What is sweeter than a dandelion bouquet from the hands of a child? Tyler told me he wantd me to keep it forever.

If you look real close Caden had a dandlion bouquet in his hand, too. He doesn't quite have the idea of getting a little stem with the flower!

Tyler is fixing up the flowers as to make it pretty for me.

This is my latest layout. This is Jacob...our daughter's (and son-in-law)'s son. They camped in northern Florida and enjoyed the Florida beach!

One of my latest layouts of Caden. He isn't always cooperative with picture taking but sometimes if I"m persistent he'll give and give me a million dollar smile!

It's 3:20AM and I'm just coming down off of some really bad muscle spasms. I got in bed about 1:30 and it felt so good and I was so comfortable and then a familiar feeling started to come to me and not but a few minutes later I had an explosion of muscle spasms in my low back. I've come back later to say that these spasms lasted 4 hours! I finally started getting some relief around 7:00 AM. But now I'll be out of it the rest of the day. I just hate that. But I have to do something to get rid of those spasms.

I had one of he best days yesterday that I've had for a long time. My feet barely hurt and my back wasn't bad at all. We went to WalMart for some needed grocery items and then Wayne's sister and her husband came over to visit. They are here from Colorado and it was so good to see them and visit with them. He is just nearing the end of chemo therapy for a tumor in his abdomen. It was interesting to hear what he's gone through. Sounded so like what I've been through in the past couple of years with the feelings of why me? to the sleepless nights!

They did something kinda fun when he lost his hair. They had their friends and family send him hats as their way of showing they care. I thought that was so neat! Never heard of that before but what a unique way of showing support.

One of the reasons I started this blog was to write down some of the cute/ineresting things the grandkids do and say. This week our 4 year old grandson, Kael got his tadpole in the maill. He had the home and had to send away for the tadpole. He was SO excited. The only problem was he wanted to treat it more like a puppy dog and kept taking i out of the habitat and petting it and holding it. It didn't take long for the tadpole to die. The other big thing in his life was that he asked his big cousin who he adores if he l iked h im better or his big sister better. Well, Tyler (big cousin) said he liked the big sister better. It just crushed Kael. He and his family live with my parents (Kael's great-grandparents) and Kael kept talking about how sad both things made him. My mother told him that when she feels that way she prays about it and tells Jesus her feelings and it makes her feel better. So, he decided to do it but didn't want anyone to hear him so she told him to whisper. She heard him whispering and all of a sudden he said....How can God hear me if I whisper? She reassured him the God knew his heart and when he prays it and says it to God that he can change his feelings and his hurts.

Do you know how hard it is to get a good picture of a toddler? I wanted to get a picture of Isabella's cute outfit and this is the best I could get. She left her hat on for about 20 seconds:)

I finally figured out that I needed to get my camera ready to shoot and then say Isabella, look at grandma and then ....shoot! Much better:)
She loved playing with this little car. It's so cute because I was holding her and she started pointing at the car and it took me the longest time to figure out she was pointing at the car and wanted to play with it. She points at things she wants and doesn't quit until she gets what she wants. When she wants to nurse she points at her Mother and says mine mine.
This is the only kind of picture I could get of Kael yesterday. Our son said he wondered if Kael was normal with all the things like this that he does and went to his friends house who has a son 2 weeks younger than Kael and there he was doing all the things Kael does. It made him feel better knowing all these silly things are just being 4 years old!
One of my latest layouts. One of the popular trends right now is to stitch on the pages so the vine with the leaves is all hand stitched.

I had such a good day yesterday. My pain level was really low...I had virtually no foot pain and it was a real treat for me. My Mom had us over for lunch for my birthday dinner and it was so much fun playing with Alan's kids. I even played hide and seek with them. After that I had a design team meeting at the scrapbok store and I always enjoy that !



Then at 2:30 this morning I fell out of my chair flat onto my face. Wayne heard the thud and came running in there to see what was wrong. Wayne thinks I might have had a seizure before I fell because before the big thud he said he heard the sounds of me kicking boxes. I have a lot of boxes in my scrapbook room right now because I'm going through things to get ready for a used item sale at the scrapbook store. Last year I made over $700. But anyway, back to last night... When I got home from my meeting I had signsthat I was going to have a seizure so that's why he had that in his mind. My feet and legs would just start twitching and jumping for no reason. I haven't been able to get back to sleep so I thought I would do some blogging and then play a game. Fortunately I will be home all day and can sleep when I want to.



I just feel so frustrated with this body. I want so badly to be normal but it just doesn't happen for me. When I try to do normal things that others are able to do then I pay for it.



It was so cute yesterday....our son's 4 year old son, Kael, is really warming up to me lately. It took a long time and I'm so thrilled. I feel like he has a special place in my heart (like each of the grandchildren do) because I witnessed his birth. It's the first birth I'd ever seen and it was so exciting to see a grandchild come into this world.



So, Kael was standing by me and looking at my face and said...why do you have those red lines on your chin? I said they are broken blood vessels. He said why do you have them? I said when y ou get older a lot of funny things happen to your body. Then he saw a mole I had and said...what's that Grandma? I said a mole. He said what's a mole. I said a big freckle....for a loss of words to explain a mole. Then he said why do you have water on your neck? I said because I'm sweating. Then he got me a napkin and tried to help me wipe the sweat off. It brings tears to my eyes even now now to think he would do that. Such a loving gesture.



Kael had scarlet fever this winter and it is still affecting him now. It had caused him to be so emtional. He cries at the littlest thing. And, he needs so much quiet. I think all the noise of everybody made him nervous so he went to the guest bedroom that he calls the green room because of the colors in the room and laid in the baby bed for the longest time. Wayne and I both went in at separate times to make sure he was all right and he seemed very content. He came out later and was just fine.



So as you can see I have the very good and the very bad things in my life and they always seem to been connected. Wayne is so protective of me and it upset him to see me overdo it yesterday but sometimes I just have to do it to feel normal once sometimes.

I've had a rough week so far this week. I just have no energy and sleep all day long. There are things I want to get done but everything...even scrapbooking...seems like it would take too much effort. I am beginning to wonder if I'm not a little bit depressed. I see myself going downhill as far as my health goes and it's really hard to face. I think what started to make me look at this is that my drivers license is expired and I looked at my picture from 5 years ago and what a change!! I can see what a huge change in health I've taken in the last 5 years. I worry that if the next 5 years is that drastic what I'll be like. But.....I am trying to take this just one day at a time. Some days I'm successful at it and others I'm not.

I am thankful for so many things though. Wayne has stuck by me through everything. He calls me several times a day and really cares how I feel. My mother has been blessed with better health and is able to help somewhat. Right now she's busy with our son's family and helping our son's wife but if I would need her I'm sure she'd be here. Our children are all very respectful of me and of my limitations. I know they'd like Mom to be like she used to be and so would Mom like to be there but life doesn't always give us what we want. God doesn't always answer our prayers. Let me rephrase that....God doesn't always give us what we ask for. I have tried hard to figure out why this would be given as my cross to bear and I always come up short of an answer. I've always tried to please others and God and even spent many years traveling around the area giving concerts for just pennies.

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me! Below is what I pooled my birthday money to buy. I have this machine only it is half the size. This one is much more versatile and I've had fun playing with it and seeing the capabilities. I am giving my old one to our daughter, Kristi. She loves doing crafts and I think she will really enjoy having it. There's nothing wrong with it and I've enjoyed using it for 2? 3? years.
It's a few minutes before eight o'clock this morning and it's all ready been quite an adventerous day for me. When my muscle spasms begin I can always feel them in my right leg first and I woke up with that feeling at 4:30. It didn't take long for the spasms to be full blown spasms. It's real hard to explain them except to say that they rock my whole body. I can't sit but have to pace using both canes. They lasted their usual time and that's about an hour and fifteen minutes. That's how long it takes for the medicine to start working on them. All I can say is that I'm so thankful for that medicine. I can't imagine having the spasms for more than the time I have them all ready. When they go away all I can say and feel is...what a relief!!! My body feels like its been through a battle...and it has:)

Yesterday was hair day. I got my hair highlighted and cut and get it all done here at home. Steve (Katie's husband) and Wayne got their hair cut while my highlights were processing. I love it that she comes to the house. First of all, it's a total convenience for me and 2nd of all it's about half the price. I save money and the beautician makes more money than doing it in a shop where she'd have to give a part of her money to the owner. And, the good thing is that she's really GOOD!! I trust her completely.

I hadn't written for a while because it's hard to write when all I do is stay here at the house...don't see anyone but Wayne at night and nothing exciting happens!

Since I posted last I had a birthday. My whole family remembered me and we're celebrating Sunday afternoon. It will be fun to celebrate with all the little kids. Our kids are all so good to me. They know I suffer with pain and I know I could turn to any one of them for comfort and they'd be there. That alone is the only birthday gift I would ever ask for or want but it's nice to get the icing on the cake sometimes too.

This is my latest layout. I will post more later today. I was up at midnight with muscle spasms so am very tired this morning. I can't type much without lots of mistakes:)

I did this layout for a weekly contest at the scrapbook store.

Kael enjoying the easter egg hunt. He is so expressive. His smile faded later that afternoon when he didn't get to be the character he wanted to be in a game they played. I felt so sorry for him....he ended up falling and hitting the coffee table on his ear and it's all black and blue.

Isabella has made up with Wayne. I'm still trying to work my way into her life a little bit:(

Caden put his own shirt on after taking it off because it was too hot. We all tried to offer to turn it around but he liked it just the way it is.

This is taken right outside the door at Tyler and Caden's house. I tried to get one nice picture of the the two boys but finally gave up! Notice that the shirt started out the right way:)

We made up bags for Easter for the grandkids. Everybody had gotten theirs by Easter except for Isabella. We got her the sunglasses, the broom and a baby doll. We've had the baby doll for a while and I was going to use it for a bribe tool to get Isabella to come to me...haha! Kaleb grabbed these right away and put them to use. He is so jealous of her that he probably thought he was pulling one over on her.

Isabella with her new baby doll. She's just SO cute!

Kaleb with Isabella's sunglasses. Do you think he put them on by himself?

Caden is going out for the Easter egg hunt. Notice his feet...we couldn't find his shoes so he went out with just his socks.

Look at those eyes....the windows to the soul.

I thought I'd finally gotten a good one until I got in the car and saw Caden's mouth:)

I really enjoyed Easter. I felt fairly well and was able to go out to eat and go to my Mom & Dad's and see the Easter egg hunt and see my brother, his wife and their son, Connor. They live in Indianapolis but I rarely get to see them. They are just so busy with their lives. He is a doctor in psychology specializing in the brain and she is a nurse. Some of the things he tells us he's learned about the brain is fascinating. He actually turned out to be a pretty good guy instead of the little brat that I once thought he was. I was 10 years older than him and didn't welcome being dethroned at that age. He was so little and so cute and I was growing to be awkward and into that tween age that can be so difficult to feel good about yourself.

I had a pump refill yesterday and was so thrilled that the doctor listened to me about the back pain I've been having. He actually bumped me up 2 miligrams a day. That is the biggest increase he's ever given me and I can feel it today....thank you Dr. Grove:). Since it's dilaudid in the pump he has to be careful not to bump it up too high or I could have breathing problems and just stop breathing.

Don't remember if I blogged after the neurologist appointment but he bumped up the medicine for my feet and they have been quite a bit better. Every day I would call Wayne and beg him to come home and rewrap my feet because it helps my feet so much. I know it makes him feel torn but he has to work to pay the bills.


American Idol lovers....who'd you like last night? I'm so disgusted...Wayne picked David Cooke to win and I picked David Archuleta. David Cooke really did a much better job last night than David A. Wayne was right again and I'm supposed to be the one who knows music:) Tonight will be interesting who goes home. I really don't have strong sense of who it will be like a lot of times that I do. I love the group numbers....hope they do another tonight!

The above picture is of Isabella at just a few weeks old. Her Mommy keeps her looking so cute and it's usually in some shade of pink...that will probably be the first color she knows.

Today is the day I dread out of all the days of the week. Wayne works a very long day on Monday's. I always try to think of something to make him postpone it but it rarely works. He is the only one who knows how to wrap my legs and that is the secret to keeping my feet out of pain. He also wraps my toes in guaze...I have never figured out how or why that works to keep me out of pain when I can't even wear socks. The therapist said it's because each toe is wrapped individually instead of grouped all together. I have learned to wrap my toes but do a horrible job at it...I usually get it too tight. It's really hard to work on your own toes.

We never fully appreciate something until we lose it. This foot problem has really left me debilitated....or for easier words....can't go anywhere. It is much harder to accept and harder to deal with than the back pain. It makes the back pain look like a piece of cake.

I can't remember if I said this before but I am at the point where I'm probably going to get rid of all my shoes. I love them and it's going to be very difficult to do. I might have to give Wayne a sack and say go to it and just drop them all off at Goodwill. I cannot see a time where I will ever be able to wear them again. It looks like it will be crocs forever for me. I know there are many worse things that could happen to a person but right now this is what I am dealing with and it seems pretty yucky to me.

Don't forget to wear green today:) It was always such a big deal when I was in school to have that green on or get pinched! Happy St. Pat's Day and Happy Monday!

Our middle daughter, Kristi, is married to Eric and they have a 3 year old son and they all live in Memphis. Eric's grandmother passed away last week so they all drove to Chicago for the funeral. I was talking to Kristi today and asked her if they took Jacob in for the viewing (or wake, whichever you call it). She said they did and didn't make any big deal about it but Jacob did have two questions. 1st....he wanted to know what guys got her which gave Krist and Eric a good opportunity to explain that Grandma was old and died from being old. When he saw her in the casket he wanted to know if she could move her arms and legs...what a good time to explain these things casually and not make a big deal of it.

Late Friday afternoon I called the company that makes the machine I've been using on my feet with a couple of questions. He didn't say but I think I talked to the inventor. He was so patient and so knowlegable about the machine and I'm so glad I called!! I was using the machine wrong. I read about 3/4 of the directions when I got it and then was ready to get moving with it!! I put adhesive pads with electrodes (?) on them and hook them to this little machine...looks a lot like a tens unit. The signal is supposed to go up one leg and down the other. The way I had been doing it I was blocking the signal. Lesson learned? Read the entire directions!!

The way I understand creation is that everything has a purpose. I would like to know what purpose dust has. It sure seems like we could have dne without it!

I have continued to use the "Rebuilder" on my feet 2 times a day and am seeing an improvement all ready. I wonder if it's from the unit or something else?? I will continue to use it and hopefully it is living up to its claims. What a thrill to wake up without that terrible nerve pain. Wayne continues to wrap my legs and toes 3 times a day because of the lymphedema. I will have to have that done for the rest of my life....a life sentence!

This morning I got up and my whole right leg had no feeling and I had no strength in it. I used 2 canes to walk out to the kitchen and when I got to the kitchen I took a step alone on that leg and I went flying backwards and ended up on the floor. Well, I tried as hard as I could to get up and couldn't so had to crawl back to the bedroom. I kept trying to move the leg and it took about an hour to get the strength back in it. I would like to know what is causing this. It is the 2nd time it's caused me to fall and it's really scary.

Our oldest grandchild, Rhebeca, came here for the afternoon. Did I feel like having her? No, I didn't but didn't want to refuse her. I am glad she came because she really lifted my spirits and we had a great time together and did a lot of laughing...good for both of us. We tried doing several things but we ended up doing a game together on the internet... one where you have a picture and have to find objects in the picture. We had fun looking and trying to find the objects. There was a story line behind it which made it even more fun.

American Idol alert:) Just a little bit about American Idol to close this today. I pretty much agreed with the elimations last week except for one. I really hated to see Danny leave so soon. I loved his voice and liked his personality. He was really funny and Idol could use that personality! Oh well....I'll have to watch and see what happens with him. Maybe some company will sign him and he'll have a CD out in the near future!

There are certain things that you look back on and wonder what was going on in your mind. These pictures are both our middle daughter, Kristi. The picture on the right is the one I am talking about. That piece of furniture is our chest that goes with our bedroom suite. She is standing on the middle drawer and hanging on the doors and there I am taking a picture. Everytime I look at that picture my skin crawls. Thank goodness it is a heavy piece of furniture and didn't fall on her. But even saying that it's heavy and if it did fall on her I don't want to think of what could have happened. I just have to think that God spared her life many times.

The other picture is just for Kristi. She is at the point in her life now where she has a little guy making all kinds of messes and wanted her to see that she's getting her fair payback...ha ha!! I love that picture of her with chocolate all over her face, hands, and everywhere. (By the way, that was in 1976 and the wallpaper and flooring were in style, believe it or not:)

I found a company on the internet when I was searching neuropathy which is what is wrong with my feet. It is called "The Rebuilder". It is supposed to rebuild the nerves that are causing all the pain. I have had a lot of pain in my life and I think this pain in my feet is the worse pain I've had. My back still spikes into terrible pain but it still isn't anything compared to the nerve pain. This unit is supposed to rebuild those damaged nerves. I have a 30 day trial on it and if it doesn't help in 30 days I can send it back for a full refund. So far, things are just a tiny bit better. I drove myself to the scrapbook store which is a real indication that things were a little bit better. My toes and the ball of my feet are where the worst pain is and I can't stand to have anything touch them...not socks, shoes or a blanket. So, I wear crocs and as soon as I get into the scrapbook store I take my shoes off and put them in the bottom of the cart. I know people wonder what kind of wierdo I am to be going barefoot but since it helps my feet I really don't care what they think! Back to the Rebuilder....their claim is that this unit will repair the damaged nerves...I certainly hope that is true.

Above is my latest Design Team project. I was supposed to do a layout on "why I scrapbook". All those little faces are truly the reason why...they are a great motivator.

I am at peace tonight. All day Friday, Saturday, Sunday and most of Monday the foot pain was at the unbearable. Monday afternoon my Mom took me swimming at Swan Lake. When I got out of the pool I didn't know how I was going to walk to the car because the pain was so bad so I looked in my purse and had 2 toe wraps. I sat down and wrapped my toes while my Mom dressed the two little grandsons that swam with us. The pain let up significantly. I went home and took my foot medication and all of a sudden the pain relented. My Mom said she was increasing her prayers to pleading with God for some relief and Monday afternoon I got it. Thank God for the relief. Was it the swimming? the prayers? the pills? or all of the above? I don't know and really don't care except that it went away.

I hadn't driven for weeks and within a half hour drove to WalMart for some things I needed and I enjoyed just looking at things and being by myself and not worrying that I was keeping someone from something because they were waiting on me. Now, I want to say to the ones that take me places...I really appreciate every single thing you do. Mom, for all the errands you help me run...Katie, for all the Starbucks you bring me and Wayne, for sitting in the car while I shop at different places. You are all so good to me. But, there's nothing like being able to do it myself.

That said, this was a one time thing and I will probably be needing you again soon:)

I sent Wayne the cutest card for Valentines Day. It was one of the ones you open up and it plays music. The song I sent him was..."You're Still The One". I asked him while I was cleaning things up Monday night (during my freedom from pain) if he wanted to save the card and he did. He just came into the computer room to show me how the card works. He had it all torn apart and found out the chip the made it work and showed me the speaker it needed to hear the music. I told him I thought the card was much prettier when I sent it to him and he said he liked it torn apart much better so he could see how it worked..ha ha!! The difference between men and women?....maybe one of them:)

Tonight is the big night...the top 10 boys singing in American Idol. I all ready have my favorites. They are David Archuleta (if you have some free time go to "You Tube" and type in his name and scroll down and listen to him sing "Mary, Did You Know"?...it is so beautiful it gave me chills), David Cook, Jason Castro and DAvid Hernandez. We'll see how my guys do tonight!

Kelly, thank you so much for the acronym on fear. I'm going to print that out and keep it somewhere that I can see it frequently. I have a lot of fear I deal with...not just fear about the foot pain so it think can benefit me in many areas of fear in my life:)

We got no help at all from the foot doctor. He told me he is an orthopedic foot doctor and what I need is a neurologist who deals with nerve pain. So, I called the neurologist and will go see him at the end of March. The last time I saw him he made me mad but I will give him another chance. At the end of my last appointment he told me I was on a lot of medication. Well, like I didn't know that all ready. When we got to the car I went over the list of meds with Wayne.

There's meds for thyroiditis...gotta take that
there's meds for my foot pain (3 pills)...gotta take that
there's meds for high blood pressure...gotta take that, don't want a stroke
there's pills for back pain, really need those ...that's 2 pills
there's a pill for high blood sugar, really need that
and last but not least are pills for laxatives...anyone with a pain pump like me needs those

Now, why didn't the doctor go over the list like that with me instead of making me feel like I'd done something wrong? I think if he brings it up again I will ask him what he suggests I cut out of the list? Other than this one incident I have really liked him so maybe he will give me some help with my feet...I always continue to hope!

Yesterday (Friday) was a rough day for me physically and mentally. I can usually keep my spirits up and don't get depressed very often. The foot pain yesterday was just almost unbearable. When I went to the foot doctor one of the questions they asked me is if the pain ever gets bad enough that I want to cut my foot off? I thought that was a rather odd question for a doctor's office to ask me until yesterday...then I understood. I was ready to cut off my toes the pain was so bad.

I take quite a few pills (unfortunately) in the mornings and to guard against stomach upset I usually take the pain pills first. I take 3 different kinds of pills for my feet and when I first wake up I take those and the pain pill for my back. I don't take much for my back since getting the morphine pump installed...thank goodness! Sometimes in the mornings I'm so sleepy when I take those pills for my feet that I can barely focus my eyes. The pain was so bad yesterday that I was really depressed about my situation.

Around 4:00-4:30 in the afternoon I was going to take the rest of my morning pills and what to my amazement was one of the foot pills I forgot to take. That certain pill is called Tegretol and is actually an anti-seizure medication but they have found the the anti-seizure medications help with nerve pain. I would imagine that not only did my feet hurt from not getting the tegretol but I think I went through some withdrawal from not getting the Tegretol...it is a very strong medication!

It makes me so thankful for these pills that keep the pain under control most of the time. I cannot imagine my life without them:)

I had to reschedule my last appointment with the foot doctor. Tomorrow is the day we go to see him. I cannot wait to go. I can't help but be very full of anticipation that he may have something to help my poor feet.

Today is the worst day I've ever had with foot pain. Wayne said that there is a front coming through tonight and I have begun to notice that my feet are worse when there is a front coming through. I just couldn't do anything to get out of pain and feeling that way I didn't get ONE thing done in the house today. Didn't put my dishes in the dishwasher, fold the laundry or didn't even feel like getting dressed. I just ordered a pizza because it sounded good and I did make my way into the bathroom and brushed my teeth since I have to open the door:)

You know what my fear is? I get very fearful when the pain gets so bad and I finally figured it out today. I am so afraid that this will be the time when there is no relief from the pain. Every other time I have found some way, taken a pill, used the foot massager, wrapped my toes and feet/legs...and I've gotten relief from the pain. When I am in an episode of pain like today I get afraid that this is the time it will stay like this forever and I don't know if I could bear it! Oh well, enough for the worrying because by about 6:00pm after I took my foot pills and wrapped my own toes (and that's no easy feat) then all of a sudden the pain relented and was almost gone completely. Go figure:) I don't really care why it goes away...I just care that it does go away!!

My Valentine - Martina Mcbride

Wishing everybody a Happy Valentines Day!! May you be with the people you love most and have that love returned. After 35 years of marriage we have learned what love is all about. It's waking up at 3 am and wrapping my feet or telling him to drive carefully instead of hurrying home. It's caring for the others needs instead of your own. And, it's enjoying each others company no matter what we do. I am unable to go to the movies many times and even though Wayne would like to go out to eat or out to the movies he cares enough about me to stay here and be content. That's true love and I am so thankful for the love of my spouse on this day that we celebrate love. I don't need jewelry or candy or flowers. I just need that person who loves me and cares about my needs above his own which makes me want to do the same in return.

I usually don't post this early in the morning. It is 5:22 am and I am awake and in a quandry all ready today. My right leg is so numb this morning that it will not support the weight of walking on it. The last time I tried to walk on it l ike thia I ended up falling. It's just all so frustrating! I am also just barely starting to get slight muscle spasms in my low back so I guess I need to bite the bullet and get walking and hope this leg starts getting some circulation in it and quits feeling numb.

Sunday was probably the best day physically I've had for months. The pain in my feet was virtually gone and it felt just SO good. I felt like doing so many things that I didn't know what to do frst...so I ended up going to my father-in-law's 80th birthday party and then on to WalMat to get some groceries. I didn't want the day to end...but it did and woke up yesterday with the same old pain as usual.

I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon in Elkhart with a physiatrist..... not a phyciatrist but a doctor of physical medicine. One of he things he will ddo is to fill out the forms for my disability but I'm hoping he might have some good ideas to help me.

Jacob on his gocart

Before you watch this video you may want to go to the bottom of the page and pause the music so you can hear our daughter talking. YOu will see two small straigt lines on the left side and just click on that.

Jacob looks so little to be riding a big go-cart like that and then I remember our kids showing big quarter horses when they were 3 years old. They looked pretty little on those big horses too:)

Today is one of the roughest days I've had for a while. My back is ready to spasm and my feet hurt really bad. Some days I feel it more because I see how fast I'm slipping as to what I used to be able to do and it scares me. I try not to buy into the fear but at times it overcomes me and tonight it is really nagging at me.

Wayne just left to go to Mishawaka. Our son organizes a fight occasionally and tonight is one of the fights. He has begged his Dad to come and see what he has put on. It has become a big thing but it is really so far from what we are interested in. For me, I can't imagine why someone would want to get into a situation and bang up their good body and good health. If you've got the health, try to keep it!! But, Wayne went tonight to support Alan as a person. Of all nights for him to leave tonight is one of the worst. I have a certain time of day when I get depressed and it's always around sunset. As a child that's when I would get homesick at a friends house and have to go home. So, tonight it's about sunset time and I'm feeling really sad and wishing he were here. I can put up with some long hours during the week because that's what I've come to expect but Saturday's are our day together!!

I will try to explain how my feet feel. I know as someone who knows me or reads my blog you must wonder how my feet really feel and why I complain about my feet so much. If you can imagine a rubber band on each toe wrapped around so tight you can't get it around again...that's a beginning to how my toes feel. I am so hoping the foot doctor has something that will help me. If I could get my feet out of pain it would improve my quality of life tremendously!!

I am participating in the scrapbook store's secret pal swap. If my secret pal is reading this please understand that I am not complaining....just trying to explain how this illness affects every part of my life. I got a beautiful gift today. It is from Bath & Body works and is Lotion which I need BADLY!! My poor dry legs and feet will drink that in and I love the fragrance. I also got a body wash which I'll enjoy and a bath soak which I wish I could use but can't because I can't get in a bathtub without my back really flaring up. I will give that to my daughter and she will love it! When I see something like that it's just another reminder that I can't do things other people can.

This post is all about American Idol so if you're not interested or not a fan you can hang on till my next post.

Mikalah Gordon and Matthew Rogers have been the hosts of American Idol Extra on Fox channel...same channel as American Idol. Things are going to be a little different this year because they have chosen Gina Glocksen and Constantine Mouralis to host the show this year. That should be prety interesting! The first show will be March 17th at 10:00 eastern time.

If you like surprises don't read the following....but here is a list of the Top 24. So...here it is.... This list is subject to change but is the closest people can find to the Top 24 names. If you would like the site I go to to find all the American Idol information it is http://mjsbigblog.com/

The top 12 girls:
1. Asiah Epperson
2. Alaina Whitakar
3. Alex Lushington
4. Amanda Overmyer
5. Amy Davis
6. Brooke White
7. Carly Hennessy Smithson
8. JoAnne Borgella
9. Kady Malloy
10. Kristie Lee Cooke
11. Ramielle Malubaf
12. Syerha Mercado

The top 12 Boys
1. Chickreze Eze
2. Colton Berry
3. Danny Norieza
4. David Archuleta
5. David Cook
6. David Hemandez
7. Garrett Haley
8. Jason Castro
9. Jason Yeager
10. Luke Menard
11. Michael Lee Johns
12. Robbie Carrico

This is what I worked on during the crop with the design team Saturday night. It was very time consuming because the layer under the circle was done in about 2 inch segments and had to be added under the circle. It is Tyler in the picture holding the dggs he'd found!

Here it is 5:48 am and I've all ready had a rough morning. I woke up with slight muscle spasms in my back at 4:30. I know they will develop into big ones so was getting up to take a muscle relaxer. They take about an hour to work so I need to get them down me as soon as possible. Well, my right leg was numb and gave out on me and I fell right on my back...just what I didnt need. Wayne was sleeping and heard me fall and has been up keeping me company through these horrific muscle spasms. At one point I asked him to shoot me and he refused. Now I'm glad he didn't but at the time would have welcomed it. I have never had pain as bad as these spasms right into my tail bone. They are so strong they rock my whole body.

I had a tooth pulled 2 weeks ago and got along fine. I just haven't done real well in the healing process. I think the dentist is starting to understand me. When I was in the dentists office yesterday getting it packed for the 2nd time he said...you're not a real fast healer, are you? I thought...you're getting it now. I've been dealing with a dry socket and they are pretty painful...enough so that it's woke me up several times at night. He put me on an anti-biotic and gave me some pain medicine.

I had such a good time Saturday night. Both design teams got together to scrap. I had really missed some of my friends from the team last year...mostly Kelly and Charity (Jen too!). Kelly and Charity were both there and it was so good to see them They are both such positive people and have become good friends. I have missed having friends since I've been sick and have needed it SO bad. Also good to see Molly again who is my cousin's daughter...is that a 2nd cousin?

Most of you who know me know that I am very warm most of the time. Well, here at home when Wayne isn't home I open the windows and turn off the furnace when I'm feeling that way. That's when I love the cold weather. Anyway, I hadn't locked most of the windows all over the house so I could have easy access to just lift the window up. Wayne noticed a draft coming from one of those windows several weeks ago during one of those cold spells. We went around the house and locked all the windows sealing out the cold air. We couldn't believe what a difference it made in our utility bill. Last month was $270 and the one I got a couple of days ago was $220. $50 dollars!! I am sure that is the reason why because it sure hasn't been a warmer month in January. Just a tip for anyone else that might want to check their windows.

Tyler spent several hours here one day last week. There is a computer game that we like playing together. I can't believe how competitive and childish I get when I start playing with him. I have to keep remnding myself that I'm an adult and he is a child. Well, the whole time he was here I kept asking him if he was hungry or if I could fix hi a sandwich to eat at the computer. I kept getting the same answer. Finally he said he would drink a milkshake if I made one for him. Well, his Mom called after she picked him up and said I have to tell you a story. She said I know better than this but you will laugh. She said he started working on her to go to a drivein and kept saying Becky wouldn't get me anything to eat...only drinks! I know he wasn't saying it against me...he was just trying to work his Mom and trying to get her to go to a drive-up...and it worked..ha ha!!