Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Kristi and Jacob in a tree
Kristi sent me this picture that she had Eric take of her and Jacob. She had just got her hair cut and colored. She went red highlights this time instead of blond and I think it looks really nice on her!!

I went to the rheumatologist yesterday and felt a little confused about the appointment. I can tell she is baffled by my symptoms and the way the medicine is working. I really like her more every appointment. She calls me a zero/negative rheumatoid arthritis because my blood tests did not clearly indicate that I have the disease but my symptoms do all point to it. She asked me what bothers me the most and I told her that it was my feet. So, she had my feet x-rayed before I went home. If that is not a clear picture of what is going on with the feet then she will do an MRI.

The x-ray table was like all the others I've ever seen...hard as the floor. It was a young/impatient girl that was doing the x-ray and I tried to explain to her that it was going to be very hard on my back to lay on that hard surface. Of course, I got no response other than you need to lay on your back. As soon as I layed down my right leg started to have muscle spasms. That was the leg she wanted to x-ray and I grabbed it and tried to pull the muscle and get it to stop spasming. She said, you're going to have to lay your leg flat on the table. (I just can't stand these kind of health workers anymore). I told her I was having muscle spasms in my leg from the hard table and when it stopped spasming I would put my leg into the position she wanted. GRR....!!!

Well, she got 4 shots of each foot and I was in terrible pain. I got up off the table and was sitting in a chair waiting for her to come back and say the x-rays were fine when I was a cushion laying on a chair that went on that table. I know she just didn't want to take the time to put on that cushion and it really made me mad. Some people have no understanding at all for pain.

On the way home my Mom suggested stopping at DSW (?) shoe store and seeing if there was any shoes that would fit these swollen feet. I really didn't think we could find any because I knew what I'd gone through at the other store but thought I'd try it just in case. There was not one shoe in that store that would fit my foot. I tried on a 10 that used to be a little big for me and couldn't even get my foot half way into the shoe. After the ordeal with the x-ray and then seeing all the cute shoes I used to be able to wear I was really feeling down. Tyler was with us so I didn't want him to see me sad and didn't let them know but when I got home and was telling Wayne about it we both cried. I can't begin to tell you how emotionally upsetting it is to have a loss like that. It seems trivial but to me it isn't. I love to look nice and it's just another thing to work through.

Rhebeca has been calling me and we play Roller Coaster Tycoon together while talking on the phone. It is a really special time that I have with her and I think it does her as much good as it does me. She is a special little girl.

After going with me to the doctor yesterday I don't know what Tyler saw or what made him empathize with me but yesterday and today when I went to WalMart with him and his Mom & Caden he opened my car door for me. It is such a sweet gesture. The 5 year old in him slips out occasionally. I had to laugh when he opened the door here at my house and a paper flew out of the car...he said.."You can get that, Grandma"!

I have had my losses but my gains are far bigger in these little children. I doubt that I would have gotten to know them so well had I been well. I would probably be much too busy to spend the time. I love the ages of Rhebeca and Tyler now (8 and almost 6). I hate to see them grow up but I know that is the desire of a young person's heart and we will continue to be friends in different ways as they grow and mature! And, I can still enjoy the ages of 6 and 8 in 5 other grandchildren yet:)

One last story that I thought was funny. When Katie was bringing me home today Tyler said he just saw a hippopotamus tied to a tree in our neighborhood. His Mom said they'd check it out when they went home. She called me to say that it was a dead dear hanging in a tree with its head cut off. I looked at it the next time we went out and it did look a little like a hippo. Those are the things I want to remember about these grandchildren...the innocence of thinking there could be a hippo tied to a tree in our neighborhood!!

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