health seems to be the topic as of lately. Believe me, I would like it to be anything but my health. Today I had 2 doctor appointments.

1st appointment was with my family doctor. He seemed perplexed with the situation. He thinks the only thing for me to do is to go to some sort of a rehab center to get the drugs looked at and get an exercise program going. He said I am on way too many medications...but, guess who gave me 90% of those medications? He did! That's what is frustating. It's so easy to blame it on the patient. I will say that he listened to and responded to our questions.

The 2nd appointment was with the pain doctor. This appointment was just plain frustrating. He didn't answer even one question or listen to anything we had to say. He had his own area of interest and just kept going on that way!

I am so discouraged tonight. Just frustrated!

Becky

Every day seems interesting in its own way. This morning I had to take 2 valium for the muscle spasms. My Mom and grandson Kael came over to make sure I wasn't going to fall because that seems to be the consequence of taking those pills. I seemed fine...the spasms went away and I was feeling pretty energetic..enough to play with Kael, eat some lunch and work a little on my scrapbooking. I finally told my Mom she could go home that I was fine!

I sat down at the desk unaware that I was sleepy and started playing a game. Next thing I knew I was asleep and got a phone call from the disability attorney. I am always hoping that when they call that I am going to get the good news that my disability has been approved!! It wasn't that call. It was the monthly call to ask when I had doctor's and therapy appointments. What a disappointment. I guess I fell asleep because next thing I knew this time is that I was tipping over sitting on my heavy leather desk chairand me and the chair both ended up on the floor. I was scared to death. I also couldn't get up. I knew Wayne was out of town but I reached up to get the phone off my desk. Thank goodness that it was there because I'm notorious for taking the cordless phone to another room and leaving it there. I almost always keep my cell phone in my pocket in case I fall but you guessed it...not today:) Wayne called his parents and my Mom. His parents got here first and helped me get up. I mainly needed someone to hold onto the walker. Even though the brakes were on it would move when I tried to get up. It was a struggle but I made it up. I fell on my back and it was spasming at the time. Just as I got up, my Mom walked in the door. I kept thinking that his just isn't right. I should be helping any one of them. They must worry about who's going to take care of them when they get in this condition. Who knows? Maybe I'll be well by then:) That's one thing that would be really be difficult for me is to see my parents or in-laws needing help and we or I can't do it!

My Mom stayed and helped me get ready for my therapy appoinment. She washed and blow dried my hair. I got dressed and we were off for therapy. I went to the same lady that helped me so much with my feet. She was so good to me back then. This time she seemed a little brusk (is that a word?) and rather rough on what she expected of me. One of the most painful positions I can do is to lay on my stomach and she had me lay on my stomach the entire time. I guess I would have expected things to be a bit more gradual. She made it seem like this whole back problem was my fault...like I'd done something wrong. She wouldn't answer my questions...just ignored me. She acted the same way to my Mom. Wayne says to quit and go elsewhere and that's what I'm thinking at the time. We see my pain doctor on Wednesday and I think I will mention it to him and see what he thinks I should do.

When I came home Wayne was here. I was SO glad to see him and tell him all about it. I fell asleep and slept for 3 1/2 hours....I even slept through supper!

Tomorrow is another day...we'll see what that holds.

It's been a rough week since I posted last. Last Tuesday I woke up with the worst ever muscle spasms I've ever had. None of the medications I had would even touch them. After about 3 hours Wayne called the ambulance to come and pick me up and take me to the ER. When they got here they had their bed and said they would have to strap me to it. I could sit up but they would still have to strap me to the bed. There was no way I was getting strapped to anything. So...they helped me get into Wayne's van and I kind of stood up till we got to the ER. The good thing about the ambulance being alerted is that we got attention right away. They first took my vitals and my blood pressure was 225/112. I think that alerted them that this was very serious. I DO NOT want a stroke. I had started getting a headache and felt like I could have had a stroke had they waited any longer. They gave me a strong pain reliever (same that is in my pump) and it didn't really take away the spasms but it put me to sleep. I don't care...at least I wasn't feeling the pain. Wayne said that even though I was asleep my body kept on spasming for quite some time.

That same afternoon I had an appointment with the nurse practioner for the physiatrist. (who is a doctor of physcal medicine...orders therapy, etc.) She was SO helpful. One thing she helped me with that no one had ever told me before is that valium is an excellent muscle relaxer. I know it is highly addictive and my doctor has limited me to 2 a day for a few weeks. After that he wants me to go to a place called "Doctor's Hospital". From all the asking around this place has an excellent reputation. They deal with people like me that have muscle spasms that are difficult to treat I can't begin to tell you how many days I have paced and cried with these spasms. I wish someone had told me about both things...the valium and the "Doctor's Hospital". My only ploblem with this hospital is that the patient has to stay there including overnight! From the time I was a little girl I have always suffered with homesickness. It starts right at dusk and continues all night but If I want to get getter I just have to do this. I can't continue to take valium because on that med I can't drive and I also can't continue on with these spasms or I'm going to have a stroke or worse!

Yesterday I attempted to have an MRI on my low back but couldn't make it trough the MRI because the pain was so bad. I stood it for the longest period I could but evidently it wasn't long enough. They are hoping there is enough good film shot to give the doctor the information he needs. I thought for sure I would be all right because they gave me 4 pain shots through my IV but it didn't even touch the pain. I think they believed me since my blood pressure also wernt up during that time.

Most of the time I am able to accept these limitations and be content but there are times that I watch people walk or stard in one place and wonder how they do it. I want to be normal like that SO badly but I just continue to get worse. I have probably another 30 years to live and it scares me to think what that future holds. Most of the time I don't even let myself think about it but there are times that it scares me to death. Just this morning we were watching the Early Show on TV and there were all these people standing and watching the group "Chicago" sing and it made me angry. I wanted them all to experience what I do for just a day !! Or there are times I am at the grocery store in my little electric cart and there stands a woman in her 70s or 80s standing there like she could stand there forever. It's these times that I have to regroup and think of the blessings that I do have that these people may not have. Three children who love and respect me, 7 grandchildren that LOVE to come here and a husband who knocks himself out for me and parents that would move a mountain to help me get well. My Mom has been coming over here every day for a while and cooking for me. I have been eating better and for some reason I'm sleeping longer too. I appreciate what everyone does to help me make it through the day!!

Have yourself a good day. I am hoping to get to go to the design teams meeting, carry in dinner and maybe even get to crop a little bit with them tonight!!

No pictures today but really could use your prayers. I have had muscle spasms now for 2 days straight. I can get rid of them for a couple hours with the medications but the medicine also puts me to sleep. It is really very scary to me because the spasms have always responded to the medicine and gone away but this time the spasms come back within hours.

I will try to get in to see my doctor today but even then I don't know how I will make the trip there!

More later....
Becky

This is our granddaughter with her new hair cut. She has the most beautiful hair. It is thick with a slight curl. All she has to do is wash and dry her hair and it looks adorable. Before this she had really long hair so this was a drastic change for her. She is our first grandchild and was born in Brazil. Her name is the same as mine...even last names. I try not to put last names on this blog ... for their own safety.

This is Caden with his catch of the day...turtle! Thank goodness his Daddy thinks like I do and insisted Caden let it go into the lake they live at. His Mommy said he cried all the way into the house. They painted Caden's name on the back of the turtle and they will hopefully see him this year.
This is my legs wrapped. I had walked in them a little bit and the big toes always try to peek out. Our daughter (Katie) came over this evening and Wayne taught her how to wrap my legs. He and Katie's husband are going to Chicago tomorrow and don't know when they'll be back so Katie will wrap my legs late afternoon for me...after I go swimming. I can't begin to say how grateful it makes me feel that our daughter would be more than willing to do this for me. All 3 of our children have the desire to help where they can.
This is my buddy. I try to not think about the fact that I need to use a walker and try to make it fun. One fun thing is that I can use the seat to carry things from room to room. I also try to use it humorously and cut Wayne off when we're walking and I become the champion!! Otherwise, if I really let it sink in that I have to use a walker it could be too overwhelming

I woke up with muscle spasms again this morning (actually it was yesterday) and it took about 4 hours to get rid of them and by the time they went away I was sooooooo sooooooo sleepy. Everywhere I sat today or anything I tried to do I instead fell asleep. The whole day went by without me even knowing it. I started to wake up around 9:00PM and I think that was becausre I drank a cup of coffee.

Below is my latest scrapbook layout. I had a hard time with this one. I think it's because I've been feeling so lousy that it makes it hard to make decisions. This took a whole month to put together.

Last night was a design team meeting and I volunteered for 3 layouts (maybe even a couple of double layouts?) so we will see what I get done...I hope it's all 3 of them.

I had a strange thing happen yesterday. I bought some turquoise nail polish when I was at Walgreen's. I have several things that match that color. I asked Wayne to put the polish on for me and he grudgingly agreed:) About a half hour after he put on the polish my toes started to burn and tingle. They were that way all night and all day today! My toes swelled and were beet red. Then, this afternoon after I went swimming they started to get a rash on them. I called the doctor's office and explained my situation. It was after hours and they called me back when I was at WalMart. They asked me if I could come right in and I said I could. So I whizzed through the 20 items or less line and got out in the car and told my Mom what they had said at the doctor's office. She took me there and the doctor on call looked at my feet and said there was no infection...thank goodness!!! I worry about getting an infection. The physical therapist said if I get cellulites again that it is very possible to become septic (sp?) and that's what I worry about. He said they (my toes and feet) were just extrememly irritated from the polish. Who would have ever thought?? I guess there is one more thing I can add to my list of things I cannot do anymore.

Last night at the design team meeting I actually felt a little out of things because of not feeling well and always being sick. The others just seemed to be so different from me...like I used to be. It made me just want to cry...but I managed to hold it together till I got home and then I cried a little and felt sorry for myself just a little;( But Wayne was there and is always able to help me out of the glooms,

It is 2:00AM here and I am awake trying to deal with a toothache!!It has settled down now and I sure don't want to eat anything in fear of it ating up again. I've got 2 weeks till the dentist appointment and a root canal....can't wait! It will be so good to get rid of the pain.

Not much new except for the fact that the pharmacy I've been with for several years (and spent thousands of dollars with) has been cheating me with one of my meds.We come right home and count it and this month it is 5 pills short. Last month it was 3 pills short. Now this doesn't sound like a lot but my doctor gives me just the right amount to last till refill date and not even 1 extra! So I am switching pharmacy's.

This is Kaleb having a very rough day. Within a few minutes he was happily playing again. I can't even remember what he was so upset about...

If you ever wonder how important to a child/grandchild it is to attend their school programs remember these pictures. Tyler is in the back row in the navy/baby blue shirt...kind of right in the center by the little girl with long braids. In the first two pictures he is looking for his family in the audience and the third picture he spots us! I almost didn't go to this program because I didn't feel real good that night but I will always remember that face when he spotted his family there to watch him!

Looking....

Looking......

And...we are found!!!

I have been waking up in the mornings and just holding my breath till I know if I'm going to have muscle spasms. These spasms are what I would call violent spasms and it usually takes 2 kinds of muscle relaxers to get rid of them....and then I'm out of it the rest of the day...sleeping...sleeping!It always takes a little over an hour for the spasms to let up and the only thing I can do is to pace with my walker. I can't sit or even lay down. I wish I could lay down but that makes them worse.

I had the spasms yesterday morning and didn't have them this morning. I cannot yet find a reason for them...anything I do different one day than the next and haven't found a connection. If I ever do figure it out I will stop doing whatever it is...believe me! The spasms originate in my tailbone area and there's no way to stretch it out like I used to with the spasms in my lower back.

I have talked to my primary care doctor about the spasms and he doesn't have a clue. This week I had a pump refill (morphine pump) and talked to my "pain " doctor and he really didn't have any answers either. Tuesday I have an appointment with a physiatrist (doctor of physical medicine) and I hope maybe he can get to the bottom of this.

It's kind of a lonely Sunday afternoon for me. After I finish this I think I'll try to scrapbook some. Wayne is in Chicago at a restaurant convention. He was asked to come and help out in a booth for a wifi company. Wayne is thinking about buying a territory but wanted to see the reaction of the people to this at the convention. He called about 2 hours ago and said they'd only had 2 visitors to their booth...will be interested in knowing if it's picked up since then.

Scrapbooking this picture brought back so many good memories of times showing horses and what fun we all had. I was so proud of all 3 children for their showing ability. Kristi is on one of her favorite horses, actual name is Musclebuster. We called him KB because there was all ready a Buster in the barn and we didn't want to get them mixed up. KB stood for Kristi's Buster. I thought he was such a beautiful horse!

I'm back. I haven't felt like posting for a couple of weeks. Physically I've been exhausted from lack of sleep. I was lucky to get 1 hour of sleep a night for long time. And, physically, it seems like I've lost ground. I have had to start using a walker in the house because of the back pain.

The neurologist increased the medicine (Lyrica) for my foot pain. It has helped considerably with the pain but has added a couple of side effects that I don't like. The one that really drives me nuts is the stuttering. I have a real hard time t getting out my thoughts. A person has to be real patient with me or they will give up on me.

Thursday evening was to be an exciting evening. There was a meeting at the local scrapbook store and the secret pals we h ad for 4 months were to be revealed. I'm the only one who had the person I gave to and the person who gave to me not at the meeting. And, to top it off, I was happily eating some cake when I got this horrific tooth pain. It was in the tooth that needs a root canal. Since Wayne was in Detroit I called my Mom to come and get me right away. I wanted to go home where I could yell if the pain came back. I couldn't believe how bad the pain was. I called the dentist and he called back and wanted to see me Friday morning at 8:15. I was there right on time and he looked at it and felt around and decided I have an abcessed tooth. He said the next 48 hours would be the worst. He said if it made it that long then I should pretty much be out of the woods of that tooth pain!

What is sweeter than a dandelion bouquet from the hands of a child? Tyler told me he wantd me to keep it forever.

If you look real close Caden had a dandlion bouquet in his hand, too. He doesn't quite have the idea of getting a little stem with the flower!

Tyler is fixing up the flowers as to make it pretty for me.

This is my latest layout. This is Jacob...our daughter's (and son-in-law)'s son. They camped in northern Florida and enjoyed the Florida beach!

One of my latest layouts of Caden. He isn't always cooperative with picture taking but sometimes if I"m persistent he'll give and give me a million dollar smile!

It's 3:20AM and I'm just coming down off of some really bad muscle spasms. I got in bed about 1:30 and it felt so good and I was so comfortable and then a familiar feeling started to come to me and not but a few minutes later I had an explosion of muscle spasms in my low back. I've come back later to say that these spasms lasted 4 hours! I finally started getting some relief around 7:00 AM. But now I'll be out of it the rest of the day. I just hate that. But I have to do something to get rid of those spasms.

I had one of he best days yesterday that I've had for a long time. My feet barely hurt and my back wasn't bad at all. We went to WalMart for some needed grocery items and then Wayne's sister and her husband came over to visit. They are here from Colorado and it was so good to see them and visit with them. He is just nearing the end of chemo therapy for a tumor in his abdomen. It was interesting to hear what he's gone through. Sounded so like what I've been through in the past couple of years with the feelings of why me? to the sleepless nights!

They did something kinda fun when he lost his hair. They had their friends and family send him hats as their way of showing they care. I thought that was so neat! Never heard of that before but what a unique way of showing support.

One of the reasons I started this blog was to write down some of the cute/ineresting things the grandkids do and say. This week our 4 year old grandson, Kael got his tadpole in the maill. He had the home and had to send away for the tadpole. He was SO excited. The only problem was he wanted to treat it more like a puppy dog and kept taking i out of the habitat and petting it and holding it. It didn't take long for the tadpole to die. The other big thing in his life was that he asked his big cousin who he adores if he l iked h im better or his big sister better. Well, Tyler (big cousin) said he liked the big sister better. It just crushed Kael. He and his family live with my parents (Kael's great-grandparents) and Kael kept talking about how sad both things made him. My mother told him that when she feels that way she prays about it and tells Jesus her feelings and it makes her feel better. So, he decided to do it but didn't want anyone to hear him so she told him to whisper. She heard him whispering and all of a sudden he said....How can God hear me if I whisper? She reassured him the God knew his heart and when he prays it and says it to God that he can change his feelings and his hurts.

Do you know how hard it is to get a good picture of a toddler? I wanted to get a picture of Isabella's cute outfit and this is the best I could get. She left her hat on for about 20 seconds:)

I finally figured out that I needed to get my camera ready to shoot and then say Isabella, look at grandma and then ....shoot! Much better:)
She loved playing with this little car. It's so cute because I was holding her and she started pointing at the car and it took me the longest time to figure out she was pointing at the car and wanted to play with it. She points at things she wants and doesn't quit until she gets what she wants. When she wants to nurse she points at her Mother and says mine mine.
This is the only kind of picture I could get of Kael yesterday. Our son said he wondered if Kael was normal with all the things like this that he does and went to his friends house who has a son 2 weeks younger than Kael and there he was doing all the things Kael does. It made him feel better knowing all these silly things are just being 4 years old!
One of my latest layouts. One of the popular trends right now is to stitch on the pages so the vine with the leaves is all hand stitched.

I had such a good day yesterday. My pain level was really low...I had virtually no foot pain and it was a real treat for me. My Mom had us over for lunch for my birthday dinner and it was so much fun playing with Alan's kids. I even played hide and seek with them. After that I had a design team meeting at the scrapbok store and I always enjoy that !



Then at 2:30 this morning I fell out of my chair flat onto my face. Wayne heard the thud and came running in there to see what was wrong. Wayne thinks I might have had a seizure before I fell because before the big thud he said he heard the sounds of me kicking boxes. I have a lot of boxes in my scrapbook room right now because I'm going through things to get ready for a used item sale at the scrapbook store. Last year I made over $700. But anyway, back to last night... When I got home from my meeting I had signsthat I was going to have a seizure so that's why he had that in his mind. My feet and legs would just start twitching and jumping for no reason. I haven't been able to get back to sleep so I thought I would do some blogging and then play a game. Fortunately I will be home all day and can sleep when I want to.



I just feel so frustrated with this body. I want so badly to be normal but it just doesn't happen for me. When I try to do normal things that others are able to do then I pay for it.



It was so cute yesterday....our son's 4 year old son, Kael, is really warming up to me lately. It took a long time and I'm so thrilled. I feel like he has a special place in my heart (like each of the grandchildren do) because I witnessed his birth. It's the first birth I'd ever seen and it was so exciting to see a grandchild come into this world.



So, Kael was standing by me and looking at my face and said...why do you have those red lines on your chin? I said they are broken blood vessels. He said why do you have them? I said when y ou get older a lot of funny things happen to your body. Then he saw a mole I had and said...what's that Grandma? I said a mole. He said what's a mole. I said a big freckle....for a loss of words to explain a mole. Then he said why do you have water on your neck? I said because I'm sweating. Then he got me a napkin and tried to help me wipe the sweat off. It brings tears to my eyes even now now to think he would do that. Such a loving gesture.



Kael had scarlet fever this winter and it is still affecting him now. It had caused him to be so emtional. He cries at the littlest thing. And, he needs so much quiet. I think all the noise of everybody made him nervous so he went to the guest bedroom that he calls the green room because of the colors in the room and laid in the baby bed for the longest time. Wayne and I both went in at separate times to make sure he was all right and he seemed very content. He came out later and was just fine.



So as you can see I have the very good and the very bad things in my life and they always seem to been connected. Wayne is so protective of me and it upset him to see me overdo it yesterday but sometimes I just have to do it to feel normal once sometimes.

I've had a rough week so far this week. I just have no energy and sleep all day long. There are things I want to get done but everything...even scrapbooking...seems like it would take too much effort. I am beginning to wonder if I'm not a little bit depressed. I see myself going downhill as far as my health goes and it's really hard to face. I think what started to make me look at this is that my drivers license is expired and I looked at my picture from 5 years ago and what a change!! I can see what a huge change in health I've taken in the last 5 years. I worry that if the next 5 years is that drastic what I'll be like. But.....I am trying to take this just one day at a time. Some days I'm successful at it and others I'm not.

I am thankful for so many things though. Wayne has stuck by me through everything. He calls me several times a day and really cares how I feel. My mother has been blessed with better health and is able to help somewhat. Right now she's busy with our son's family and helping our son's wife but if I would need her I'm sure she'd be here. Our children are all very respectful of me and of my limitations. I know they'd like Mom to be like she used to be and so would Mom like to be there but life doesn't always give us what we want. God doesn't always answer our prayers. Let me rephrase that....God doesn't always give us what we ask for. I have tried hard to figure out why this would be given as my cross to bear and I always come up short of an answer. I've always tried to please others and God and even spent many years traveling around the area giving concerts for just pennies.

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me! Below is what I pooled my birthday money to buy. I have this machine only it is half the size. This one is much more versatile and I've had fun playing with it and seeing the capabilities. I am giving my old one to our daughter, Kristi. She loves doing crafts and I think she will really enjoy having it. There's nothing wrong with it and I've enjoyed using it for 2? 3? years.
It's a few minutes before eight o'clock this morning and it's all ready been quite an adventerous day for me. When my muscle spasms begin I can always feel them in my right leg first and I woke up with that feeling at 4:30. It didn't take long for the spasms to be full blown spasms. It's real hard to explain them except to say that they rock my whole body. I can't sit but have to pace using both canes. They lasted their usual time and that's about an hour and fifteen minutes. That's how long it takes for the medicine to start working on them. All I can say is that I'm so thankful for that medicine. I can't imagine having the spasms for more than the time I have them all ready. When they go away all I can say and feel is...what a relief!!! My body feels like its been through a battle...and it has:)

Yesterday was hair day. I got my hair highlighted and cut and get it all done here at home. Steve (Katie's husband) and Wayne got their hair cut while my highlights were processing. I love it that she comes to the house. First of all, it's a total convenience for me and 2nd of all it's about half the price. I save money and the beautician makes more money than doing it in a shop where she'd have to give a part of her money to the owner. And, the good thing is that she's really GOOD!! I trust her completely.

I hadn't written for a while because it's hard to write when all I do is stay here at the house...don't see anyone but Wayne at night and nothing exciting happens!

Since I posted last I had a birthday. My whole family remembered me and we're celebrating Sunday afternoon. It will be fun to celebrate with all the little kids. Our kids are all so good to me. They know I suffer with pain and I know I could turn to any one of them for comfort and they'd be there. That alone is the only birthday gift I would ever ask for or want but it's nice to get the icing on the cake sometimes too.

This is my latest layout. I will post more later today. I was up at midnight with muscle spasms so am very tired this morning. I can't type much without lots of mistakes:)

I did this layout for a weekly contest at the scrapbook store.

Kael enjoying the easter egg hunt. He is so expressive. His smile faded later that afternoon when he didn't get to be the character he wanted to be in a game they played. I felt so sorry for him....he ended up falling and hitting the coffee table on his ear and it's all black and blue.

Isabella has made up with Wayne. I'm still trying to work my way into her life a little bit:(

Caden put his own shirt on after taking it off because it was too hot. We all tried to offer to turn it around but he liked it just the way it is.

This is taken right outside the door at Tyler and Caden's house. I tried to get one nice picture of the the two boys but finally gave up! Notice that the shirt started out the right way:)

We made up bags for Easter for the grandkids. Everybody had gotten theirs by Easter except for Isabella. We got her the sunglasses, the broom and a baby doll. We've had the baby doll for a while and I was going to use it for a bribe tool to get Isabella to come to me...haha! Kaleb grabbed these right away and put them to use. He is so jealous of her that he probably thought he was pulling one over on her.

Isabella with her new baby doll. She's just SO cute!

Kaleb with Isabella's sunglasses. Do you think he put them on by himself?

Caden is going out for the Easter egg hunt. Notice his feet...we couldn't find his shoes so he went out with just his socks.

Look at those eyes....the windows to the soul.

I thought I'd finally gotten a good one until I got in the car and saw Caden's mouth:)

I really enjoyed Easter. I felt fairly well and was able to go out to eat and go to my Mom & Dad's and see the Easter egg hunt and see my brother, his wife and their son, Connor. They live in Indianapolis but I rarely get to see them. They are just so busy with their lives. He is a doctor in psychology specializing in the brain and she is a nurse. Some of the things he tells us he's learned about the brain is fascinating. He actually turned out to be a pretty good guy instead of the little brat that I once thought he was. I was 10 years older than him and didn't welcome being dethroned at that age. He was so little and so cute and I was growing to be awkward and into that tween age that can be so difficult to feel good about yourself.

I had a pump refill yesterday and was so thrilled that the doctor listened to me about the back pain I've been having. He actually bumped me up 2 miligrams a day. That is the biggest increase he's ever given me and I can feel it today....thank you Dr. Grove:). Since it's dilaudid in the pump he has to be careful not to bump it up too high or I could have breathing problems and just stop breathing.

Don't remember if I blogged after the neurologist appointment but he bumped up the medicine for my feet and they have been quite a bit better. Every day I would call Wayne and beg him to come home and rewrap my feet because it helps my feet so much. I know it makes him feel torn but he has to work to pay the bills.


American Idol lovers....who'd you like last night? I'm so disgusted...Wayne picked David Cooke to win and I picked David Archuleta. David Cooke really did a much better job last night than David A. Wayne was right again and I'm supposed to be the one who knows music:) Tonight will be interesting who goes home. I really don't have strong sense of who it will be like a lot of times that I do. I love the group numbers....hope they do another tonight!