Thursday, July 26, 2007

I have been just miserable the last few days. My feet are my biggest complaint. My toes are red and swollen and constantly burn and feel like pins and needles. Yesterady I got so frustrated with my toes that I felt like taking my new knife and chopping them off. I got a new shiatsu knife this week. Rachel Ray sells the knife she uses on her cooking show so I bought that knife with some credit I had at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I'm just joking about chopping off my toes but the thought did cross my mind a couple times yesteray. I know it would be worse really:)

Katie, Steve and the boys are on their way to Memphis. Katie, Tyler & Caden will stay with Kristi, Eric and Jacob and Steve will fly to Florida to go shark fishing with his brother and Dad. The kids are so excited about getting together. It makes me feel so good that they are such good friends. These friendships could be lifetime friends. Kristi said Jacob kept going to look out the window for them yesterday. I'm sure Tyler and Caden will feel like they'll never get there since it's a 10 hour drive. That's a long time for little boys. We are watching Bell, their dog for the week but will miss having them around.

My Mom will take me swimming today and I am hoping that it will help my toes. I don't know why I can't get the pain under control. I wrap and wrap them and take pain medicine and nothing seems to touch it.Because of busy schedules I haven't been able to go swimming lately and I think it was really help ing with my feet so I hope if I start to go again the pain will let up. It is just all consuming ...that's the pain that is and I can't stand to think of the rest of my life like this.

I went to have coffee with my 2 aunts (one from California and one from Florida) and my Uncle (from CA) on Tuesday. I really enjoyed being with them and they were genuinely interested in knowing what my life was like with my physical limitations. I usually keep my feelings about what I go through buried deep and don't let myself dwell on it. After telling them about everything I was really low the rest of the day. I actually shocked myself with everything I am going through. It's nice to have people that love me and I know really care about my life. I told my Aunt Marcia when I got home that I was feeling sorry for myself and I guess once in a while it's all right to feel that way as long as I can pull myself out of that and keep struggleing on for my quest for better health.

My cousin..daughter of my Aunt & Uncle... passed away in a car crash when she was 16. My Aunt is here visiting from California and brought pictures of Sonia because I had offered to do an album honoring her life. I went through them today and feel the feelings all over again of how tragic the loss of her life was. She was such a beautiful girl with so much potential but I have to believe that her life had served its purpose and God was ready to have her home with him. It's been about 23 years since her passing (correct me if I'm wrong, Marcia) and the influence of her life still feels as strong as it did those 23 years ago. She will live on in the hearts and lives of those who loved her forever. I want this album to be a celebration of her life and pray that I am up to the task.

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