Tyler's kindergarten picture. I just love those freckles. I used to hate my freckles so I keep telling him how cute they are so hopefully he'll believe it:)

There are a lot of colds going around here that just seem to hang on for weeks and weeks. Tyler, Caden and Katie have all had it and I've been surprised that I hadn't got it yet. Well, I got it!!! Starting last night I was chilling and aching all over. This morning when I woke up I couldn't breathe and felt like a truck had run over me. I always tease Wayne when I feel like that and ask him not to run over me with his truck at night:)

The rheumatologist's office called today and talked to Wayne...not sure why??...maybe it was call waiting. Anyway, my liver enzymes are elevated so they are going to want to cut me back on the medicine. I guess it's good/bad news. I think the medicine has helped some and cutting back might bring back all the joint pain but I can't sacrifice my liver for that!! I am supposed to call them tomorrow...by the time I called tonight they had all ready left the office.

Katie told me a cute story about Tyler. Tyler brought home a paper explaining a wrestling program for kids K-6th grades. She explained that he enjoyed wrestling with Daddy on the floor...would you like to join a group at school that will teach you how to wrestle. He said .."Oh no, that would be too dangerous!" Smart little guy there if you ask me.

Alan took Rhebeca and a friend to the haunted house last night. She has talked about going to the haunted house now for 2 weeks. I even went over it with her that they wouldn't touch her...they might scare her but wouldn't touch her. She thought they would grab her and take her to another place but I told her I was sure they couldn't do something like that. The 3 of them got there and Alan asked one more time..."Are you sure you want to go into the haunted house? Won't you be too scared?" She assured him she'd go. He bought the tickets...I think they were $8-$10 a piece (I'm not the best listener:). They got to the haunted house and she wouldn't budge. Instead now she wanted to go in the maze. He bought tickets for the maze...after making sure she would go on this now and not change her mind...he bought the tickets and guess what? She got too scared to go into the maze too. Alan said he dropped $ 40 for nothing last night. He said he had to keep reminding himself that she's just 8 years old. She seems older at times because she's so tall but inside she's still a little girl. I can't say I blame her at all for being scared...I doubt that I'd be able to go through the haunted house either...I'd be to scared!! Beca, if you're reading this I think you're the greatest and there's nothing wrong with being scared of something:)

I heard some news tonight that is really sad. When Alan was in nursery school (3 years old) the teacher asked me if I would pick up one of the children whose mother didn't have a car. She would pay me $3 a week to take him to school and back home. I agreed and got to know the family quite well. The mother was from Japan. She was such a sweet person. We would take turns having the boys over to play at each others houses. It just so happened that they had a daughter a year younger than Kristi and they became good friends too. Well, I heard tonight that the mother comitted suicide on Thursday of last week. She had been in chronic pain with ataxia. The way I understand ataxia is that it is a degeneration of the central nervouse system. It affects balance, the hands and even the ability to swallow food. It also affects the spinal cord and the cerebellum in the brain. It sounds like a horrible disease. I'm so sorry she felt so miserable as to end her life although...I can say that I totally understand her desperation. If it hadn't been for this pain pump I might have felt like doing the same thing myself. It is so hard and hard isn't even a strong enough word to live in constant pain. I still have pain but I can get relief from it by changing positions and sitting in a comfortable chair. She was a beautiful woman inside and out and I'm sure she will be greatly missed by her family.

Caden and Tyler recently had their first visit to the pediatric dentist, Dr. Johns. He is the same dentist I took their Mommy to when she was a little girl. What amazed me most about these pictures is how much Dr. Johns has aged. It's probably been about 20 years since I saw him. I don't think I've changed at all...(ha ha!!) but he sure has. Caden had his teeth counted and Tyler had his teeth cleaned.

This is our daughter, Kristi, and her son Jacob. They went on a hayride with the MOPS group. And, in the next picture is Jacob petting the pony. Kristi said he kept running back to pet the pony. Maybe he has that love of horses in his genes. I know I sure love and loved horses. When I was a young girl I would go to sleep at night just dreaming of how much fun it would be to have a horse. When I was about 10 my grandparents bought me a horse. They got it at an auction and it must have been drugged. It was so quiet when I rode it there at the auction and was terrible when we got home. It would try to rub me off on the fence and just plain acted nasty but I didn't care...I had a horse. Jacob's Mommy sure loved horses too:)
Yesterday was a very rough day. I went into withdrawal from changing the medication in my pump. Being a Saturday the doctor's office was closed but I got an after hours number and called it and was shocked...the doctor called me back in less than 5 minutes. That happened when I had the pump implaned and had a few problems. That was Thanksgiving weekend and they also returned the call right away during that busy holiday weekend.

I am doing a little bit better today. No more withdrawals. Now I have to figure out if this is handling my pain adequately. If not, they said to come back in and they would increase the medicine some. My main complaint today has been my feet. I can go for weeks with no problems at all and then all of a sudden they are burning like crazy. I just hope it doesn't last long. I have used the anodyne treatment 3 times today and will do it one more time before I go to sleep.

Tyler came over here last Monday for a while. We were asking him about his trip that he took to Aunt Kristi , Uncle Eric and Jacob's house and then they went on to West Virginia to visit a vending broker. Wayne and I have been there before and told Tyler we had been there. He asked right away..."Did you see that dead deer?" We both thought that was so cute but didn't let him know we were a little bit amused. Wayne explained to him that the deer he saw dead probably wasn't even born about 5 years ago. He understood...he's a very bright little guy and catches on to things that are way past his 5 years.

Rhebeca called last week to let us know she got a part in her Christmas program. She will be singing with a small group!! I can't wait to go watch. I'll be there whether I'm having a good day or not. I missed the talent show last year because I was having the pump implanted. I didn't want to miss it but I had a deadline...the doctor's office was no longer going to accept Anthem insurance as of Dec 1st and my surgery date was Nov. 17th!

Yesterday was my pump refill. I have to have it filled about every 6-7 weeks. They always give me an option of a date close to running low or a little earlier. I always pick the earlier date. Anyway, I've had enough refills now that I know they don't hurt and it's just something that has to be done. During my visit for the last pump refill I had talked to the doctor and together we decided that this time we would try a different medication in the pump. I went from morphine to dilaudid. Dilaudid is the strongest of all the opiate pain killers. We are hoping it will help with my ability to stand in one place and in walking. I think they said it will take like 26 1/2 hours for the new medicine to start taking effect. The old med has to work its way through the catheter.

I had a new nurse help with the refill yesterday and they told me she is best at changing the medication. The pump has to be cleared of the old medicine and washed twice with saline solution. She told me she likes to stick a person with the needle only once. So, she actually grabbed onto the pump through my skin and ran her fingers around it to find the catheter port. It didn't really hurt at the time because she had given me a local anesthetic in the area. When I got home I kept having this nagging burning at the pump site. I was worried it might be starting to become infeted. Well I looked at it and it's completely black and blue where the pump is and around the surrounding area. It hurt so bad last night that I had trouble sleeping!

I couldn't figure out why the skin around the pump hurt so bad last night. I was getting dressed a while ago and noticed that all along the pump site the skin is blistered, puple and spots of red irritation. I love my doctor's office and think they're the best but everyone can make a mistake. I weill be letting them know on Monday what happened so the same nurse doesn't do that to someeone else.

About 24 hours to the dot from the time they refilled the pump I started to get sick. I had diahrrea, stomach cramps, a headcache and sweating profusely. I called the after hours number for the clinic and told them I needed to talk to the doctor on call. He called me back within 5 minutes. They are so good at getting back with you when there is a problem. Anyway, he talked to me and I explained my symptoms. He said it most likely is withdrawals. Most people don't have a problem but occasionaly someone does...and I do! I'll type more later...getting sick to my stomach again.

I had my repeat mammogram done on Thursday. The radiologist read the x-ray while I waited. He said that there is a mass of tissue but it doesn't look like anything to worry about. Just to be ont he safe side he wants me back in 6 months to see if there's been any change.

I had my eyes checked on Wednesday. I have always gone to the South Bend Clinic but decided to try to find someone in our home town. I looked in the yellow pages and found a clinic associated with one in South Bend that has several optometrists and also several opthomologists on their staff. I went in for my exam o Wednesday of this week and found out I have a little too much pressure in the eye...a sign of glaucoma. It is not enough to treat at this point and they dilated my eyes and looked at the optic nerve and everything else in my eye looks fine!

Check back laster today. I will be adding some pictures!!

Steve and Katie and the boys left Memphis today and are headed for West Virginia. It's a good thing that they're young and can do things that older people wouldn't dream of trying. The last thing Wayne and I tried like that was to drive straight through to Denver, Colorado, ski for 2-21/2 days and drive sraight home. It would have been an 18 hour drive home but it turned into an ice storm and it took more like 30 hours to get home. I can still remember how exhausted I was when we finally got home.

I talked to Kristi after they left and she hated to see them go. She said the kids had such a good time together. Caden and Jacob called each other baby. I'm surprised that Caden would let Jacob call him baby w/o correcing him because if we do he says..."I not baby, I big boy!"

I had a decent day today. I didn't do much except get some groceries and some more dog food so we won't run out before Belle goes home:)

Tyler, Halloween 2005
Tyler had a hard time deciding what he wanted to be last year and finally decided on a race car driver...without the hat. He is so shy when his school did programs that he wouldn't talk or sing so it would only fit that he wouldn't want to wear something outrageous or attention-getting for Halloween.

I am still having trouble with scanning and getting the whole page on the scanner. I cut off the bottom page today and the top of the page yesterday but at least you can get the idea of the layout.

Our son saw the neurologist this week regarding his low back problems. The doctor told him about a new procedure called x-stop. It is a very simple surgery and is done with local anesthetic. It widens the area where the disc is and holds it in place with this little titanium piece of metal. It is reversible unlike a fusion. He sees another surgeon on Monday for another opinion on it. I am excited because it sounds like something that might help my pain some. I have an appointment with the surgeon at the end of November. I would probably still need the morphine pump but maybe it could help me to stand and walk a little more.

While I am still trying to digest and accept the news about the rheumatoid arthritis I get another blow today. I got a letter from the hospital that did my mammogram that said they saw something suspicious and want to do a repeat on one side. That was the last bit of news I needed to hear. I just feel numb tonight. Hopefully it's nothing but my mind can't help but think of the other scenario also. I don't know if I'd even be strong enough to withstand chemotherapy. I guess I will cross that bridge when it comes. Until then I just really feeling down. I get the mammogram done on Thursday.

I keep our appointments on post-it notes and put them on top of the desk where the computer is. It is starting to get pretty full up there with all my appointments.

The next big thing is getting a blood test to see what...if anything ...the methotrexate (for the rheumatoid arthritis) is doing to me. They especially check kidney and liver function. I sure hope that comes out normal!!

My latest scrapbook project
For some reason the scanner cut off the top of my layout...there really is a top to the letters that say..."AT THE":) I am just begining to scrapbook last years fall/halloween pictures. Just in time to work on another set this year! Hopefully I'll have another layout to post tomorrow.

Katie, Steve, Tyler and Caden drove 10 hours to see Eric, Kristi & Jacob yesterday. They made it there about 2:00 am. Kristi called this morning to make sure I knew they got there safe cause being the "old grandma" that I am I was worried the one driving might fall asleep that time of day. Kristi said that Steve and Katie went right to sleep....but a little while later she started to hear noises. Then she heard Tyler say..."Caden, we need to find a flashlight." Kristi got up and saw that Tyler and Caden were playing with the toys. She told them where to play so they wouldn't wake up Eric (who had to work the next day) or Jacob (who, because he's a little guy needs his rest:) When Kristi got up this morning she said it looked like they got out every single toy...must have looked exciting to them. She said Tyler only got about a half hours sleep last night...he was just so excited to be there. This morning he was building train tracks and block creations for Jacob. Kristi said Jacob would try to do the same thing as Tyler so maybe he'll learn a little bit about building in the next few days!!

I don't even have to look out the window when I wake up to know that it's damp outside. I have been in more pain than usual today and that's the reason why. It's damp and rainy and even with heat and air conditioning I can feel the humidity. I'm probably more accurae than the doppler radar the news is always talking about.

The following 3 pictures are of Rhebeca and Kael at their 8th and 3rd birthdays. Kael was the first one to start eating like a little puppy dog and get his face all messy and Rhebeca followed right along. She just had a tiny bit of frosting on her face when her Mom said..."Beca, look at that flower on your cake." She looked and her Mom pushed her face into the cake. For just a split second she looked like she was going to get upset with her Mom and then was a good sport and started laughing. All of us watching got a real show!

I am still not feeling very verbal about my life and what is happening. Wayne and I had an experience a few afternoons ago that was hopefully healing for both of us. He was questioning me as to why I push myself so hard to spend time with and be with our Grandchildren. He thinks it would be better for me to do more resting. Anyway, I told him what had been in the back of my mind but hadn't verbalized yet. I am afraid I won't have too many more months or years where I can play with them or have them over. I want them to remember me for having a good time and fun when they come to see me....I don't want to them to see a Grandma that is always in pain and always in bed/not feeling well. We both sobbed for the longest time when I told him I'm worried that my time for being active is very limited. We can both see how much I have failed in the last two years. If I continue at that rate I don't know how much more I can push myself. I am sorry to be so down and depressing. These are the things I'm dealing with. I do hold in the back of my mind the fact that the rheumatologist said I need to be patient with her...she can get me feeling better but it will take a while. That is the hope I hold onto when I get the feelings of doubt.

I wanted to post pictures of the birthday party for Wayne and Eutemia from yesterday but I can't seem to be able to upload any more pictures tonight. I guess the rest of the pictures will come later!!

Tyler and Caden playing football with their Dad. In the next 3 pictures are Tyler and Caden enjoying a beautiful fall day!

Caden enjoys coming over to our house now and I can get along all right watching him now for a couple of hours. His two favorite toys when he comes here are this doll house and train track. The funny thing is that he played with it the first time on this "day bed" and now he thinks he has to play with it there everytime he comes here.

Kael is holding up three fingers because I asked him how old he is. Three

is a hard number for little ones to hold up their fingers but it looks like he's

figured out an easier way to do it rather than the traditional way. This pictures

was taken after Rhebeca's soccer game last Friday. We went out to eat at

Chick Fil-A after the soccer game mostly because they have a big play area for Kael.

He wanted to head right for the play area as soon as we walked in the door. We

picked out a table that faced the play area so we could keep an eye on him. Wayne and

I sat facing the play area and I kept a close eye watching to make sure he didn't

My latest layout done at 3AM Thursday morning It's one of the favorites of my layouts that I've done lately. Picture is of Eutemia and Kaleb.

Kaleb in Mickey Mouse sunglasses

These glasses originally were Tyler's glasses. I remember him wearing them. They were bought from Katie's garage sale and now will pass down a couple more times!

Kaleb was trying to get a soccer ball but couldn't quite figure out how to get in there:)

Kael in the Mickey Mouse sunglasses

I haven't posted for quite some time. I am still depressed over dealing with being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I thought that maybe after a couple of weeks I would begin to feel better about it but I just don't yet. While it's good to have a diagnosis it's not so good knowing what it is!

A couple of cute grandkid stories. I was talking to Kristi on the phone last week and she stopped talking for a little bit and said..."Jacob, I told you not to eat those tractor tires". Like the saying goes..."Your sins will find you out." While changing his diaper...there were the wheels:) I asked her if she was going to recycle and all she said was..."Gross"!! I think it meant no!!

Katie took me to the store yesterday. Tyler was riding on my cart with me (the electric wheelchair) and while we were in the checkout line he saw a little girl from his school. He started saying ..."Oh no!, oh no!!" I asked him what was wrong and he said there's a girl from my school. She was in the line next to ours and she was standing there looking at her. I told him to say hi and he fell into a heap on the bottom of the cart and said..." I can't!" His face turned beet red. I was really surprised he was so embarassed over this little girl. She was so cute and just kept smiling at me like she understood Tyler's problem. He wouldn't even tell me or his Mom what her name is.

Tyler visiting me during the day last week.

I get kind of lonely during the week . I get especially lonely on the days
that Wayne works a 15 hour day. He does that 2-3 days a week. I love
having Tyler come over for the afternoon on those days to keep me company.
Caden is a little young for me to watch for very long yet but his day will come:)

Caden having lunch here while his Mom went to the doctor!!

Wayne and I were fortunate to be able to attend Rhebeca's soccer game
last Friday evening. We enjoyed watching that healthy little body run
from one end to the other. I makes for a thirsty little girl:)
As you can see, my camera does a bad job with red eye. The flash
is too close to the lens. I usually doctor them up but didn't get this one
done yet.

My latest scrapbook project has been scrapbooking Jacob's 1st birthday.
He turned 2 in September so I'm somewhat behind but I keep plodding away.
He loved his cake and didn't seem to mind one bit that it was all over his face and hands.
You can't really tell by these layouts but they are 9x9 instead of my normal 12x12.
I thought maybe it would be nice to do a few of the kids books in this size. You can
still "doctor" the pages up about as much as the 12x12.

I sold a lot of my old scrapbook items this year when our local scrapbook
store had their annual "garage sale". I earned enough to buy a machine
called the "cricut". There are several different programs to buy but the
one that came with the machine is very good. It has all the basic shapes along
with the uppercase, lowercase and numbers on it. When printing it out you can choose
from 1 inch to 5 1/2 inches. The letters "All Gone" were made using the machines along
with the photo corners and the circles underneath the picture!

Young Love!

Anyone recognize this young couple? It's Wayne and I on our wedding day
just a few years ago!

Tyler and Santa in 2001
Tyler doesn't care a whole lot for Santa
when he was just a year old. The strips of paper are
on a white sheet of cardstock which doesn't show up in
the scan. It looks better in person than it does here.

Today was a very rough day for me. Mostly emotionally more than physically. I have been so depressed since seeing the rheumatologist and I'm just having a really hard time working through having the rheumatoid arthritis. I try to keep busy so I can't let my mind wander but it doesn't always work.

I took a class at the scrapbook store tonight and wouldn't you know it but the lady sitting next to me is on disability for her low back pain. I enjoyed hearing her stories and learning about what it was like for her in getting the disability. She did get one lump sum check for the 3-5 years before that plus a small amount

Our granddaughter was in a car accident a little more than 3 years ago. The car was totaled but thank goodness she and her Mommy were all right although Rhebeca's window shattered and Rhebeca had to have her forehead and under her chin stitched up. Yesterday, Alan saw a dark kind of blackish mark under Rhebeca's chin. Upon closer look...it was a piece of glass working its way out of her body. After THREE years! What a surprise. Her Mommy took her to the doctor today and Rhebeca threw a fit so they couldn't take it out in the office. She will have to be anesthesized on Oct. 23rd and they will remove it then.

I finally found out why I feel the way I do. I went to see the rheumat0logist yesterday afternoon and she said after looking at all the tests that came back and asking me my symptoms she feels that I have rheumatoid arthritis. I had really mixed feelings when she told me. I know there are some really good treatments and medications for rheumatoid but I also know what a crippling disease it can be. I felt like I could cry and felt so relieved at the same time that maybe someone was going to help me.

I have thought about the symptoms and think they started about 4 years ago. The symptoms started in my feet and at first I went to a foot doctor who diagnosed it as plantar faciitis. He gave me injections into the bottom of my feet that were the most painful shot I've ever gotten...the blood was dripping on the floor as he was giving the shot. Anyway, then my toes seemed to be the worst and they were burning so badly. Then, with that new bit of symptoms my family doctor said it was neuropathy. I have been treating them for neuropahty and it helps some but it just didn't fit why my knees were starting to hurt and my hands were hurting. It's gotten so I can't even open a jar. So, with a diagnosis that made sense and fit the symptoms I felt good that I was going to get some help...felt sad that I had to deal with another illness. I have been pretty depressed today...I feel so hopeless. I am just hoping that it's a process I will have to go through to accept this.

How to win over and make your in-laws like you:) Eric's father is visiting Eric & Kristi & Jacob this weekend. Jacob talks to me a lot of the phone and he has recently gotten birthday gifts in the mail from Grandma Becky and Grandpa Wayne. I guess he likes my name or doesn't even associate it with me...anyway, Jacob is calling Grandpa John by the name of......you guessed it!!....Grandma Becky. I hope John doesn't get upset about it. It's just a little guy trying to figure out this big wide world!!

Caden and Tyler having lunch at my house
I talked to Katie yesterday late morning and she mentioned she
was going to WalMart. I needed to go but didn't feel sharp enough to
drive so she said she'd pick me up. The boys were both hungry so
I said I'd fix them somthing. When they got here they thought they'd
like a lunchable. Caden doesn't get to come here as often as Tyler and
he was so thrilled to get to eat lunch here. Take a notice that Tyler had
to build a tower with his crackers, cheese and turkey. Of course, he couldn't
get his mouth around it but it was fun building it:) I might have a better
picture of Caden but it will have to wait till I get back from the doctor. The one I
am seeing made it known to me the first appointment that she runs on time...and she does.
I just sat down in the room and she walked in. So, I know I need to be on time but I also
know I won't sit there waiting on her all afternoon!!

I haven't posted for a while. It's been quite a rough week for me physically. I didn't sleep except for about an hour both Monday and Tuesday nights so I have been exhausted. Last nignt I took 2 tylenol pm's and wow!! did I ever sleep well. I am having trouble waking up this morning...still have that drugged out feeling and it's really hard to fight.

All the swelling is back with my feet and ankles being the worst. I also experienced withdrawal trying to get off the Avinza. I called the doctor's office about it Tuesday morning and again yesterday (Wednesday) afternoon and still no reply. The receptionist that answered acted rather surprised he hadn't gotten back with me yet. I talked to the pharmacist about how I had been feeling over the weekend and she said it sounds like some withdrawals to her...flu-like symptoms and diarrhea (sp??).

I have an appointment with the rheumatologist today and I'm really thankful that I'm swollen so I can show her what happens in the process. Last time I saw her I had no swelling at all and very little pain so this time will be a more accurate picture of what I am like on a day to day basis.

I have posted the layout I did yesterday. I'm still way far behind but try to keep plodding along. In the race between the tortoise and the hare...didn't the tortoise end up winning while the hare fizzled out by going at it too strong to begin with? I will have to reread that store, I guess:) tha

No new craft pictures tonight and it's all Rhebeca's fault...ha ha!!! She called me this morning and was playing Roller Coaster Tycoon on her computer...and I had just put it on my computer because she wanted to play it when she came here. She talked me through getting started and I was hooked. I tried not to ignore Wayne but I could have played that game all day...it's really adicting:)

I'm not sure about this change in the pump....I started having muscle spasms today. At first when I was sitting I couldn't figure out why my tailbone felt so funny and then when I stood up I knew the familiar feeling...the feeling where you feel like you'll fall to the ground because of the spasm. I have not had a spasm until today since my low back surgery in 1998. I took a muscle relaxer and it went away but it was a little scary to have this new symptom show up.

I was a little more awake today. I have been so sleepy ever since they gave me the bolus in the office on Friday. I'm happy to be a little more awake...not so happy for the spasm:)

That's my day. I cooked supper tonight and did pretty well if I kept sitting down when I could.
I saw someone eating bacon and eggs on TV and it looked so good to me I fixed them for Wayne and me both!!

Another week comes to a close and another week that has been filled with pain and disappointment. I try to stay positive but after a week like this last one it can become pretty hard. I had a pump refill today and when they check me in to the hospital they always have to take a complete history of medications and any changes and what abilities I have/don't have. I think the last three times when it came to what I can do around the house I am reduced to tears. I want so badly to pull my own weight but it's just too painful to do the work of a "normal" person.

I asked the doctor today if my dosage is high/middle or low. I just had no idea where I was at. He said it is not low and not real high but it is a good dose and probably an average one. He said that sometimes it can help a patient to switch medications for a while and then go back to the morphine. We decided that next refill they will use dilaudid in the pump in place of morphine. I think it is a good idea. I have been taking morphine orally and now intrathecally for several years. Maybe with a little break from it the dose will be more effective when we change back.

I think I will go in reverse this time and start with the pump refill. I am still seeing Dr. Beatty and my doctor, Dr. Grove, is still serving his time in the service stationed in Germany. We asked if Dr. Beatty hears much from my doctor and he told us that he had just called to tell them he completed a 55k. walk. It has become a big thing in Germany to do these long walks instead of the running. I think he said 55k is around 30 miles. Dr. Grove doesn't have a car over there and had to walk a mile to the "walk" and a mile home but he completed his course and got his mug and was proud of his mug. He has seen lots of castles and has really enjoyed the scenery. He really wants his wife to join him for a week or so and show her around the country. Is it the "Rhine"??? River that goes through Germany? If that's the name he is living somewhere close to that river. I asked if the work was difficult and he said every time he's talked to Dr. Grove he's never brought up the work.

I saw the rheumatologist on Thursday and she is testing me for rheumatoid arthritis. She said if it isn't rheumatoid it is probably osteoarthritis that is afflicting my joints. I had some blood work done and xrays of my hands and knees.

I told the pain clinic of all the extra pain I've had with the pain in my joints and told them I didn't think the morphine I take orally is doing anyting for me. I said I would really rather have the vicodin for bad days. I also told them that I wanted a bolus in the morning. A bolus is a little extra medicine at a certain time of day. They gave me a 1 mg. bolus when they refilled the pump and then programmed the pump for a bolus every morning.

I had the vicodin filled on the way home so I could take two and maybe it would help me. Between the bolus and the vicodin I have pretty much been out of it the rest of the day. I tried to watch TV with Wayne and kept falling asleep no matter how hard I tried to stay awake. I just hope that they programmed the pump right...they had to call the company to figure out how to do a complex program...that's what it's called...not that it's that difficult to do. If I continue to be this sleepy I think I will have to call the doctor's office and see what's going on. I have taken this much vicodin before and it hasn't made me sleepy at all.

The good news is that the pain is gone...bad news I can't stay awake to enjoy it:)

When Tyler was here last time he was in rare form. He said the funniest things and I wrote some of them down because I knew I'd never remember them. He was playing a computer game (or as he calls it a puter game) and when he'd have trouble with the game...like his guy getting killed he would say "that's a cow full of bacon" and another one was "I'll be sitting on an old cabin log" and the 3rd one I remember (or wrote down) is "who let the pirana's out"? I think he knew he was funny because he kept laughing when he said them....of course I laughed too and it kept the comments coming!!

Rhebeca...if you read this I am so sorry I couldn't make it to your soccer game today. I was really hoping I could make it but after my doctor's appointment I was just too out of it and tired that i couldn't see how I could make it. I never want to disappoint any of our grandchildren like this but that is the reality of not being well. There are just days where the pain is too great or I'm too out of it to either have them come over here or go to their activity. Believe me, I'm there in my heart and throughts:)

I am still in the card making business. I might be in competition with hallmark before long:) I have closed with 4 of the cards I've made this week. I'm itching to scrapbook again but while I have all the card stuff out I will probably continue making those until the supplies dwindle down.

Like mother/like son:)
Isn't it wonderful to live long enough to see your kids get a taste
of their own medicine. Kristi is seeing that a lot in Jacob. I really though,
and honestly now, think that is such an advantage because Kristi
understands Jacob so well. Kristi loved to climb and would climb
even before she could walk. Walking just gave her higher places
to climb:) And, now here is Jacob acting just like her:) Genetics is
an amazing thing.

I have been sick all week with what must have been a virus. I had no energy and felt just lousy and would run a fever every night. This is the first day I'm starting to have a little more energy.

A couple of things happened with our family this week. With a growing family...from the original two of us...Wayne and I...we now have 14 and the new baby will be 15. So, with that many people there is usually something going on.

Eutemia went to her obstetrician on Friday and he said she was dehydrated and hospitalized her. She spent 2 nights in the hospital and is headed home today (Sunday). She's so tiny to begin with that it probably doesn't take much for her body to dehydrate and she sure can't stand to lose too much weight:) I'd be happy to give her some!!

Katie called last night to tell us she just got back from the emergency room. She got stung by a bee and got hives all over and began to swell up. She will now have to carry an epi (sp?) with her in case of a sting. She was so sleepy from the medicine they gave her that we didn't talk long. She couldn't wait to get to sleep. I bet if Caden woke up and ran trains on her face last night like he does some nights she didn't even notice!

As I said in the blog post last time the endocronologist increased the thyroid. I was on .175 mcg and she was going to increase me to .200 mcg but asked me if I took it with other pills or on an empty stomach and I said I took it on a full stomach with other pills so she wants me to try .188mcg first and see if that helps. She said taking it on an empty stomach w/o taking it with my other medicines could increase it double. I am noticing a difference all ready. I have been plagued with swollen feet and ankles for several years. I started going to a foot doctor and he said it was plantar faciitis and had me wear orthotics. I went numerous times to my general practitioner, a couple times to his partners because he was busy and kept mentioning the swelling. I think they were stumped. They had me check with the pain doctor to see if the pump could be causing it and he said he doubted it. Well, the swelling is completely gone and the increase in thyroid is the only thing that has changed. The swelling could come back but I'm feeling so much better with this swelling gone. My feet and ankles were the worst but my entire body was retaining fluid. I can tell it's lifted from my entire body...yeah!!!!!

Here are the symptoms of low thyroid better known as hypothyroidism: fatigue, weight gain, low motivation and ambition, heat and/or cold intolerance, headaches and migraines, dry skin and hair, irritability, anxiety and panic attacks, hair loss, fluid retention, depression, decreased memory and concentration, unhealthy nails, brittle nails, constipation, irritable bowel syndrome, low sex drive, insomnia, hives, asthma, allergies, slow healing, acne, or capal tunnel syndrome. This lists 25 symptoms and I had 20 of the 25 symptoms. I am so hoping that this will help me feel better and have more energy. The doctor's sometimes have been too quick to blame it on the pump because I think they were stumped. The reason they didn't increase the thyroid is that the test had me in the normal range but I was "low" normal and the endocronologist said there was room to work with when it's low/normal. She also did a T3 and if that's low like she suspects she will add another thyroid medication.

That's my news for today....hopefully there will be no more big family news. Those phone calls can be pretty frightening:)

I am finally beginning to feel a little better after catching a "bug" from Tyler. This is the first day that I didn't have a fever.

Dr. Stillson, my general practitioner, called me Tuesday and again Wednesday about my lab work that I had done on Monday. It really scared me when he called Tuesday because that's his day off. Everything was pretty good...I don't have lupus, my liver function is fine (thank goodness after all the meds), the inflamation showed that it is up...not a big surprise, the thyroid was in normal range and the sugar was high and my hormones are normal which means I am not menopausal yet. That's all I can remember for now...wish I could have recorded it because I forget some things.

Then he called yesterday to tell me another result had come back...my sugar is high and I am borderline diabetic. He is sending me a diet to follow to see if we can get it back within normal range.

I just got back from the endocronologist today. She is so hard to get into see so I was glad to finally get in to see her. She said that while the thyroid is within normal range it was within the low of normal so she is going to increase my thyroid...slowly. She also took a T3 thyroid test which wasn't done on Monday. She said she expects it to be low because when someone is not well and has a lot of pain it is usually low. If it is low she will add another thyroid medicine. She said that I had gained 30 pounds since I saw her 2 years ago. She thinks the thyroid could be a contributing factor. With the increase in medicine and going on a diabetic diet I am hoping to lose some weight!!!

Not much else new here....that's it for my exciting life:)

Jacob at 2 years old

Kristi decided to try to do Jacob's 2 year old pictures
herself instead of taking him to a photographer. She
took him to the Collierville town square and took several
shots. Below are some of the outcomes. I think she had
a great idea and they turned out very good!!

Jacob is watching a train go by. Looks like he's pretty impressed:)

It's been a real struggle for Kristi & Eric since Jacob has learned how
to crawl out of his bed. Kristi says she never knows where she'll find him
sleeping. Many times he goes out to the couch and falls asleep. This is how
she found him one morning recently. (Looks like Grandma Becky when I
try to read a book)

This is my favorite shot that she took. I will probably crop it a little
more and print it out to put in a frame for his 2 year old picture.

I went to see my general practioner yesterday because of the new pain I've been having in my joints. He described it as poly-arthritis.....which Kristi told me poly means many. He did some blood work to check thyroid, hormone levels and I believe a test to see if I have rhuematoid arthritis. Not sure of the spelling but it should be close. That is the last thing I need:( I did some reading about it and it could also be lupus which I have suspected for quite some time. I should know within a few days. He explained so well how I am and how I feel that is so hard to describe to people. He said I live right on the edge...and when the least little thing attacks m (like Tyler's bug) I fall off the edge and get sick. I have no ability to fight things off.

Yesterday I had an impacted bowel and it is one of the most painful things a person can have. I managed to get things moving but not without causing some damage to the hemorroids so today I am living with those consequences. When I was 16 I had to have my hemorroids out and would just scream and cry when I would have to use the bathroom. I'm right back there today and just hope and pray that things settle down soon. I think it was the vitimin B12 that caused the problems. I had been taking 6 a day and a few days later I looked at the bottle and saw I'm supposed to taking 1 a day. So, I think that's what caused the problem.

I feel like I'm always complaining but I'm just trying to journal how I am feeling and thinking. If it sounds like a little old lady complaining about her aches and pains.....just skip it:)

I think I've had enough big news to post for the week. As a reminder I also use this blog as a journal of my symptoms so I can take it if needed to the doctor. SO....for the last 2 days I have had a fever, achiness, chills, sweats and just generally feeling lousy. I have no energy and sleeping is what I seem to be getting done. It is so frustrating to me because it seems like there is always something happening to keep me down. I am hoping that by tomorrow I will be a little better. I am sure I caught this from Tyler who probably got it from someone at kindergaten. My immune system is so low that I catch about anything I come in contact with.

I haven't felt like scrapbooking but if I do I'll post those pictures later:) My goal for the day?? A shower. I can't even begin to explain how hard a shower is for me. I remember when I used to hop in the shower and whiz through all the washing and hopped out and dried my nair. Now I wash my hair in the sink...brush out hair....rest....take a shower for the rest of my body....put on robe and rest....dry hair...rest...get dressed...rest. It's a long process but it has to be done...lol!! The reason I rest so often is the back pain. I just can't stand for longer than about 1 minute. Look at your own activities and see how limited you'd be if you could only stand for a minute. No mall, no zoo with grandkids, no walking around the block for exercise, and the list goes on. I have been very surprised at how many things we do require standing. If I see a friend at the store and don't have somewhere to sit down i get all panicy inside. Now I sound like I'm trying to have a pity party for myself and don't want to do that!!

My recent projects
My beautician has been so good to me for the past few years.
When the back pain became too great for me to travel, she started
coming to our house to cut my hair and for a huge discount too.
She is still coming here and I just love how convenient it is... especially
because I don't drive to South Bend yet where her shop is located.
The last time she was here she mentioned to me before she left that
she would like to buy some thank you cards
that I have made. She saw one that Katie had and really liked it. I am
in the process of making these cards for her. I have included the
envelopes because they are so pretty on the inside too. I will give these
to her for no charge because I appreciate her service to me so much. I
am so happy that I can do something for her this time!!

Tyler's funny faces
I don't know if Tyler was trying to be funny or not but
I just love these pictures and the funny faces. I found
the little poem and it was perfect:.."God gives us faces
but we must make our own expressions". These layouts
are not up to date as far as style but the pictures themselves
never go out of style.

Yesterday was a big day for our family. First of all my brothers wife, Andrea, had surgery for the breast cancer and had a masectomy done and at the same time had the reconstruction. She came through the surgery just fine. I'm sure she's pretty sore today. She was in excellent health before this happened so that has to help in her recovery. Please pray with our family that this is the end of dealing with cancer for Andrea.

Also our daughter, Katie, went to the neurosurgeon to talk to him about the chiari malformation. She was diagnosed with that last week. I learned a lot through this. The brain continues to grow until a person is in their 20's. When the indented bony space at the lower rear of the skull is smaller than normal, the cerebellum & brain stem can be pushed down. This can block the flow of spinal fluid and can cause a variety of symptoms including dizziness, muscle weakness, numbness, vision problems, headaches & problems with balance & coordination. One of the treatments is to go in and open up that space surgically. As of now the surgeon wants to do more tests to make sure the symptoms are related to chiari and not something else. She will have a stress blood pressure test, a MRI of the neck and another test that I don't remember right now. Then he will give his advice. It is up to her whether she wants surgery or to just manage the symptoms.

And for the good news...we are going to be Grandparents again!!!! I believe the due date will be somewhere around March. Great people are born in March...just kidding. My birthday is March 29th. What a great birthday present that would be. Our son and his wife just found out they are expecting. A new life is always something to celebrate. With an 8 year old and a 3 and 1 year old it will be a challenge. I know I will help all I can. It gives me a reason to keep pushing on for good health....and if good health doesn't come it gives me a reason to push through the pain. I can do that for a little while and it all catches up to me. Another scrapbook to start too. I'm so excited!! A little girl would be nice but we will all love another boy. The 5 grandsons we have are all so special and different in their own ways.

I have had one of the worst weeks that I have had for a long time. I am having pain in every joint in my body. From my fingers to my toes and everywhere in between. I just get so tired of pain and wish someone could figure out what this is. I go to my primary care doctor on Monday...again and then to the pain doctor on Thursday to see if they have some suggestions!!
When I get up in the morning I dread getting out of the recliner because the pain is so awful.

Wayne is trying to make a decision on a new job. He found out yesterday that the owner of the company lied to him about a few things and it is making the job look a little less desirable but he is not ruling it out either. He wants to talk to him again and get some things ironed out!