Beca was here a week or so ago and stood looking at my "photo table". It's a long kind of skinny table that's only purpose is to keep the grandkids pictures on. She thought hers was really out of date and I agreed with her. We both decided to go out in the back yard..natural light and do a photo shoot. These pictures were the result. She's such a natural in front of the camera.



Wayne and I have both been so sick this week with what I'd call either the flu or a bad cold. It really got us both down. We ended up getting antibiotics 2 days ago and are starting to feel just a little bit better. I still ran a fever all day yesterday and he hasn't been to work since Monday when he put in 14 1/2 hours and came home sick and exhausted. But, what a blessing that he did that and we got the money banked and he could just be sick and sleep and take it easy the rest of this week. I have alwasys said that it's a treat when you're sick to be able to just BE sick and not have to go to work or take care of little kids...which I did for many years and I'm sure many others can identify with that. He talked about going to Angola today but we'll see. It's unusual that he's not up at 7:30 am so he's probably feeling a little "punk" as he calls it yet.

Katie called me Sunday afternoon and asked me if I had any ideas for Tyler's party at school. I said..yes, I do. When I was at the design team crop Friday night I saw several of the ladies using a new die cutting machine and making the cutest little bags to take treats in for the "Fall Parties" (which used to be able to be Halloween parties). I had an hour before the scrapbook store closed and ran over there right away and we were able to get just the right amount of bags made with the last of the Halloween paper I liked so well. She went home and put in the fake ugly teeth, a small yoyo, a sucker and some other candy. That morning when she took a shower Caden had a hayday with the bags. He opened all the suckers (that's 25 of them) and ate the M&M's out of about 6 of the bags. I called her yesterday to tell her that I was sorry I didn't make Caden a bag but that paper I used was that last of the paper. She said...don't worry, he's had his fun with the bags:)

I woke up with muscle spasms in my low back again this morning. They're not nearly as bad as a week ago and I took a muscle relaxer right away. My Aunt that lives in CA said she talked to her physical therapist about my muscle spasms and she suggested getting magnets to place under that area when I sleep. I have heard of that helping pain years ago and think I'll check into it. She had a couple of other suggestions but the magnet ideas seemed like the easiest way to begin. I need to find something to help because I hate waking up with these spasms:(

Last Friday night the design team got together at the scrapbook store and we all cropped together. I had a really good time and this picture was my only accomplishment. I have noticed that I'm a little slower than many of the ladies but I'm sure it's all the meds and the pain that slow me down because my nature has always been to be the fastest at everything I do. Thanks to Jennifer for helping me with this layout...I love it!!

I paid for all the fun Friday night because I woke up with horrific muscle spasms in my low back Saturday morning. It took an hour for the muscle relaxers to work and I can't begin to tell you how horrible that pain is. It seems I always have to pain for my fun:(


Today is Wayne's birthday. I totally forgot when I got up until I got on my computer and saw the date so I called him right away and sang to him. He is so carefree about what should happen on his birthday compared with me..his wife..who thinks I'm princess of the day:) and milk it for all it's worth. I guess that's one of the things I really love about him...his selflessness. He's been a good example through the years to watch and learn from.

I am also frustrated this morning. I have been fighting a cold and heaping that on everything else I just feel worthless. I have several pages to get done for the design team and a huge I mean HUGE pile of laundry to fold and put away. Wayne does the laundry and piles it all on the chair in the bedroom. My whole house is a mess and I really like it orderly. I need to unload the dishwasher and here I sit...not wanting to do a blessed thing. It's all ready ONE O'CLOCK!!! I will give myself a little bit...maybe another hour and then try to do one thing at a time.

I have myself pictured in my head as the person I was before all the health issues....and the weight gain. I'm trying to take a picture for the bio page I need to make for the new design team and every one I take I look so fat and sick and unlike the person I feel like inside. It just emphasizes all the changes I don't want to accept. I read email from family and friends and it seems like everyone's life gets to move on except for mine. I am stuck in this horrible pain and I look like crap and feel even worse. Sounds like a great bio, doesn't it? My house used to be so clean and neat and now I haven't been able to clean it for about 8 months or more. I clean the bathrooms and Wayne cleans the kitchen floor and sweeps and that's all that gets done. I guess men don't see dust but I do and when I try to dust the pain just gets too out of control...so I am stuck with a dusty and what seems to me a dirty house. I would love to go back to the house we had to sell because of medical expenses and have it clean like it used to be with everything in its place. That's really who I am:)

I went to the dentist yesterday because I lost a big hunk out of my tooth eating a pretzel. I almost had a panic attack when he was telling me what he's going to have to do and showing me the x-ray and seeing all the decay. The tooth that I lost the hunk out of has decay down to the bone and he is afraid he will have to cut out some of the bone. The one next to that has decay..the one next to that has decay under the crown and the last one has decay and needs a crown. So, his plan to save money and make it easier on me is to pull the tooth with the hunk missing out of it and make a bridge between all these teeth with a mere cost of....$3600. The only good thing is that I can be sedated while he does this...otherwise he wouldn't like how uptight I get when I have my teeth worked on. I saw a little girl in the dentist chair having her teeth worked on when I was walking out and she was doing so well. I had to tell myself I used to be that little girl but a lot has happened since then making me the person I am today.

That little house may look simple to make but believe me it's one of the hardest projects I've had to do for the Design Team. Wayne helped me and it took us all weekend to complete. Wayne's comment when we were done was...if we ever have to do another one we're hiring a contractor. I thought that was pretty funny!

Other than working on that nothing else is new. I thought in the middle of the night that I was catcing cold but after sleeping several hours and takin osme medicine I feel a little bit better. I hope it was just exhaustion from no sleep for 2 night. (Friday and Saturday) I think I was so worried about getting that houwse done that I was too woried to sleep.

Kaleb was so interested in the dandelions in our yard...and he had quite a few to choose from...so I had to make it a photo opportunity. Is it just me...his grandma? or is he absolutely adorable?




Tyler is so excited and proud to have a loose tooth. He even wanted me to take a picure of his loose tooth and usually he shuns the camera.





I haven't posted for a couple of days because I have been too sick. It was a lucky circumstance that helped me to figure out what was wrong. I was so sick to my stomach and had a headache for 2 days. I thought maybe it was related to the pump...but...Wayne had to leave really early yesterday to service our machines in the Toledo, Ohio area. He didn't want to wake me up to wrap my feet and legs but I had wishedhe had because I was in so much pain. So, I called the physical therapist and asked if she could just wrap my legs and she worked me in. As soon as she saw my legs she just stared at the for a while and then told me I had cellulitis again. She told me to call the doctor right away and get some antibiotics. I did just that as soon as I got in the car. I have now taken 3 pills and feel better all ready. The nausea is gone and I am feeling a little more energy all ready. Why did I get it again? Who knows but I'm sure glad to figure ou what was wrong.

I had an interesting day today. I didn't sleep well last night and fell asleep watching TV in the recliner. That made me wake up with th muscle spasms. The reason I didn't sleep well is that on our way home from my psychological testing I saw a Panera's. We hadn't eaten there for ages so Wayne was a good sport and stopped there so I could get some carryouts. We split the new chicen condora (or something close to that) tasted really good. It was a little rich but I still liked it. Well, it must have been richer than I thought because I burped about every 60 seconds all night long. I tried tums and they didn't help, tried Gas-X chewable and they didn't help. When I woke up, Wayne told me to take kaopectate and I couldn't believe it but it helped!

I went with Katie to run errands and had a great time even though we ran out of gas. We were right in the middle of an intersection when the car stopped but lucky that we were right in front of a gas station. I took charge of Caden and we went into the gas station and I got hom some Cheetos and by the time we paid for them the car truck was at the pump filling up!

That's my biggest excitement for the day. I was thankful when we had to walk to the gas station that I was having a good day since I had to walk to the gas station. It may not seem like a big deal to the normal picture but when I have to walk any little distance I panic knowing how painful it will be:)

This is a picture of a brain and my brain got a real workout today. I had no idea what I was getting into when I went for my neuro-psyche test. It took 3 hours!! It was interesting and it was difficult. I had to do things like math in my head which got harder and harder. He also read 10 words that were not at all connected and throughout the test I would have to repeat as many words as possible. I had to know what is in the current news and past history. I had to draw and had to remember tje drawings and repeat them again and again. That's just a general idea of what I had to do. It will be interesting when he calls my neurologist and tells him the interpretation of the test. I see the neurologist on Monday!

Tyler told this big story to my Mom and me on Monday when I picked him up from school. He said he and his friend Cam (I think that's the name) were both getting groups of very big boys together in two groups. They would each be in charge of their own team (or is it gang:) and they were gonna FIGHT!!!!
Rhebeca was in the car when he was telling this story and we all tried to tell him different ways to work out their differences but after each idea he said...nope, we're gonna fight. It was a real "boy" moment. Well, I think today was the day for the big fight so I called his Mom to see if he was still alive (...ha ha!!) and ask how the fight went. She said the fight didn't go down because they found a bull frog and played with that during recess. I laughed so hard.
Those tough little gangsters all liked playing with a frog instead of fighting. I just love this age. They are just precious.

Brrrr! It's cold in here!! Poor Wayne has to live with a cold house and sometimes he feels it...like tonight. He came home from work exhausted and feeling a little sick and I came home from the grocery store very overheated and in much pain. So, by the time I carried in the groceries and fixed some supper I was dripping with sweat and turned the temp down to 66. Wayne knows my saying is that he can bundle up an get warm but I have no way to get cool. I really feel bad when he gets cold like that but if I turned up the heat for him I would just be miserable.


I had a little more pain than I like to have today. Back pain and foot pain. My feet were worse today than they've been for a LONG time. I'm on that new medicine and it didnt help today. I hope tomorrow's better. Tomorrow I have a neuro-psyche test that the neurologist ordered. I can't imagine what the test will be like...I'll post here tomorrow what the test was like.

Becky

Beca's Photoshoot!
Beca was at our house this afternoon and noticed the picture of her in the frame was rather old....like a couple of years old. So, together, we decided to do a little photo shoot of our own. The lighting wasn't very good in the house because it was rainy outside so I had her go outside and stand on the porch and that's where I took these pictures. She came up with these expressions all by herself...no help from me:) I used a special mode on my camera called "shoot portrait focusing tightly on the subject" Now I know there's another name for this but that's what it says on my camera:)







I had a much better day today than I've had for quite some time. I actually had some energy which was wonderful. Didn't get much done except for a little housework and then like I normally do on Monday's I picked up Tyler from school. Soon after we got home my Mom stopped by and Beca was with her. Beca wanted to stay and since I hadn't seen her for a while I was thrilled to have her here.

I was disappointed with myself that I got a little nervous with both of them here. It made me feel like an old lady!

Well, after Tyler went home, Beca came to the store with Wayne and me and I sure enjoyed it. She looked at all the costumes and didn't find one that would be appropriate for her in her size. So, after the groceries we came to our house and she picked out her outfit online and her grandparents (Wayne and I) ordered it for her. I know she had mentioned several times that she didn't have an outfit yet and that's important when you're a young lady!! The name of the costume is "Pirate Cutie Costume". It's really cute.

While I got the groceries she started telling me how hungry she was. I gave Wayne my coin purse and he took her to the McDonald's attched to the WalMart and sat with her while she ate. I'm so glad that they got that time together. Sometimes Grandpa doesn't spend as much time as the Grandma does and I love Wayne enough and know what a special person he is that I want these grandchildren to know him in the same way. I know he loves them all too and never complains when I jump right in there and play with the kids and he stays in the background. Anyway, it ended up being a good time for for Grandpa/Granddaughter bonding.

That's all for now!!

Becky

This is my accomplishment for the day. I'm not sure I like it. I'll know for sure when I wake up and take a look at it,

I consider this still Sunday because it's just 12:25PM so it should count as posting every day like I had wanted to start doing.

I had a very interesting day today. I was truely purely exhasted all day today. It's no wonder though. Friday I woke up with muscle spasms and took muscle relaxers a couple of times Friday to settle down those muscles. That, of course, made me sleepy. Then, Sunday I was very nauseated and vomited and had to take a phenergan suppository. Those make me sleepy too. So, I slept almost all day today. I got one layout done and I don't even like it. I will proably tear it apart and redo it. It is the one posted on top here!

Kaleb on his new bike!



Isabella enjoying her first taste of ice cream...and she LOVED it!! She cried when it was taken away.


Picture of Isabella on Labor Day of this year. She's getting so big all ready...and what a cutie!!

Well, here I am into day #2 of my new plan to post every day. I woke up this morning with muscle spasms so I took a muscle relaxer. It helped but put me right to sleep in the one chair that causes the muscle spasms so when I woke up the 2nd time today I had the spasms again so I took another muscle relaxer. Can you say tired:) That's what I am....tired!!

I did pretty well all morning and then around 11:00 I got real nauseated and it's now 3:00 and am stil nausated. I've finally resigned myself to the fact that this is going to be a lousy day!

Not much else to say because it's making me sicker to type.

Becky

I got a new puppy this week. It's the one below...a pink poodle:) It is a webkinz dog and I care for it online. I play games with other people like checkers, rock paper and scissors, etc. to earn points and then I can buy things for my puppy. I've enjoyed it so far. And it hasn't wet on my carpet yet at all!!




This is Caden and Grandpa Wayne wrestling. Grandpa had to call it quits before he got hurt...Caden LOVED it!!

This is Caden showing me his muscles. He thinks he's pretty big:)



I have made a new committment with myself to try to keep up on this blog better than I have in the last couple of months. It is so healing for me to write my feelings about my health and when I don't I suffer more depression.

I praise God for my pain doctor and that he prescribed a new medication for my feet. It keeps me almost 90% painfree in my feet. I still can't wear shoes without my feet burning but that is nothing compared with being in constant pain. I have read that the feet has more nerve endings than anywhere else in the body and I tend to really believe it!

The picture below was taken on Labor Day 2007. Labor Day this year was on Sept. 3rd which was Rhebeca's 9th birthday. We all got together in Culver by the lake to celebrate Rhebeca and Kael's birthday's. Beca, as I said, was 9 and Kael is 4 years old. I'm very thankful for their presence in my life. They both bring me so much joy!!


I haven't posted for a while because I have been plagued with depression...not bad but enough that I don't want to be negative on this blog. Every once in a while it hits me how disabled I really am. Our son was looking at a job in Oregon and it just crushed me. I knew I cannot fly and cannot sleep in a hotel bed. So, I would be unable to visit them. I had a hard time working myself out of that. I tried to explain to him how I felt but unless you experience my disabilities it's very hard to understand the confinement of them. Unless things change for me we will not be able to travel anymore. I have tried to be thankful for the amount of travel I've been able to do up to this point. Wayne and I were able to do a LOT of traveling in connection to the business. We really enjoyed the many places we were able to go and experience. I am trying to look back on memories and enjoy them and look forward with anticipation for a wonderful future with a family that loves each other.

Our granddaughter was upset about a week ago. One of the family members had said something that upset her. I told her that there are about 20 of us total in this family and there is no way that 20 people are going to agree with each other in any given moment. But, being a family we must overlook and forgive the shortcomings of the other person and continue on in love. That's what a family does!That's a paraphrase but I have thought about my own words of wisdom many times in the years of raising children and living in the same town as our parents. We are all so different but we have somehow managed to remain friends!

Our beautiful grandchildren summer 2007...more tomorrow

Photobucket Album

The book of colors below is something I made for the design team at the Memory Zone Scrapbook Store. Being on the design team has really stretched me as a scrapbook artist. I would never have tried to make a book like this unless asked to do so for the store. I really enjoyed it and will try others in the future.

This book will go to Isabella when I get it back. The store keeps it and displays it for 3 months and then gives it back to me.

I will want to decopauge the book before giving it to Bella because then nothing will peel off...it will have a protective coating over it.

I used photobucket to create this little slide show. It is free to use and there are a number of things you can create on there. To check it out go to here

Book of Colors

Jacob got a new bike for going potty in the toilet for several weeks.

What an exciting day! They took him to Toys R Us and he got to

test ride several bikes before he picked out this one.

Jacob on the 4th of July.

Tyler, Caden and their Daddy at an Indianapolis Colts game

today...Sunday, August 26th.

Isabella at 4 months enjoying a dilly bar. She thoroughly enjoyed eating a dilly bar.

She cried if her Mom took the dilly bar out of her mouth.

Walking in the pool usually helps the burning pain in my feet so Wayne drove me out to Swan Lake yesterday so I could get in their pool. I walked and walked and it changed the pain from maybe a 10 to a 4 or 5 which is a significant decrease so It's worth the effort of going to the pool!

I've said many times that if all I had to deal with was the back pain I would be in great shape. It's just all the added problems I've had since I have had the chronic back pain start. First of all I started having trouble with my feet. They started burning and swelling. I think they are actually 2 different problems. The burning is peripheral neuropathy and the swelling ended up being lymphedema. It took a long time to get those diagnosis and a lot of wrong diagnoses in the process. Life w/o these feet problems would be so different and s0 wonderful!

I just don't understand sometimes why one person has to be blessed with so many afflictions. I watch other people and don't see very many people with pain like mine...or feet that are so swollen they can't get any shoes on their feet. I usually can just accept my fate but I have my days when I question everything and today has been one of them:(

When I reach what I think is the end of my rope, God provides a way for me to cope. Of course I would rather not be like this but I'm thankful for little times of escape. I felt near the end of my rope tonight and Alan called and wondered if they could come over and have Kael open his birthday presents at our house. Seeing the grandkids got me totally away from thinking about myself and enjoying them instead. I'm thankful for those times of reprive (sp?)

Please excuse any typos in this...I kept falling asleep while typing and may have some real good typos!

This layout is the first of many that I am doing for my Aunt and Uncle to honor the memory of their daughter. I have to be real careful with these layouts because of the difference in colors of the ones I am doing that are from current pictures. These are from the 70's and have many of the 70's colors. I thought this paper fit the colors of the chair very well.

Sweet little Isabella sleeping so well. Nothing better than a sleeping baby:)

This was of Beca a couple of years ago. I needed to do a Halloween layout for the Memory Zone scrapbook store and remembered these pictures that were so cute!!

I have kind of forgotten about my blog lately. I have been SO tired lately for several reasons. First, I have been getting muscle spasms when I wake up in the mornings. If I sleep for 2 or more hours I wake up with horrible muscle spasms so I have to take 1...sometimes 2...muscle relaxers. That just knocks me out. I slep for several hurs then. I"m lucky if I can get 4 hours of sleep a night and for me, that just isn't enough. I spend the day falling asleep wherever I'm sitting...partially due to the muscle relaxers and partiallly due to lack of sleep.

I decided to call the doctor last week and ask for a sleeping pill. He prescribed Restoril. I took that several years ago until it just became ineffective. I took one pill Friday night and slept 6 hours. That is good but I also slept all day Saturday. So, last night (Saturday) I didn't take anything and I slept pretty good. Only thing that kept waking me up was burning in both of my feet. I should have walked in the pool yesterday. That helps better than any medicine I could take to releive the burning in my feet. Oh, how thankful I am to have found somethng to help that burning in my feet. When I have that burning it just feels like they are on fire!!

This is a box that I did for the design team. There is a real neat set of rulers and arcs and a dvd that teaches you how to make everything. There are boxes like this, circle boxes, envelopes, pillow boxes, etc. And, it makes all kinds of sizes. Somebosy had a pretty good idea!

This is another project for the design team. I had to use this z0o paper and since I didn't have any good zoo pictures I decided to go with a little different idea.The poem on the other page is the theme for both pages.

There has not been a lot happening since my last post. Only this...I've been waking up with muscle spasms in my lower back every morning. They are very strong ones that about knock me to the ground. I then have to take muscle relaxers and those put me to sleep till at least noon. It takes me another few hours to wake up and then it's time to fix supper or run and errand and the day is over. I keep thinking about the letter I got from disability saying I should be able to hold down a job...no way!!! Here is is 1:30 and I'm having trouble typing this post...I keep falling asleep. I have no idea why I've started having muscle spasms. The only thing I can figure out is that since I have gotten the hospital bed I can sleep longer periods of time and I don't move while in bed sleeping so that causes those muscles to spasm when I wake up.

I went in to my family doctor this afternon. I have had a finger that has been swollen for about 6 weeks. The middle joint is very swollen and painful. He confirmed what I was thinking...it's probably rheumatoid arthritis Right before he came in the room I told Wayne to feel how dry my elbow was and as he did he said...you have a lump there. It isn't real big but it's real hard so that rules out a fatty tumor.

I was so glad he found that lump because I showed the doctor that lump and believe it or not he thinks it's related to my swollen finger. Evidently rheumatoid arthritis has nodules like that on the body at spots.

I have had a real hard time with this today. I really thought we had ruled out the rheumatoid arthritis when they diagnosed me with the lymphadema. I just wonder sometimes if it will ever end. I would love to go back and have just the back pain...I would be in pretty good shape if it were so!! The following are the symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis....I have the low-grade fever, fatigue, prolonged morning stiffness but not the other symptoms. Anyway, I have to go see my rheumatologist...I kinda dropped her a year ago because I didn't think she knew what she was talking about and didn't want to have a MRI of my feet. Hopefully she won't be mad at me...if she is I'll find someone else I guess.

The following are the most common symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis:
constant or recurring pain or tenderness in joints
stiffness and difficulty using or moving a joints normally
swelling in and around multiple joints
warmth and redness in a joint
difficulty in performing daily tasks
arthritis in large and small joints in a more or less symmetrical pattern on both sides of the body
weight loss
low-grade fever
fatigue
prolonged morning stiffness (over 30 minutes)

I have been just miserable the last few days. My feet are my biggest complaint. My toes are red and swollen and constantly burn and feel like pins and needles. Yesterady I got so frustrated with my toes that I felt like taking my new knife and chopping them off. I got a new shiatsu knife this week. Rachel Ray sells the knife she uses on her cooking show so I bought that knife with some credit I had at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I'm just joking about chopping off my toes but the thought did cross my mind a couple times yesteray. I know it would be worse really:)

Katie, Steve and the boys are on their way to Memphis. Katie, Tyler & Caden will stay with Kristi, Eric and Jacob and Steve will fly to Florida to go shark fishing with his brother and Dad. The kids are so excited about getting together. It makes me feel so good that they are such good friends. These friendships could be lifetime friends. Kristi said Jacob kept going to look out the window for them yesterday. I'm sure Tyler and Caden will feel like they'll never get there since it's a 10 hour drive. That's a long time for little boys. We are watching Bell, their dog for the week but will miss having them around.

My Mom will take me swimming today and I am hoping that it will help my toes. I don't know why I can't get the pain under control. I wrap and wrap them and take pain medicine and nothing seems to touch it.Because of busy schedules I haven't been able to go swimming lately and I think it was really help ing with my feet so I hope if I start to go again the pain will let up. It is just all consuming ...that's the pain that is and I can't stand to think of the rest of my life like this.

I went to have coffee with my 2 aunts (one from California and one from Florida) and my Uncle (from CA) on Tuesday. I really enjoyed being with them and they were genuinely interested in knowing what my life was like with my physical limitations. I usually keep my feelings about what I go through buried deep and don't let myself dwell on it. After telling them about everything I was really low the rest of the day. I actually shocked myself with everything I am going through. It's nice to have people that love me and I know really care about my life. I told my Aunt Marcia when I got home that I was feeling sorry for myself and I guess once in a while it's all right to feel that way as long as I can pull myself out of that and keep struggleing on for my quest for better health.

My cousin..daughter of my Aunt & Uncle... passed away in a car crash when she was 16. My Aunt is here visiting from California and brought pictures of Sonia because I had offered to do an album honoring her life. I went through them today and feel the feelings all over again of how tragic the loss of her life was. She was such a beautiful girl with so much potential but I have to believe that her life had served its purpose and God was ready to have her home with him. It's been about 23 years since her passing (correct me if I'm wrong, Marcia) and the influence of her life still feels as strong as it did those 23 years ago. She will live on in the hearts and lives of those who loved her forever. I want this album to be a celebration of her life and pray that I am up to the task.